I am a mother of two children, Dabao Jiajia is 15 years old this year, and Little Bao Ruirui is 11 years old this year. Before studying, it is to let Dabao take the initiative to learn, and Erbao will change the problem of procrastination.
Unexpectedly, I got far more than this, not only the child changed, my heart disease was completely cured, and even my marriage was given a new life.
I come from such a family, and pain is my main theme!
I was greatly influenced by my original family, and I was seriously deprived of psychological nutrition from a young age.
My father was a stern man and he never praised me. When doing well, I have not received affirmation, praise and encouragement from my father. He was usually silent, and it was difficult to see even a smile.
I grew up living in praise from others, saying that I did a good job and I felt right.
Due to the serious lack of security, I want to be recognized by others. In elementary school, I always compared my classmates and always thought that I was the best.
Once, because the teacher did not give me a three-good student, I quarreled with a classmate who was rated a three-good student on the way out of school, thinking that she had taken me.
In the fourth grade of elementary school, the early self-study teacher left us in the classroom to recite, and she did something else. From the time the teacher went out, the two of us began to fight, and we fought and quarreled for an hour and a half until the school bell rang.
The teacher came into the classroom after the school bell rang, and when I saw us fighting, I thought the teacher would think that I was a good student and comfort me. Unexpectedly, the teacher just said coldly: "If you fight, adjust the seat." ”
I was angry, how could the teacher talk like this, and I was still a relative. There is also resentment in your heart, and you feel that you have not done your best, all of which are caused by you.
In this way, this lack of security brought me to work, to marriage, to parenting.
It turns out that I have to satisfy myself first
Later, in the study of the emotion class, when the teacher talked about using EQ emotions to deal with the child's emotions, I did the second step, and the third step could not be carried out again.
I went and asked the teacher. She told me, "I don't accept myself," and I understood, but I didn't know how to do it, and the instructor told me that I could start by reading the self-acceptance prayer and start from my basic needs to meet myself.
So, I started to encourage myself, and now I respond with sandwiches every day to nourish myself. Sometimes I can't think of three good places in my day, so I use writing a diary and a good morning clock to motivate myself, give myself affirmation, and encourage.
In this way, I slowly single explosion to give myself enough psychological nutrition, feel every word in the prayer, and love myself again. Now I am full of positive energy every day, and even the kindergarten teachers say: "You are very energetic every day."
At the same time, in my study, I insist on practicing pasteur breathing every day, and the shoulder pain conditioning of confinement falls is much better, and my doctors say that it cannot be cured, but it has improved in embracing the future.
My breast hyperplasia problem, panic problem has not occurred in the past two months.
In the past, I lived for others and everything about me didn't matter, including my body. Now, I have learned to love myself in order to love my family more. Thanks for embracing the future and letting me find myself back.
Before, I lived for face, for others.
Before Jiajia was born, my ex-husband and I often quarreled, and Jiajia had horse teeth after she was born. I didn't allow them to mess around, and my mother said that if they didn't, the child would die.
Just came into this world, are you going to die? I surrendered, and Jiajia, who had been stabbed with soil methods, was really going to die and had to be hospitalized.
I did not dare to follow, 20 days after the discharge did not recover, I carefully cared for, due to the poor living conditions, my mother is sick again, but also to take care of Jiajia, but also to work, the month fell a lot of diseases, my mother took care of me for half a month, the New Year will go back.
I took care of myself for three months, and I came to my mother's house until Jiajia would leave, because of the New Year, I had to go back to my house.
At this time, Jiajia is in the exploration period, put the TV remote control in the kettle, move the rice cooker out of the pot to play, and she will stand in the pot shell to play. When my ex-husband saw it, he would yell at Jiajia's face and scold me.
I'll argue with him. At that time, life was also irregular, I had to wash the clothes of the whole family by hand, and I could not sleep at 12 o'clock at night. I don't sleep Jiajia and I don't sleep, she will stand in front of me to block my light, and I will yell at Jiajia to block my light.
Now I know, for a child over 1 year old, how do you know what light is?
I yelled, and when I scolded Jiajia, she would turn around in front of me in panic. At that time, her grandfather sat in a chair every day and looked at all of us.
Even if Jiajia is playing alone, as long as he thinks that it is not good behavior, he will yell hard, scaring Jiajia straight up. A 2-year-old child endures all this in this way.
