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Adolescents' mental and psychological problems are becoming more and more serious, and the key to "breaking the game" lies in society, or parents?

We have previously introduced the "hollow heart disease" proposed by Professor Xu Kaiwen of Peking University.

Kaiwen Xu is a practicing psychiatrist with a doctorate in clinical psychology and an associate professor at the Center for Student Mental Health Education and Counseling at Peking University. In November 2016, he released a set of survey data:

Among first-year freshmen (both undergraduate and graduate) at Peking University, 30.4% dislike learning or think it is meaningless; 40.4% of students believe that life has no meaning.

This set of data is shocking. Professor Xu Kaiwen also proposed "hollow heart disease", believing that it is a "psychological disorder caused by value defects", that is, obviously a very good young person, no obvious trauma in the process of growing up, life and personal conditions are superior, but the heart is extremely empty, confused and depressed.

Recently, Professor Xu Kaiwen was invited to give a speech at a family education forum in Haidian District, and expressed his views on the current mental health situation of adolescents.

Full text of the speech: "Peking University psychiatrist: Adolescent mental health, I am afraid that it has reached the worst moment since the reform and opening up..."

Today, I would like to analyze some of the issues mentioned by Professor Kaiwen Xu in his speech and share my views, hoping to help readers understand the diverse voices and "listen to the clear".

01. Is the serious mental and psychological problem of adolescents the fault of society?

Professor Xu Kaiwen said that the current mental health of adolescents has reached the worst time since the reform and opening up. He cited 3 sets of 2021 survey data that show the precarious mental and psychological problems of adolescents:

According to the National Health Psychological Survey conducted by the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the detection rate of depression among middle school students was 24.6%, and a quarter of the children had depressive symptoms.

According to the epidemiological survey conducted by the National Health Commission, the prevalence of psychological disorders in adolescents was 17.5%.

Research done by Nanjing Brain Hospital shows that the incidence of non-suicidal self-injury among middle school students nationwide is as high as 27%.

For the first data, Professor Xu Kaiwen in the speech script (link above), he said that "the detection rate of depression in middle school students is 24.7%", I don't know if this is his slip of the tongue or the small editor of the public account is wrong.

Because Professor Xu Kaiwen is a psychiatrist, in theory, he cannot not know the "depression detection rate ≠ depression". The so-called "depression detection rate" refers to the "depressive mood" or "depressive state" of the experience, not the prevalence of depression.

Adolescents' mental and psychological problems are becoming more and more serious, and the key to "breaking the game" lies in society, or parents?

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"Depressive mood" is a normal emotion that almost everyone has experienced, or will experience, and can also be understood as "depressive state". When we encounter greater or more difficulties, setbacks and blows in our daily lives, we may have depression, manifested as low, not like to speak, easy to sigh and cry. In the language of the Internet, it is "emo", which is not equivalent to depression.

In addition, in the national health psychological survey conducted by the Institute of Psychology of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, it is likely to take a questionnaire survey and has not been diagnosed by a psychiatrist, so it cannot be regarded as the detection rate of depression.

For the second data, some people may also have misunderstandings. Many people think that 17.5% of adolescents have psychological disorders, which is really too high, and can't help but sigh: Why are children and adolescents so "fragile" now, and there are psychological problems at every turn?

Not to mention the bias in this cognition, in fact, according to epidemiological surveys, the prevalence of mental disorders in mainland adults has also reached 17.5%. Although there are differences in the way prevalence and prevalence are statistically calculated at point in time, the overall difference is not too large.

Of course, my above point is not to say that the mental and psychological problems of children and adolescents are not serious. The problem is indeed serious. However, I hope that experts and professors should make more rational and objective explanations when citing data, otherwise it is easy to cause misunderstanding among the public and excessive anxiety of parents.

In addition, what makes me feel even more inappropriate is that when Professor Xu Kaiwen talked about the increasingly serious mental and psychological problems of children and adolescents, he made an analogy:

When there is a problem with the water in a pond, no matter how long the fish in the pond can go wrong.

Combined with his context, he feels that the reason for this problem is that the society now attaches too much importance to the child's achievements, the competition and involution are too serious, everyone is consuming internally, the child's material is sufficient, but it seems to be more and more unhappy.

The phenomenon he said does exist, and a certain atmosphere in society will indeed have an impact on children and adolescents. However, it would be irrational to blame society for the main cause of children's and adolescents' psychological problems.

This is an external attribution model, and it is easy for many parents to think: Oh, the reason why the child is sick is mainly because there is something wrong with this society.

Of course, there are social influences, but this attribution model of "blaming society when something happens" is actually very irrational. Every era and society has its unique opportunities as well as its drawbacks.

Now the domestic academic and employment competition is very large, but it is this Internet developed information age, so that many parents learn more scientific family education concepts, their children are both really excellent, but also real mental health.

It is also this era and society that provide more diverse careers and opportunities than ever before, and many people can realize their self-worth, obtain considerable economic returns, and live a happy life, even if their grades are not good before.

