Sometimes I think that parents are actually quite strange species, strange and somewhat unreasonable. When we were in school, they wanted us not to fall in love early, not to fall in love. After graduation, I wish we could get married and have children immediately. It's as if you have a suitable partner as soon as you graduate. You don't have the right object, they are more anxious than you, urging you to go on a blind date every day, afraid that you will be left behind.
I think the strange point is that parents, as people who come to the marriage, know too well that running a marriage requires not only the matching of the external conditions of two people, but more importantly, the matching of the personalities of the two people.
But they let their children go on blind dates, and the people they value are often each other's family lineage, and the woman requires the man to have a house and a car at home, and the man to have a stable job. Such a man is a good marriage partner for the woman's parents. And the man asks the woman to be beautiful and take care of the family too much, and the family situation is good. If the conditions are commensurate and two people don't look at each other, it's that the two people are too picky.
If the blind date is not successful, you will be counted down by your parents when you return home. The number of parents falls farther, and the child becomes impatient. At the urging of their parents, they handed in their homework without knowing each other clearly, and the two people rushed to get married.
In the end, the two people got together, and the happiness of married life is a great blessing for parents. If two people do not get along well, the married life is not happy, and finally get divorced, it is another bad thing for parents.
In fact, marriage is a problem for children alone, and parents cannot urge their children to get married even if they are in a hurry. Busy can be chaotic. As soon as the parents urge and the children are in a hurry, they may just find someone with similar conditions to marry.
Marriage depends on whether the economic conditions match, but this one condition match alone cannot maintain the marriage for a long time, and the condition match cannot resist the trivialities in life.
Parents' anxieties should be put in their hearts, they must believe in their children, and they must give their children time. The child is not stupid, and when he meets the right person, he will naturally want to get married. He wasn't married just because he didn't meet the right guy.
Gu Shihong, the parent of the novel "Heart Residence", is an enlightened father. His daughter Gu Qingyu is not married in her 40s, he is anxious, and he also wants to urge his daughter to get married.
But sometimes when he watches his son and daughter-in-law quarrel over trivial things in life, he feels that married life is not as good as he thinks, not full of happiness at all times. Why push your daughter when there is no suitable candidate, give her pressure. She lives happily and comfortably alone, and does being with someone who doesn't fit in ensure that she still has the happiness she has now?
When he learned that his daughter was going to get married, he was very worried in his heart, he was afraid that he was forced by himself, so that his daughter could find someone to marry and cope with himself.
When he met Shi Yuan, although he knew that they were fake marriages, he knew in his heart that his daughter loved this man, and he had always maintained respect for Shi Yuan.
Gu Qingyuan divorced, and he did not say anything. He knew that two unsuitable people were just twisted together and would eventually break up.
In his impression, the source of Shi Yuan was very good, but the Shi Yuan that had been baptized by years was no longer the source of Shi Yuan. They can come together because of the contract, because of the past friendship, but all this cannot maintain their marriage, cannot make them fake it and become a real loving couple.
Decades of time had already turned them into two types of people, and when they met again, Gu Qingyuan saw shi Yuan's worst side. Shi Yuan's former pride was trampled under his feet.
They separated again, and Gu Shihong was not surprised at all. Because marriage has torn off all the disguises between them. Shi Yuan's past, Shi Yuan's failure, Shi Yuan's parents' dissatisfaction with Gu Qingyuan.
Marriage did not bring them closer to each other, but chose to separate after seeing through it. The emotions of the past cannot come to the present after years of precipitation.
Gu Shihong calmly accepted his daughter's marriage and divorce. The only thing he can do is give his own advice on the path of his daughter's marriage and then let her daughter play.
In fact, Gu Shihong's approach is worth learning from many parents. Parents need to understand that it is the child's life while caring for the child. Does whether he gets married really matter to you more than whether he's happy or not?
Is it really right to urge him to get married when he hasn't met the right person to marry? He doesn't get married, you're in a hurry, urge him to get married, he's married, and one day he's divorced because the marriage is unhappy, can you accept it?
Marriage has never been a necessity in life. Marriage exists for only one purpose, that is, two people who love each other voluntarily marry because of love, not to pass on the generations, to meet the expectations of others, to look like a normal person, in order not to put on the hat of the older leftover men and women.
Wise parents will not be anxious about their children's lives. Children don't get married, they respect, children get married, they bless. If the child does not meet the right marriage partner, then wish him happiness and let him enjoy the single life. After all, the joy of life is more important than all forms. Getting married doesn't mean having happiness ever since. So if the child does not marry, do not force him. Don't force him to marry someone with similar conditions in the name of caring for his children. Marriage is a lifelong affair, and it is even more prudent.