How can I save my child?
When Jiajia was 4 years old, I divorced and took Jiajia to find her current husband. My husband thinks that Jiajia is not her child, and he doesn't care about some of Jiajia's behaviors, but he says me.
He didn't approve of the method I managed, so we fell into the circle of quarrels again, and Jiajia was in the water all day, not knowing what to do was right.
Until the age of 5, Jiajia, who was in kindergarten, still could not sit in a chair and wandered around the classroom. I don't understand education, everywhere to report special classes, this special class is not good, just change the next one.
I used to equate Jiajia's good and bad with myself, and when I saw her not writing homework every day, I beat her, beat her hard, and hit the child with a nosebleed, and I was indifferent. He would continue to fight until she didn't move.
When I was in the upper grades of elementary school, the teacher criticized me and called me to the office, and I went home to scold her and use cold violence against her.
This has caused Jiajia to be inattentive, unable to persist, not confident, unable to distinguish between right and wrong, and various problems have arisen. Psychological nutrition, a serious lack of security, resulting in 15-year-olds still eat hands, a cold once a month.
From now on, I am different, and my child is starting to be different
After participating in the course of embracing the future, I learned that all kinds of problems are the problems of the original family, and the child is a mirror for the parents.
What children are willing to express is the projection of their parents. These annoying behaviors of hers are actually what I did to her before, and now she will give back to me.
I want to be a good container for children's emotions, to paraphrase the teacher's words: "Learning is better than not learning, and learning early is better than learning later." "I am now learning, giving enough children psychological nutrition and security, high-quality companionship, I can also wait for the flowers to blossom."
I hugged her every day after school under the guidance of my teacher and said, "I love you." Before communicating with her every day, remind yourself to respect your child and communicate with 5 mantras and positive language.
Now, even when Jiajia loses her temper with me, I no longer argue with her about right and wrong, but calmly express my inner thoughts and my hopes for her.
Even though she still rejects me sometimes, I think of what the teacher said, when communicating with children, the premise is respect, with a calm, peaceful tone, intonation, with body language eyes, with positive language to talk to children.
Step by step, the communication was smooth. Jiajia has also changed, no longer eat fingers, physical fitness is better, no longer a month cold. Self-care ability has improved, shoes and underwear are washed by themselves; you can also consciously write homework. The most amazing thing is to be able to respect others and communicate in a calm tone.
The husband, who did not like anything, became the intimate person
My husband and I argue every day about educating our children, and if we quarrel more, the negative evaluation will be serious, and it will not be pleasing to see him.
He was the same to me, and when he came in the door all day and came home, he would see which was not pleasing to the eye, and he kept nagging.
My husband is a gossipy guy who comes back to me what he hears and keeps talking to me. I didn't want to hear it, and he would say, "I'll talk to you, and you don't want to hear it." ”
The feeling given to him was that I hated him as a person, so that the relationship between the two parties was not intimate.
After studying, I can clearly express to my husband what kind of words I don't want to hear and what I want to hear.
Once, I, Jiajia, and my husband, we talked while eating. I said, "It's not how much you say and how much you do, it's how much the other person hears and feels, Jiajia, do you think your mother is good to you?"
Jiajia bowed her head and said, "Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad." ”
I said, "Husband, do you think I'm okay with you?" ”
The husband said "Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not good." ”
"Yes, that's how you feel, but for me, I'm pouring all my energy into being good to you."
As I spoke, plus my expressions, movements, they didn't speak, and quietly walked away, and I could feel that they had changed a little bit since then.
Since then, my husband no longer loudly accuses and yells, but respects me, stops calming down and talks again. Now our family is no longer accusing each other, complaining, no longer crying, disturbing people upstairs and downstairs can not sleep. Some are respectful, recognized, and communicated calmly.
Thank you for embracing the future teachers and classmates to accompany you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, how much thanks can not express my gratitude to me.
The above is what a mother told me about parenting and education.
Love is true love, true love needs to learn ah!
Ting Dad, family has a 10-year-old daughter, a creator in the field of high-quality parenting, a family education instructor, a post-70s uncle, a parenting and education master who loves and thinks, welcome to pay attention, forward, like and comment, more parenting and education issues can communicate with me. Make parenting easier and education more effective