Author: Insight South Wind
Some time ago, three Peking University girls were ridiculed by the group for a hot search because of a lack of in-depth interview.
Three Peking University girls invited Japanese sociologist Chizuko Ueno to have a conversation on women's issues.
Originally, netizens were extremely looking forward to this meeting between progressive women.
As a result, it evolved into "questions from elementary school students to professors", and the entire conversation was almost revolving on quite narrow and degraded topics such as love brain, native family, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship, and marriage and fertility.
However, Chizuko Ueno's performance has won the respect of many people.
No matter how embarrassing the question is, she can always express herself meticulously and patiently and gently convey ideas.
Chizuko Ueno is a pioneer of feminism, and familiar words such as "domestic violence", "sexual harassment" and "unpaid labor" were introduced to Asia.
She has a lot of golden sentences, and her books such as "Patriarchy and Capitalism", "Feminism from Zero" and "Starting from the Limit" have brought soul awakening to a generation of women.
No matter how old a woman is, she should read Chizuko Ueno.
In her books, you can always find answers to how women can live this life.
1
Getting out of the marital dilemma:
Marriage and family have never been a security barrier for women
"Don't you get married because you've been hurt by a man?"
The first question raised by the interviewer @Peking University talented woman Quan Xihee is quite offensive.
Chizuko Ueno replied, "Since I was a teenager, I have not been interested in the institution of marriage, not that I don't like men. ”
In Chizuko Ueno's collection of letters "Feminism from Zero", she reveals that journey.
Chizuko Ueno, born in 1948, comes from a down-to-earth middle-class family.
His father was a doctor in his own clinic, and his mother was a hardworking housewife.
Because her parents are in free love, grandma dislikes her daughter-in-law very much and often provokes mother-in-law and daughter-in-law wars at home.
However, every time a conflict broke out, the father would only help his grandmother speak, resulting in the mother's misery and the couple's relationship plummeting.
Chizuko Ueno's mother often vented her grievances on her children.
"If it weren't for you, I would have divorced a long time ago."
But strangely, her mother refused to divorce no matter how painful she was, and forced Chizuko Ueno to repeat her old path when she grew up, get married, have children, run the household, and serve her husband.
In order to clarify her doubts and not repeat her mother's mistakes, Chizuko Ueno worked hard to enter university and continued to study women's studies.
Years later, she uncovered the mystery in "Beginning at the Limit."
It turns out that generations of women have been unmaliciously laid by society as "ideological steel seals" of "not getting married, not consummating".
They see marriage as a necessity and believe that marriage can be smoothly embedded in the social framework, thereby gaining a sense of security and security.
@北大才女全嘻嘻透露说, when he was 30 years old, he was forced to go on blind dates many times in 2 years because he could not withstand the pressure of his seven aunts and eight aunts.
Eventually marriage entered into "secular norms."
It is also mentioned in "Starting to the Limit" that there are many women who, despite their excellent and detached social status, still have a strong need to obtain the title of "married" in order to eliminate all kinds of inconveniences.
However, according to Chizuko Ueno's observation over the years, in many marriages, women not only do not get the security they pursue, but have been hit hard by unsuitable marriages and bruised all over their bodies.
She cautioned, "Don't rush to turn your helpless heart to marriage and family. Marriage or family is not a woman's life security product. ”
Mistaking marriage for a safe haven will eventually find that it has become a gladiatorial arena for you and me.
Relying on the mountains and mountains, relying on everyone to fall.
For the rest of our lives, we can only rely on ourselves.
Only by refusing to provide any form of "insurance" in life is it possible to live the ideal life.
2
Getting out of the emotional dilemma:
Being in love is a struggle of the ego
Nowadays, when it comes to love, everyone seems to be more keen on "making money".
Netizens also ridiculed: "In love, dogs don't talk about it." ”
Working women who are busy to take off, when they think of falling in love from acquaintance, understanding to running-in, their hearts are tired;
A girl who wants to fall in love, as soon as she touches the many love restrictions of the house, car, and ticket, her interest fades.
In addition, modern people take the "self" too seriously, and once the heart is cold in the running-in, the feelings simply do not want to touch again.
One such story is told in "Beginning with the Limit".
Ryomi Suzuki, 40, is a Japanese avant-garde writer and a candidate for Japan's "Wasagawa Award".
Her early experience was very unique, with a prestigious school background and a privileged family, but she chose to become an AV actress.
The mysterious custom industry is like a mirror that magnifies human nature and desires to infinity. The more she sees it, the more Ryomi Suzuki loses interest and confidence in men and falling in love.
