Wenchuan "saluting doll" naked score to Peking University: whether the child has an adverse quotient or not, 20 years later is completely different
Author: Squeaky (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
The aftershocks of the 2008 Wenchuan earthquake did not stop, and a photo from the ruins touched countless people:
A 3-year-old child covered in blood, lying weakly on a wooden board, saluted the PLA soldiers who rescued him with gratitude.
This child is Lang Zheng, who is called "saluting doll" by netizens.
During his hospitalization, Premier Wen visited twice, underwent 5 surgeries before and after, and he walked through the ghost gate several times...
Now, 15 years later, he was admitted to Peking University with a college entrance examination score of 637 points, and he once again appeared in the public's field of vision as a "top student".
In the teacher's mouth, Lang Zheng has always been excellent. Cheerful, sunny, likes to play basketball, has many friends.
From the ruins to Peking University, he is a butterfly in the headwind, even if he encounters adversity, he must have the determination to move forward in the most difficult moments.
On the other hand, most of today's children are too perfectly protected by their parents, and they lack the cognition and ability to cope with adversity in the process of growing up.
When faced with the real challenges of life, it is difficult for them to be as tenacious and resolute as Lang Zheng.
This situation has to make parents think deeply.
Children are fragile, afraid of things, and easy to "break when touched"
Have you found that in today's various "chicken dolls" and involuted educational environments, more and more children have become "high-sensitivity babies", and they are particularly vulnerable in the face of setbacks and difficulties.
A few days ago, a 14-year-old girl in Henan Province swallowed two pins because of excessive study pressure, and her parents and teachers had high expectations, and she almost had an accident.
After the start of school at the beginning of this year, after a unified examination in a city, a total of 7 children in primary and secondary schools in the city ended their young lives in extreme ways due to unsatisfactory exams.
Last year, an 11-year-old elementary school student was criticized by his teacher in class and chose to commit suicide because he couldn't bear it.
Many people can't figure it out, now life obviously has everything, material is also very rich, why are these children so fragile, afraid of things, and even "broken when touched"?
A psychology professor at Beijing Normal University once pointed out in his own research that China's test-taking education and excessive parental arrangement may be one of the reasons for children's sensitivity and vulnerability.
Children's vulnerability does not stem from themselves, but from some distorted values and expectations in today's society.
Some parents overprotect their children and isolate them from life's difficulties, so that children do not experience setbacks at all.
There are also a large number of parents who hope for Jackie Chan and Chengfeng, who have set various strict standards for their children, and have overly ardent expectations, pressing the little children to the point of tension and breathlessness.
Real life is full of too many "other people's children", parents always compare them with their own children, so that their own children gradually lose confidence in the comparison, become inferior and sensitive, and lose their true self.
In fact, it is not that children are born fragile, but the vast majority of parents, who never take the initiative to teach children how to face difficulties and solve problems, and do not attach importance to the cultivation of children's ability to resist setbacks.
Children who go against the high quotient can eventually achieve great things
A university professor once suggested: "Anti-business education should be integrated into the formal education system to help children better cope with the difficulties and pressures in life." ”
Compared with those children who are easy to "break when touched", children with high anti-quotient are particularly tenacious and unyielding in the face of difficulties and setbacks.
They regard difficulties as challenges to their abilities, setbacks as ladders for their own growth, and will not be frustrated by failure and evaded because of difficulties.
They are like looking for a ray of light in the darkness, grasping the power of survival in dangerous situations.
Han Shiyu, a senior high school student at Qingdao No. 58 Middle School, is one of them.
30 days before the college entrance examination, she accidentally fell and ruptured the tendon of her right index finger.
Faced with this kind of encounter, the vast majority of people feel that this child's college entrance examination this year is estimated to be over, and he can only fight again next year.
Han Shiyu was also depressed and decadent for a few days, but soon she regained her strength and began to practice writing with her left hand.
In just two weeks, she was able to write basic neat handwriting with her left hand.
During the college entrance examination, she used her left hand and right hand to answer the questions alternately, and she bravely faced adversity and had no regrets about her youth.
Walking out of the examination room, she said softly: "As long as you believe in yourself, you are a miracle." ”
Ten years of cold window sharpening the sword, the most critical moment was hit, Han Shiyu did not fall.
She proved herself with practical actions.
Inverse quotient, it is not a talent, but a belief, a tenacious and indomitable spirit.
American education guru Paul Stotts first proposed the term adverse quotient, which refers to a person's ability to withstand setbacks in the face of adversity and the ability to resist adversity.
