After the verdict of the Peking University Bao Li case was announced, the deleted chat records were exposed: Why are sensible children easy to be scumbag?
Remember the "Peking University Baoli Case" that made everyone sigh four years ago?
An excellent and kind Peking University girl Bao Li (pseudonym), suspected of being emotionally controlled by her boyfriend for a long time, finally ended with suicide and was declared brain dead.
Overnight, the word PUA became popular all over the Internet, but "mental abuse" was controversial, and Mu Linhan was not arrested for most of the year.
Because he was too cunning to delete all the evidence against him.
Finally, on January 29, 2021, Bao Li's mother used technical means to restore the deleted chat history.
Judging from the chat records exposed by Bao Li's mother, Mu Linhan personally admitted that he had abused Bao Li.
God has eyes, physical + mental abuse is a real hammer.
On June 15, the verdict was finally pronounced in the case, and the court sentenced the defendant Mu Linhan to three years and two months in prison for abuse.
In the past, I always felt that it was a great success to train my son to be a good-natured and cultured gentleman.
As PUA and online pig killing plates gradually entered our field of vision, I suddenly found that:
Why is it that being deceived by slag is always these people who seem to be excellent, kind and even highly educated.
Our parents can not destroy the most basic "humanity" of children in the process of children's growth, so that children have the ability to protect themselves, which is much more important than children's kindness, understanding, and ability to read.
Now education is training waves of children who are easily "scum" ...
How to raise a child with modern rationality but a strong heart?
I think there are two things that parents must not do!
Don't "victimize" your child
In many PUA cases, it is not difficult to find that most of the injured parties continue to find fault for themselves.
A psychologist came to this conclusion:
"Most of the people who were bullied to the point of bruising and crazy introspection came from the wrong way their parents treated them in childhood."
I still remember a hot post that made me feel sorry for the children inside.
A mother posted that her daughter was bullied and bullied by classmates at school, but the mother felt that her daughter thought too much, until her daughter found out depression, and the mother still felt that this was just her daughter moaning without disease.
Moreover, she often admonished her daughter:
"Don't always think that others are wrong when you encounter things, many times it is your own problem."
The daughter completely broke down and refused to communicate with her parents. But this mother was completely unaware of her mistake and posted for herself.
This mother may never think that a sentence of "why don't you think about it is your own problem" can make the child begin to doubt his own cognition of himself.
No bottom line to let children self-reflect, will not teach children better, will only make them become overly sensitive, lack of self-confidence, and gradually tend to low self-esteem.
Children with low self-esteem never dare to fight for their own interests when they have conflicts with others, but will be entangled: "Did I do something wrong?" ”
Children with low self-esteem always think that they don't deserve love, so once they encounter others showing a little kindness to themselves, they don't care about their own feelings and interests, and give their hearts and lungs.
Isn't this kind of child the most "perfect prey" in the eyes of bad people?
Being sensible is actually the cruelest compliment
Ma Sichun was in love, and the whole network pinched the sweat for her.
Why? Because her boyfriend, nicknamed Zhang Manle, is a recognized scumbag in the circle.
Many people sigh, why is it another drama of a good woman falling in love with a scumbag?
From her upbringing, you can see the clues.
From childhood to adulthood, Ma Sichun was taught to be too "sensible".
In order not to cause trouble to others, even if she couldn't hold back on the highway, she refused to tell the master that she wanted to go to the toilet;
I haven't slept a good night for more than ten years, and I don't dare to show a trace of bad emotions in public.
Until one day, she was finally "terminally ill", could not even walk, and was diagnosed with depression...
How many people see their shadow more or less from Ma Sichun?
They eliminate all their desires, all their personalities, to conform to the rules and requirements of the adult world.
Such a grown up child is really terrible.
Their "empathy" and "strong tolerance" are just manifestations of a weak sense of psychological boundaries and weak self-awareness.
Therefore, the "scumbag" in the eyes of others may not be a matter in the eyes of Ma Sichun, but in order to show his understanding and generosity, he turns a blind eye.
Therefore, instead of raising the child to be a person who will sacrifice his feelings in order to be sensible, then I would rather the children I wait for are gentle and angular, kind and sharp.
It is necessary to protect the "humanity" of children
In fact, all of the above, in the final analysis, is not a profound truth.
It doesn't even have to be deliberately cultivated, because people are born with self-defense mechanisms.
Psychology expert Li Songwei in "Round Table School" said:
"It is often people who have received higher education who are PUA, and modern civilization higher education always tells people to break through their comfort zone and accept those things that make people feel painful."
When he feels wronged, he cries loudly;
When attacked, fight back;
If you feel uncomfortable in a relationship, you can take the initiative to leave...
However, we often fall into the misunderstanding of whether children can "endure pain" as a sign of educational success.
But this kind of educational direction is tantamount to helping bad people cultivate a group of prey who do not know how to fight back, and are even willing to sacrifice themselves.
Children are feet, education is shoes.
Good parents will not stifle the nature of the child, but will raise the child to be an assertive, decisive person, with self-awareness and independent personality.
At last
May our children remain true to themselves throughout their lives
Do not be held and hurt by anyone in the name of love
Take control of your own destiny
Have the ability to create happiness
This is a lifelong desire as a parent