"When I got 985, I found out that I was a waste"

01

There must be many people who have been curious about a question:

What happened to those children who went to prestigious schools?

Douban has a "985 waste introduction planning team", which was on fire a while ago.

There is a group of people who are selected in the college entrance examination, and there is no shortage of college entrance examination champions in some provinces.

But their lives are not as we think, one by one, they change their fate and live a better life by hard work.

More children are beginning to realize that they will not do anything but study and brush up on questions. There will be no human feelings, no social connections, and a huge gap.

There is a "famous saying" in the group: "When I got 985, I found out that I was a waste." ”

I still remember an article that brushed the screen last year, "The Antidepressant History of a Peking University College Entrance Examination Champion", which told a distressing story.

A college entrance examination liberal arts champion in a province, after being admitted to Peking University, suffered from depression in his junior year and took a full year off from school.

Only because she was admitted to her dream university that she found that her efforts were not worth mentioning in front of other people's talents, and the frustration of not being able to get the first place also made her suddenly lose her goal in life.

I don't have any motivation to study or work.

So, began to doubt the meaning of life...

This is the current situation of many teenagers.

Why are young people admitted to prestigious schools beginning to "mourn"?

02

Coincidentally, the protagonist of this article quickly reminds me of another high-achieving student who brings it up to make people grit their teeth - Wu Xieyu.

Wu Xieyu, who was also admitted to Peking University with excellent grades, mentioned in a 50,000-word personal letter that he was like an examination machine, "The first place in the test is the only meaning I have for my mother."

In order to get his mother's affirmation, he studied more aggressively after going to college, and later found that no matter how hard he tried, he could not get the first place.

"The last bit of meaning I meant to my mother was gone."

Professor Li Meijin said something when analyzing the Wu Xieyu case:

"His cleverness allows him more than enough to cope with reality, to cope with all kinds of people, but his heart is empty, empty to the point of having no soul."

I think so.

Peking University psychiatrist Kaiwen Xu once said in his speech that 30.4% of Peking University freshmen have "hollow heart disease".

The so-called "hollow heart disease" is a "psychological disorder caused by value defects", and children with hollow heart disease are very good "good children" in the eyes of others.

They especially need the praise of others.

When they are recognized by others, they lose the sense of value that supports their existence.

If the situation is serious, either there is a suicidal tendency, or, like Wu Xieyu, step by step into the abyss of evil.

03

Why do good children get "hollow heart disease"?

Professor Xu attributed the root cause of the disease to a lack of values.

To put it ugly, this is likely to be the consequence of chickens and chickens "going crazy".

A while ago, there was an article "After going undercover with 10 chicken dolls, I want to chicken myself without a baby" became popular.

The reporter went undercover to a group of chicken dolls, and became active at 4 o'clock.

Parents in the group schedule their children's days to the minute.

In the army of chicken dolls, this is nothing.

Some people ask: The child is 4 years old, and the English vocabulary is only about 1500, is it not enough?

A high praise replied: It is definitely enough in the United States, but it is certainly not enough in Haidian District.

As you can imagine, the only goal for today's children is to learn, learn, keep learning.

As a result, they feel that if they do not study and work well enough, they will not be able to live.

So you have to push yourself to be good for your parents.

When they go to college or enter society, children who have always struggled for their parents' expectations will fall into unprecedented confusion.

After removing the goal of first place, their hearts are empty.

At the same time, driven by learning goals, it is difficult for children to establish a real and deep emotional connection with their peers.

As "tool people" for parents, they also do not feel a real emotional connection from their families.

When one day, the main theme of life is no longer competition, or no matter how "rolled" there is no end in sight, the sense of nothingness of life will be overwhelming.

As Li Meijin said, this method of education is more likely to teach groups of egoists who lack empathy and refinement.

4

The essence of education is not just to cultivate a person with excellent academic performance, but to "make people human".

So how to get children out of the curse of "hollow heart disease"?

1. "First place" is never the only criterion for success.

Fudan professor Liang Yongan has a passage that I think is particularly good:

"For any student, if you just aim to get ahead, you actually find yourself a very narrow path, that is, you want to do better than 90% of the people in the rest of your life, which is very difficult. What direction should our entire education be transferred to, and our future task is to be an excellent ordinary person. ”

As Professor Liu Yu said: Our society is full of success but no failure. We only urge our children to be successful people, but we do not tell them that it is okay to be an ordinary person.

What is becoming increasingly cruel in this society is that we take prestigious schools too seriously, as if they are the only criterion for our success in life.

But in fact, everyone has their own time zone, some children have strong communication skills, and some children like to focus on their areas of interest... They will all gain confidence in their respective areas of expertise, and these confidence are enough to resist the psychological gap caused by not being educated enough and not making enough money.

There is a Turkish proverb: "God has prepared a dwarf branch for every stupid bird." ”

Every child has their own BGM and does not lag behind others.

2. Establish a real emotional connection with your child

Many parents will say to their children: you don't care about anything, just study hard.

This can lead children to mistakenly believe that they exist just to learn.

Parents should let their children participate in all aspects of life to the greatest extent, so that children understand that values do not only come from learning, but also from the inclusive love of parents, so that they have the courage to go outward.

Only with love and patience, little by little planting the seeds of "goodness" in children, can we irrigate flowers that can withstand the wind and rain.

What we want to give our children is not grades, not money.

It's love, it's wisdom, it's the ability to create happiness, and that's the best thing in the world.