Wen | condensed mother's understanding
Recently, Erbao always plays in the community, encounters all kinds of children, and has a lot of feelings.
There was a child, W, who was in the same class as Erbao, and Erbao was very excited to see him and greeted him warmly, but W shouted fiercely, "I don't play with you!" I don't play with you! Saying that, he reached out and hit the second treasure, but was stopped by his mother-in-law.
W's mom was sitting around playing with her phone, and she looked up and didn't say anything, what to do.
The mother-in-law said that W could not watch it since he was a child, and playing with him, he would hit people. The other children hid away when they saw him, and no one wanted to get close to him. I thought it would be better to grow up, but it turned out that it was still like this, and it didn't change at all.
I remember that when Erbao said that she was in the same class as W, her mother-in-law began to worry about Erbao being bullied, and I also counted her down: "Don't use the past to see the problem, it is normal for children to be small and do not understand things, and people will not get better!" ”
Unexpectedly, or I was wrong, if the parents let the child's behavior ignore, the child will not change when he grows up.
Thinking of some articles about children's emotional intelligence, many parents have complained about children who are not friendly like this, and generally think that this is a manifestation of low emotional intelligence.
Harvard Psychology Professor Daniel Gorman mentioned in the book "Emotional Intelligence": In the process of career success, 20% rely on IQ, while 80% rely on other factors, the most important of which is emotional intelligence, good emotional intelligence is the basic quality of your workplace success.
Emotional intelligence has blossomed everywhere, but many parents do not think so, do not associate emotional intelligence with children, and only pay attention to the child's IQ. Always think that the child is small and do not care, but the child's good character will not be automatically developed, if ignored, laissez-faire, the child's bad character will grow like a weed.
Professor Li Meijin said: Before the age of 6 is the key period for children's personality development! Parents must not ignore it.
Children with low emotional intelligence tend to have these 4 manifestations
In "Emotional Intelligence Practice", it is mentioned that emotional intelligence includes four aspects: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and interpersonal relationship management.
It sounds a bit elusive, but if you change it to some actual performance, everyone will understand. After reading many books and articles, I found that the low emotional intelligence performance summarized by parenting experts and parents can be roughly divided into the following 4 types:
1, can not speak, or not screwed, or not vitriolic
Some are commonly known as "rectum", thinking of what to say, such as abandoning the red envelope less, evaluating the aunt is not beautiful, complaining that others have a tone of voice, etc., making people feel uncomfortable listening.
Some like to joke about other people's privacy or shortcomings, such as taking nicknames for classmates' names and figures, laughing at other children's stupidity and so on.
2, can't move to lose your temper
Emotional management skills are very poor, because some small things with sesame seeds are thrown tantrums, such as teachers not allowing themselves to answer questions, classmates do not share things with themselves, and they lose when they play together.
3, do not care about other people's emotions
As long as you are happy, don't care about other people's feelings and emotions. What you want to get is to get it immediately, regardless of whether others are busy or not. When others ask him for help, he is not in a hurry, and he will do his own thing first.
Seeing other children unhappy, not empathizing, and not comforting others. If you are not happy, you will be particularly aggrieved if you do not get comfort.
4, can not correctly handle interpersonal relationships
Some people make friends with him, but he pretends to be cold, ignores him, or directly refuses to let people go thousands of miles away, so that people can't get off the stage. No one made friends with him, and he began to complain again, thinking that it was all bad for others. Nor can they correctly accept the criticism of others, do not know how to reflect, and are stubborn.
Children with low emotional intelligence will not be too good in the future
Children have low emotional intelligence, it is difficult to be liked, and at the same time, the future life will also suffer great setbacks, and it is difficult to make great achievements.
A friend said that the little girl in the neighborhood is simply a typical representative of low emotional intelligence.
Once, when her son was playing with her and accidentally bumped into her, she began to cry. After the son went to apologize to her, he climbed the stairs back to his class, and the little girl chased after her, trying to push her son down the stairs.
The girl's mother was not nervous, but said lightly, "You can't fight on the stairs, this is too dangerous!" ”
The mother did not take the child's behavior seriously, and thought it was a fight.