Conversely, in countries and societies with low rates of mental disorders, "pond water" must be better? India, for example, has a significantly lower rate of mental disorders than most countries, and much lower. Does this mean that India is a better society?

Those who can read the truth know that it is not at all. The low incidence of mental disorders in India is mainly related to religious beliefs in the country. Most Indians rationalize and normalize their setbacks and sufferings through religious beliefs, believing in "reincarnation", being content with fate, lacking a sense of resistance and enterprising, and being in a state of "lying flat".

But in fact, from a social and economic point of view, India's class solidification and wealth gap are very serious, the lives of many people at the bottom are miserable, and there are still problems of caste discrimination and gender discrimination in many places.

Therefore, we cannot blame society for the main causes of mental and psychological problems in children and adolescents.

Society is composed of families, families are the cells of society, and the most important role of families is parents. Instead of saying that this society is wrong, parents should deeply reflect on what is wrong with their family education:

Why is it that in the same society and era, most children can grow up mentally and physically healthy, but my children have problems?

Why is it that everyone is affected by the social atmosphere, and some children take off by the wind of the times, but my children are particularly negatively affected? What does this reflect about my homeschooling style?

We have clinically received a large number of adolescent patients with depression and bipolar disorder, all of whom have suffered superimposed psychological trauma from their original families, the most common is the improper education of parents, which is one of the main reasons for their illness. Of course, in addition, there are also some factors such as campus and the Internet.

02. These parents are prone to lack of self-reflection awareness

In fact, Professor Xu Kaiwen also realized that children's illness has a close relationship with parents. In his speech, he summarized several points that parents "don't do" and "must do."

He guided parents to master more scientific family education, which is consistent with the concept that we often recommend that parents of adolescent patients learn "self-family therapy".

But for many parents, especially successful people and high-level intellectuals, it is very difficult to make them aware of and change improper education methods.

These parents often work hard from an early age, have outstanding abilities, and have achieved small things in their respective fields of work, and they are prone to self-conceit, self-righteousness, obstinate and unable to listen to the rationalization suggestions of others. In fact, they are likely to develop paranoid personality changes, even to the point of paranoid personality disorder.

Adolescents' mental and psychological problems are becoming more and more serious, and the key to "breaking the game" lies in society, or parents?

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They do not think that there is a problem with their family education methods, and they do not have the consciousness to keep pace with the times and learn more scientific parent-child communication.

There are also parents who have been engaged in the education industry for a long time, or even principals, education experts, excellent teachers, and so on. They feel that they have cultivated so many excellent students, how can they not educate their children well? Moreover, they have seen a large number of excellent students in their careers, and it is easy to unconsciously compare their own children with other people's children, and inadvertently cause a lot of psychological damage to children.

Therefore, the proportion of children of successful people, senior intellectuals, and teachers suffering from mental and psychological disorders is not low, and we have received many such patients in the clinic. For example, Xiaohong, who has been diagnosed by other psychiatrists as depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and schizophrenia, her mother is a principal and teacher;

There is also the depressed patient Junchen, his grandparents, grandparents, parents are all intellectuals, 6 adults love children very much, attach importance to children's education, but there are still problems in family education.

When the child first appeared mental and psychological symptoms, these parents still did not realize the seriousness of the problem, thinking that the child only temporarily encountered some difficulties, rebellious period, etc., and even some more ignorant and arrogant parents would think that the child was pretending to be sick and accuse the child more severely.

It wasn't until the child's condition became more and more serious, he couldn't go to school, and even self-harmed and suicidal behavior, that his parents hit the south wall and had to face reality. At this point, they may realize that there is indeed something wrong with their education style, but it is still difficult to know exactly where they are wrong.

When we conduct in-depth family therapy for the parents of patients in the clinic, we will inform them of the psychological traumatic events we found during the pathological memory repair under deep hypnosis. These traumatic events can concretely reflect the mistakes made by parents in family education, prompting them to wake up and better self-reflect, change and improve.

Wei Tao, a patient with bipolar disorder we have seen, and his father's self-reflection process is a typical example. Wei Tao's father has certain achievements in his career, he believes that the family division of labor should be outside the male protagonist and the female protagonist inside, so he rarely accompanies his children, often socializes, not only often goes home drunk, but even sometimes invites friends to the house to make a night all.

This made Wei Tao's mother very angry, and often counted her husband: "If you are hospitalized for drinking, I don't care about you!" ”

The above scenarios have occurred repeatedly during Wei Tao's growth. On the one hand, he hates his father's behavior, and on the other hand, he often feels afraid and very worried about his father's body. So much so that there was even a picture in his mind: his father really drank alcohol and went into the ICU, lying on the hospital bed, with tubes all over his body, and his mother really did not come to take care of him, and the family was about to lose its pillar.

Although this picture is not real, because it repeatedly haunts Wei Tao, it forms a superimposed psychological trauma. This is one of the reasons why he is prone to anxiety and fear.

