Mom (ID: iiimum)
Recently there was a very popular video from blogger @Quan Xi Xi:
"Changes in Peking University dormitory 10 years after graduation of 3 girls"
"I went to Peking University at the age of 19, went to graduate school at the age of 22, joined a famous enterprise at the age of 25, got married and had children at the age of 30, and had a 7-figure deposit..."
What many people dream of having is the basic situation of the three of them at present:
@Hee-hee.
@Jiajia.
@Shizhong.
To be honest, I clicked on the video with the mentality of "eating lemons", and saw that in the end, I was cured and moved for a long time.
Some people say that after listening to their conversations, they understand why so many parents are trying to send their children to elite schools.
But I think that in addition to "studying in a prestigious school, high education, and high income", the life experience they have gained after 10 years of graduation is really worth a look at by parents.
01
"Fifteen years have passed, and my life has not yet opened"
Xi Xi, a girl who was evaluated by her friends as "daring to pursue fame and profit".
When she came to Beijing, in the bustling capital, at that moment she felt that the distance between her wonderful life and herself was one door away.
Peking University, that's the stepping stone.
The reality, however, is that fifteen years have passed and the door has not been opened.
To outsiders, their achievements have been remarkable.
But in their own words, admission to Peking University may be the brightest moment in life.
This is not a "Versailles" statement.
Working and living in the aura of a "Peking University graduate" is not an easy task.
Xi Xi shared that after work, "Peking University" brought a lot of bonuses to itself, but this bonus often only exists for a moment.
Children who graduate from prestigious schools are indeed more likely to find good jobs and get opportunities. But it also means putting more effort into supporting everyone's expectations, rather than once and for all.
For most ordinary people, it is not easy to have a highlight moment in a lifetime, and it is even more difficult to keep yourself on that level for the rest of your life.
Therefore, after the so-called "summit", some people will try to remain humble and always remind themselves of mediocrity.
There are also many people who quickly lose themselves, overestimate their abilities, and even become arrogant and rude.
Wang Xiaobo wrote in "The Golden Age" that life is a "slow process of being hammered."
It is difficult to accept that you are mediocre, and it is even more difficult to accept that your children are mediocre.
Think of the hit drama "Heart Residence", the middle-aged "waste wood" Shi Yuan and her mother.
The mother always felt that her son Shi Yuan was the dragon and phoenix among people, but Every time Shi Yuan failed in the process of growing up, he was frustrated once. Over time, Shi Yuan's psychological pressure is too great, and he has extremely strong self-esteem and extreme inferiority, thinking that he can't do anything well.
Shi Yuan lived a suffocating and twisted life, nearly 40 years old, and his life was still a chicken feather, and even hurt his excellent wife because of it.
In fact, "not to be happy with things, not to be sad with yourself", to look at the growth of children with a normal heart is more conducive to long-term development.
02
"The tortoise and the rabbit race, it is not easy to be that turtle"
This quote comes from an experience in the world:
A girl who had been determined to take the academic path took the initiative to give up in the fourth year of her doctoral studies.
Shizhong said that he used to think that talent was like wings, and it was only by inserting wings that you could fly to the top.
At that time, she was very concerned about whether she had the talent to study for a doctorate, and she was depressed.
We are probably like this when we are young, and in the process of doing something, we find that it is difficult to do, so we doubt our own ability, and our beliefs begin to waver.
In fact, persistence is greater than talent, and in most cases it can be established.
Shizhong reflected that if it was now, she would be able to persevere and get a degree, but she was too paranoid when she was young.
Just like the tortoise and rabbit race, it is good to be a gifted rabbit, and it is easy to ride the dust without effort.
But for most children, being the unsung turtle is not shameful, or even wiser.
How much power can persistence be?
I recently fell in love with a female blogger, with mediocre physical talent and a hate for sports since childhood, running 11 kilometers in 43 minutes at the age of Ben 4, and the whole horse can run for 3 hours.
She can do this because she has been running long distances for 10 years.
At that time I was thinking, have I insisted on doing something for 10 years? 5 years? 3 years...
If I have, then I can take it out and share it with my children in the future.
03
"Boil the suffering, boil it into porridge and kill it"
The part that impressed me the most about the whole conversation was about the "Valley of Despair"—
The three of them experienced the darkest moments of their lives.
Among them, the story about her marriage told by Jiajia can make people feel what a truly mature person should look like.
Jiajia's other half experienced more than two years of depression, and the whole person was in a state of sadness for a long time.