This girl is very poor in kindergarten, and no children are willing to play with her.
Parents around them all say that no matter what the family does, one day the society will help you manage, which shows how unlikable it is.
I have seen many people with low emotional intelligence have a very unsatisfactory life after adulthood, and even have no direction for their efforts.
For example, this friend knows:
Emotional intelligence is too low, has a serious autistic social phobia personality, never talks to colleagues, and offends people when they speak. Leaders also don't like it, and are often excluded and isolated by their colleagues. After work, I was alone and didn't have any friends.
In the face of such a situation, can efforts still be successful? No matter how hard you try, the best is only 20% of the success, and I don't want to try.
Because of low emotional intelligence, depression, self-abandonment, how painful it is for a young man.
Low emotional intelligence hurts not only others, but more importantly, oneself. When children enter the vortex of self-blame, worry, and exclusion, it is difficult to be the best version of themselves, and life is full of ups and downs.
How to improve your child's emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is related to other people's views on children, related to children's cognition of the world around them, as a parent, if you find that your child has low emotional intelligence, you must correct it in time, from now on, everything will not be too late.
First, improve your emotional intelligence
Some people asked "how to improve children's emotional intelligence", and some respondents answered "first improve the emotional intelligence of parents".
It is particularly reasonable that the child's words and deeds are the refraction of the parents, and what kind of person the parents are, the children will learn to be what kind of people. Therefore, parents must first learn to improve emotional intelligence, teach by example, and let children learn to correctly control emotions, empathize with others, and interact with people.
Second, handle your child's emotions correctly
Emotional intelligence is actually "emotional intelligence," and Salovy and John Meyer define it as understanding one's own emotions, managing one's own emotions, self-motivating, recognizing the emotions of others, and dealing with interpersonal relationships.
Therefore, to improve emotional intelligence, it is crucial to deal with emotions.
There was a little girl who began to lose her temper because her father did not meet her request and threw the doll in her hand to the ground. When Dad saw this, he didn't reprimand her, but leaned down and whispered, "I know you're sad, but dolls can hurt, what do you need Daddy to do for you?" The little girl heard this, picked up the doll, and began to communicate with her father.
This father's approach is remarkable, he squarely faces the child's emotions, accepts the child's emotions, and lets the child learn empathy.
In the process, children feel understood, noticed, and learn how to express their emotions, using language instead of venting their anger on others.
Again, show your child some helpful picture books or cartoons
Children like to listen to stories, watch cartoons, it is easy to be infected, educated, you can take children to watch more picture books or cartoons about emotional intelligence. Erbao has seen a lot, and can also learn to apply it in daily life.
In the yard met a small friend, he took the initiative to greet "Hello, my name is Orange Orange, what is your name", the other party responded "Hello, my name is Bobo", Erbao continued to say "Let's play together!" Then, the two children played happily together.
At that time, I thought, how can a child be self-taught? Later, I found out that the child learned it by watching cartoons.
Finally, let the child learn in their interactions with others
"Emotional Intelligence" mentions that emotional intelligence is traditionally passed on through daily life, such as getting along with parents and relatives, and playing freely and freely.
Therefore, children should get along with adults and children with different personalities and learn emotional management skills from them.
It is found that some children can not play with more than one person at the same time, can only play with one person, once there are many people, they selectively isolate another child or several children, which is also because the child is inexperienced, and it is good to encourage children to interact with more children.
Children will learn from others how to express themselves politely, how to coexist peacefully, how to share, how to abide by order and rules, how to be considerate of others, and achieve the purpose of same frequency resonance.
As long as parents guide correctly, the child's emotional intelligence will not be too low.
epilogue
Emotional Intelligence mentions that the most basic emotional habits that affect our lives are established during critical periods of childhood and adolescence.
We must attach importance to the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence, so that children become a person with high emotional intelligence, liked and respected by others, and they can also be unburdened, energetic, and open up a beautiful life.
I'm @Gelma Goku
Mother of two boys, more than 10 years of parenting experience
Accompany children to read, English enlightenment, science enlightenment
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