We found and repaired these psychological traumas under deep hypnosis and told his father in detail. His father was shocked, and he finally realized that his love of socializing and drinking caused many negative effects on his children.

When he went back, he said to his son, "Dad will definitely stop drinking!" Wei Tao and his mother were startled and felt that the sun was coming out from the west! Later, the father not only really quit drinking, but also took a 180-degree turn in his attitude towards his wife and son, knowing how to truly care for them.

It is hoped that the majority of parents will learn the lessons of the parents of patients, recognize their cognitive boundaries, switch roles when returning home, maintain humility and sense of learning, and do not regret it until the child suffers from mental and psychological disorders and is seriously ill.

03. Parents should bear the heavy responsibility of guiding their children to be "adults"

Professor Xu Kaiwen also mentioned that family education and school education should return to learning to adults, calling and helping our children upgrade their minds.

I believe that in terms of "learning as adults", family education is far more important than school education.

In today's education model, school education focuses on cultivating students' knowledge and skills to become "talented". Family education is more important to guide children to be "adults", that is, to have a perfect personality, healthy mental psychology, and positive three views.

Adolescents' mental and psychological problems are becoming more and more serious, and the key to "breaking the game" lies in society, or parents?

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But "adult" and "adult" are inseparable. Because among the factors that determine whether a person can succeed, the core is the inverse quotient (AQ), followed by emotional intelligence (EQ), and then the intelligence quotient (IQ). Schooling focuses on knowledge transfer, and academic performance reflects only part of IQ.

Therefore, the task of cultivating children's emotional intelligence (EQ) and adverse quotient (AQ), especially inverse quotient, mainly falls on parents. If children have a high adversity quotient that is becoming more and more courageous, and have the awareness and ability to self-reflect, they can go further and more steadily on the road of life.

In terms of school education, educators should also consciously combine pedagogy and scientific psychology, master the law of cultivating students' adult talents, help students shape a state of efficient learning, and let children have a strong interest in learning. If they can do better, teachers should also give students certain life guidance appropriately to help them establish positive three views.

This type of teacher is a real "teaching and educating person" and forms a good "educational alliance" with parents. But the reality is that there are not many teachers who are conscious and capable of doing so, and the burden of educating children as adults still falls mainly on parents.

Many parents may feel helpless, "In the past, our parents just raised us, but now it is too difficult to do so many things as parents!" ”

Indeed, in terms of homeschooling methods, the current era poses greater challenges for parents. But I hope parents will accept and face this reality early.

Today's children are born in an age of material abundance, and according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, when human physiological and security needs are satisfied, they resort to emotional and belonging needs, respect needs, and self-actualization needs. The emotional needs of this generation of children are very strong, and parents must provide psychological nourishment in addition to raising their children.

Although parents have to pay a lot, they can also get a corresponding reward. Our generation is relatively distant from our parents, and although we will fulfill our responsibility to support, it is difficult to speak to our parents, and it is even easy to have conflicts with our parents. One of the reasons behind this is that our parents run around all day to make a living, and they don't have the consciousness and leisure to enter our hearts.

If the current generation of parents consciously enter the hearts of their children, master more scientific family education methods, and cultivate a close parent-child relationship with their children, children love their parents from the bottom of their hearts and are willing to be close to their parents, which is the happiest and most precious return for parents.

Finally, I would also like to remind the majority of mental health practitioners that we should also strengthen self-reflection and constantly recognize our own cognitive boundaries.

During his speech, Professor Kaiwen Xu shared a personal experience. He taught a course "Psychological Trauma Therapy" at Peking University, and students had two weeks of trial time.

Two weeks later, a student came to ask Professor Kevin Xu. He said that Professor Xu's class was particularly good, but then he changed the conversation and asked Professor Xu whether the score for this course was high, and if the score was not high, he would not choose it because he was worried that it would affect his grade point.

Professor Xu Kaiwen said that he felt angry, "Is it that when you go to the best university, you can listen to the best teacher's class, and it is not important to receive the best things, but only the score?" ”

Professor Xu is understandably proud to have served at Peking University, a top institution. But if he really considers himself "the best teacher at the best university" and considers his classes to be "the best thing," it risks revealing his self-righteous side.

Moreover, his course "Psychological Trauma Therapy" has doubts about whether psychological trauma can go deep into the level of implicit memory, or remain at the level of explicit memory like mainstream schools of psychology, and I hope to have the opportunity to communicate with Professor Xu.

Of course, the above suggestions are not to question or deny Professor Xu Kaiwen, his research investigation and public speech, so that the public pays more attention to the mental and psychological state of adolescents and college students, which is of great significance.

However, as mental health practitioners, if we want to better serve the public and understand and solve the mental and psychological problems of adolescents more deeply, each of us needs to self-reflect, change and improve, and be aware of our cognitive boundaries, so as to maintain humility academically and constantly broaden our cognitive boundaries.

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