So, she wrote to Chizuko Ueno, who is 35 years older than herself, for help, what should she do?
Chizuko Ueno said: "Love is better to talk than not to talk, it can make people's lives more colorful, and in the game field of love, people can deeply learn about themselves and others." ”
Chizuko Ueno confessed that although she is not married, she does not lack love experience.
She has talked about sweet love, she has also experienced sad romances, she has liked good men, and she has encountered bad men.
But for better or worse, these feelings are wonderful physical and mental experiences.
Chizuko Ueno has since figured out her boundaries, touched the other party's bottom line, and gained insight into the most secret desires, jealousy, and control desires in her heart, so that she has the opportunity to overcome, correct and transcend.
Chizuko Ueno has always encouraged women to change from "wanting to be loved" to "actively loving" instead of rejecting dodging.
Love does not blind a person's eyes, on the contrary, good love is a practice of knowing oneself.
When we polish ourselves well, beautiful feelings will also come as promised.
3
Getting out of the workplace:
Anger has power only when it is spoken
Chizuko Ueno once said, "What drove me all the way to where I am today is endless curiosity and anger at social injustice." ”
When she was 10 years old, Chizuko Ueno saw that her brothers were asked by her father to become doctors in the future, so she asked her father what she wanted to do.
The father smiled and said, "Chiko (Chizuko Ueno's nickname) is only a lovely wife. ”
In her 20s, Chizuko Ueno did not enter the school arranged by her father to "teach many good daughters-in-law", but was admitted to university on her own.
A professor asked her what she planned to do after graduation.
Chizuko Ueno answered honestly, having no idea for the time being.
The professor did not give her advice, but smiled and said, "Girls, it's good like this." ”
Chizuko Ueno, who is in her 30s and graduated from a prestigious school, found that 80% of the recruitment positions around her were only men.
In the remaining 20% of positions, the job requirements for women are only to serve tea and pour water, even if she has a high education.
Chizuko Ueno was unwilling, she passed 23 interviews, and it took a lot of effort to find a teaching job, but she encountered all kinds of ridicule and difficulties in the workplace.
Chizuko Ueno felt an anger that she had never experienced before.
She said bluntly, "For the first time in my life, I felt like I had something to say, even if no one asked me to do it. ”
As a result, Chizuko Ueno spent ten years writing "Patriarchy and Capitalism", which sonorously exposed the shackles of patriarchal society on working women.
Once a woman gets married, she becomes a "passerby" in the workplace, and her work may be stopped at any time. Forcing women to choose between "work and family" is a reasonable excuse and means for many workplace discrimination.
In the face of injustice, Chizuko Ueno believes that instead of forgiving compromises and insults and ridicule, it is better to speak out and promote change in the midst of arguments.
In 1986, the "Beauty Debate broke out".
The reason was that when the popular Chinese female singer Chen Meiling refused to give up her job after giving birth, she resolutely brought her 3-month-old son into the recording studio, but it attracted verbal criticism from the society.
In the public perception at that time, "husbands and children" was a woman's vocation, and the practice of "working with children" like Chen Meiling was really against tradition.
But Chizuko Ueno is keenly aware from the scolding that this is the ruthless exploitation of women's rights by society and the workplace.
Therefore, she decisively stood up to support Chen Meiling, and successfully promoted the establishment of Japan's "Childcare Leave Law", which greatly improved the situation of women in the workplace.
In Chizuko Ueno's view, feminism is that as long as you live freely, you can do anything.
Women who truly live free know how to guard their boundaries.
They know exactly what is acceptable and what must not be compromised.
Without expressing anger, there is no clear boundary; If you don't bravely refuse, you can't defend your rights.
The most important step out of your career dilemma is not to hide your voice.
Perhaps, every woman in the workplace has freedom and respect, and there is still a long way to go.
But as long as we continue to speak out, we can attract everyone's attention and usher in an inch change for women's workplaces.
▽
Regarding the controversial interview, someone on the Internet asked, "Why does Chizuko Ueno talk about marriage with people without a theoretical background?" ”
There is a wonderful answer:
"This is her consistent proposition, and she hopes that her research is practical and easy to understand, and ordinary people can understand it.
The "feminism" in Chizuko Ueno's eyes is not dogmatism.
It's a kind of women's freedom, not defined, with options, and genuinely proud to be a woman.
In life, when you and I encounter troubles such as love, marriage, men, and work, you may wish to read Chizuko Ueno.
Comforted under her gentle gaze and drawn strength in her sharp words.
May you and I be able to cross the barriers of life, survive difficult moments, and meet a more wonderful self with the company of words.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.