During that time, Jiajia tried to keep herself in good working condition and returned home to help her husband recover silently.
It wasn't until now that she was out of that quagmire that she told the story.
The two friends were surprised and never heard her mention it.
Jiajia said that the only person who can really solve the problem is himself, and the only one who makes the decision is himself.
In the early years, they may still confide in their sisters, but no one will always be by their side, and complaining will not solve the problem.
Jiajia lets us see that a person with a sound personality has great power in his heart.
This strength is enough to resist the "suffering of life."
Nowadays, we are not short of food and clothing, but only in terms of spirit, and the work we do is far from enough.
In addition to giving selfless love to their children, parents should also let them see how a person can live with dignity, value and meaning.
04
"Life is a long-distance running race with no end"
I also recently saw a video:
A restaurant waiter looked at the girl working in the office building with envy and sighed:
"Regret it! How can you not regret it? How nice it would be if life could be repeated. ”
Everyone thinks that way, and I often do, envying another life I can't get.
But if we can't even control our current lives, envy will only increase anxiety.
When we do not have the ability to make ourselves happy, no matter how many material conditions we get, it is in vain.
When I say competency, I don't just mean diplomas, knowledge, skills...
From this I think of "Seven Years of Life", a documentary that tracks children from the age of 7 to the age of 63.
Fourteen children, from families of different classes in the UK, are interviewed every 7 years to "report" to the public on the current state of their lives.
The original intention of "Seven Years of Life" was to verify that "your origin class will determine your future".
There is a sentence in the film that corresponds to "dragon born dragon, phoenix born phoenix":
"Let me take a child to the age of seven, and in the future, it is predestined that he will become whatever kind of person he will become."
Indeed, on the whole, children from the upper class are mostly not bad, and their lives are clearly planned.
They received the best education from an early age, grew up in the influence of knowledge and art, and grew up to engage in the most glamorous and stable profession.
But children who are at the bottom of society must not be happy?
For example, Sue, who grew up in London's East End, divorced at the age of 28 and became a single mother, and she lived alone with two children on a shoestring.
At the age of 42, however, her life began to change.
When the child grew up, she was liberated from the family and spent 7 years from the lowest assistant to the supervisor.
Outside of work, she also socializes and meets life partners.
In the film, Sue always does not skimp on her smile and treats her children gently and meticulously.
Such people will always make people feel that no matter how cruel life is, it will not be able to drag them down.
Another impressive kid from the bottom is Called Tony.
At the age of 7, he said his dream was to be a rider, and at the age of 13 he dropped out of school to become a rider.
Later, he said he wanted to become a taxi driver, and at the age of 21 he began to work on his next ideal.
What Tony does is insignificant compared to the professions of doctors and lawyers, but whenever he has a new goal, he will at least put it into action.
In the secular view, Tony is what everyone often calls a small who does nothing, and he has indeed been in prison.
But many years later, he also built a house by his own efforts and lived happily with his family.
Isn't this happiness of self-consistent values also good?
In fact, in addition to Sue and Tony, we can also see the case of being born in the countryside and becoming a professor of a famous school by relying on diligence and love.
Over the years, the "starting line" in the hearts of our parents has been portrayed more and more deeply.
Instead of keeping an eye on that line, it is better to guide the child to move forward step by step towards his goal.
The achievement of fame at the age of 20 is enviable, and the small peak of life at the age of 40 is also worth celebrating.
When most people emphasize social status, we must not lose respect for different life trajectories.
I often say that life is a long-distance running race that spans decades and has no finish line.
To sustain this journey, money is important, knowledge is also important, and loving life is even more important.
I especially like the metaphor of Jiajia:
"Later in life, the occasions when you use mathematics may be much less than the occasions when you are blind dated."
Perhaps our next generation, with huge differences in origins, has high and low talents;
Maybe after 10 years, some of them will go to Peking University in the future, and some will go to vocational schools;
Maybe after 20 years, some of them have an annual salary of one million, and some of them have a monthly salary of 3,000;
But happiness cannot be defined from one perspective.
The best abilities we can teach our children outside of school:
It is optimistic, perseverance, and calm life!
Pay attention to the video number of old Xue's whole brain early education
Miao miao mother (ID: iiimum), practicing scientific parenting, happy post-90s tide mother. Use comics and texts to share a lot of dry parenting goods and talk to you about what happened after becoming a mother. Accompany thousands of mothers and children to grow up together. Authorization Please contact Mom (ID: iiimum)