In the face of difficulties, children who are against the business can always remain optimistic and move forward courageously, they can always show incomparable perseverance and tenacity, no matter what challenges they face, they can strengthen their faith and move forward with determination.
They are not afraid of failure and believe that failure is the cornerstone of the road to success.
Professor Li Meijin, a parenting expert, once said:
"Smart parents want to hurt their children when they are young, or even yell at him directly, he is used to it, and it will be no problem to encounter setbacks when he is older."
The critical period of children's character formation is very important for children to educate setbacks, the stronger the child's ability to resist setbacks, the higher the adverse quotient, and children with high adverse quotient are often more likely to succeed. ”
It can be seen that the role of parents in the cultivation of children's adverse quotient is crucial.
The key to cultivating adverse quotient lies in parents
The thinker Buridan did such a thought experiment - Buridan's donkey:
"There was a donkey, thirsty and hungry, standing in the middle of the road, with water on its left and grain on its right. The donkey is free, it can choose to eat food first and then drink water, or it can choose to drink water before eating food.
But because the distance between water and food and the donkey is the same, the donkey has been struggling with whether to eat food first or drink water first, and it has no correct answer. In the end, it died of thirst and hunger in the middle of the road. ”
The donkey died because it lacked a "whip" that could guide its choice between eating food or drinking.
Without a "whip", the donkey cannot comprehend that it can live no matter which side it chooses. It is so insistent on following a definite line of thought that it dies in a dilemma.
If the child is seen as the overwhelmed donkey, and the dilemma is seen as a random challenge to fate, then the role of the parent is the "whip" that guides the direction.
How to do a good job of this "whip" to guide the way?
1. Teach children to face difficulties correctly
Start with the little things they can, such as suddenly asking them to practice one more page than usual, memorize one more ancient poem, or play one more song.
Let them experience the joy of challenge by completing additional assignments or exercises.
When children successfully complete the task, give warm encouragement and hugs, let them know that difficulty is just an amorphous challenge, and that everyone can find a solution that suits them.
2. Appropriate punishment
Professor Li Meijin once said in the program "Round Table Party":
"In the process of human growth, something must be formed, in addition to love, there must be awe.
If the child breaks the law, the punishment is actually a kind of protection, let him know that he is afraid, knows regret, and will never dare again in the future, really let him not dare is to protect him. ”
Proper rewards and punishments are the foundation for developing adverse quotient, which can help children understand cause and effect in life.
Punishment is not through yelling, corporal punishment, etc., but patiently listening to the child's true thoughts and encouraging the child to learn from mistakes and failures, rather than hitting them with punishment.
Develop the courage to face mistakes and let them understand that making mistakes is not scary, and even if they do wrong, they can still be loved and understood.
To be a child who can "afford to lose", facing failure head-on is more valuable than success and the growth brought about by failure.
3. Learn to let go
There was a very popular video:
During the ceremony, the children were challenged to jump a 10-stage box.
Among them, a boy started again and again, bounced again and again, but failed again and again.
Although after each failure, he did not hesitate to go back and start again, he was always a little bit worse.
Looking at the boy who was so frustrated that he cried because of his failure, the teacher suggested, "Let's lend him our strength together."
The children rushed together, shoulder to shoulder in a circle, shouting "You can do it!" You can do it! You can do it! ”
Then the unthinkable happened.
The little boy rushed out like a small universe burst out, jumped up, and jumped over the box.
In daily life, when children encounter difficulties and setbacks, the instinctive reaction of parents is to immediately rush forward to solve them.
This is obviously not the best approach, and we have to learn to let go.
True love is not to blindly protect, but to teach children that as long as they persist, miracles will always happen.
Parents letting go means that children have the opportunity to make mistakes, so that they can understand themselves more deeply and understand the stress and state of themselves when facing difficulties.
When children overcome difficulties independently, the self-confidence and sense of achievement they gain in the process of solving problems will make them deeply realize that difficulties are not terrible, as long as they face it bravely, they can always find a solution.
Children's adverse quotient is actually the crystallization of parents' wisdom and a mirror that reflects parents' attitude to life.
We need to influence and guide children with our own actions, and cultivate and improve children's adverse quotient with our own love.
Tagore once said, "Only after hellish tempering can the power to create heaven be refined." Only bloody fingers can play the swan song of the world. ”
The road of life is difficult to walk most of the time, teach children to correctly face setbacks and overcome difficulties, in order to embrace a brilliant tomorrow.
About author: Squeak, rich book columnist, carefully transmit positive energy, article: parents read carefully, rich book 2018 launched a new book "Good Life", the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, without authorization, shall not be reprinted, infringement must be investigated
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