In a child's development, mistakes are inevitable. It's not scary to make mistakes. What is scary is the parenting style. Sometimes, the wrong way parents are educated can become a hidden danger for their children's lives. Therefore, these four low emotional intelligence practices, every parent should pay attention to, after the child makes a mistake, parents must not do it.
First of all, parents should not turn over old accounts.
When children make mistakes, many parents like to go through old accounts. They believe that by constantly repeating their mistakes, the child can learn a lesson and correct it as soon as possible. But in fact, educating children with old grades will only make the children feel that "I am really bad", not "how can I correct my mistakes". When there are more and more negative emotions such as shame, anger, and annoyance in the heart, the child will subconsciously block the nagging of the parents, and gradually the child will choose to give up on himself. Therefore, parents should try to restrain their impulses when dealing with every mistake of their children. Everyone should be down-to-earth, focus on one problem at a time, do not turn over old accounts, and do not repeat the bad behavior of previous children. Otherwise, it will only increase one problem to two or even more, which will not only increase the difficulty of solving the problem, but also affect the child's personality development and psychological state. Parents turning over old accounts is the biggest culprit in hurting their children.
Second, force the child to apologize.
Many parents see that their children have made mistakes and refuse to apologize, so they begin to threaten their children:
"If you make a mistake and don't apologize, why are you so disobedient and want to be beaten?"
In the end, the child, under the pressure of his parents, muttered "I'm sorry."
Forcing the child to apologize seems to have successfully solved the problem, but in fact it has left a great hidden danger.
A psychologist once said, "If the child does not take the initiative, such a mistake is meaningless." ”
Under the pressure of parents, the child has to say sorry, but what does the child think? The child will not understand, will not accept, and will make the same mistake again.
Because children don't really realize their mistakes, they may make the same mistakes later.
Even, in this wrong way of education, some children will become sensitive and inferior and do not trust their parents. Even some children are likely to keep saying "sorry" as soon as something happens, deliberately currying favor with each other, and becoming unprincipled, but they will still make it next time.
Such child apologies are cheap, meaningless, and disrespectful to others and to oneself.
Finally, parents kept preaching the truth.
Some parents, when their children make mistakes, grab their children and talk about it and be reasonable. In the words of a child, the ears are almost out of their cocoons. Although this kind of education is mild and will not hurt the child's body and mind, the key is that the educational effect is not good. In fact, children make mistakes, and parents are not wrong to be reasonable, but don't keep preaching and reasoning. When you reason with your child, your intention is obvious, and the child passively accepts it, and may even arouse the child's rebellious psychology and make the child very disgusted. Educator Rousseau believed that the three most useless methods of education in the world were: reasoning, tantrums, and deliberate movement. When a child is faced with a wrong thing, parents blindly compete with it and tell the child whether this thing is wrong or not. The consequence of this is to push the child towards us.
In fact, the child does not want to make mistakes, he just does not understand your rules!
When you see a child jumping on the bed barefoot and stepping on the mud...
When you see that children are obsessed with watching cartoons and are not willing to write homework...
When you see a child making unreasonable trouble, trying to "threaten" you with various "means" ...
When you see children doing things and rubbing, how to urge and not listen...
Whenever this happens, many parents start by preaching repeatedly, and after a long time, there is no effect at all, and finally the suppressed small flame begins to rub upwards.
In fact, it is very common for children to make mistakes, and every parent understands this very clearly, but why is it that whenever a child makes a mistake, he will still be angry and thunderous, breaking his mouth and blaming it?
In fact, children don't want to make mistakes, they just don't understand your rules
Before the age of 6, children are still young, have not yet established a sense of rules, and the results of their behavior cannot meet the standards of adults.
Learning rules is a long process that requires repetitive practice and lessons from word to deed. The attitude of parents affects the degree to which children correct their mistakes.
Many times, the mistakes that parents see intolerable are actually just that the child's cognition is limited and cannot meet the requirements of the parents. That is – I want to do it, but I can't.
“
For children to make mistakes, ordinary parents see that children have various problems and are anxious to correct the chaos.
Smart parents see the growth code behind their children's mistakes.
The different reactions and practices of different parents have completely different impacts and educational significance for children.
Overprotected, blocking the wind and rain, but also shielding the sun
A mother once went to ask a psychologist why she cared for her children who grew up, but now she is in her twenties but she has a lonely personality, is weak and incompetent, can't lift her spirits for anything, and can't do anything well.
The expert asked: "The first time the child tied his shoelaces, he didn't tie it well and always beat the knot." Have you never bought shoes with shoelaces anymore? ”
The mother nodded doubtfully.
The expert asked: "The first time a child went into the kitchen to wash dishes, he was covered with water, did you stop letting your child into the kitchen?" ”
The mother nodded hesitantly.
The expert also asked: "The first time the child folded the quilt, the folding was crooked, did you help him fold it well, and never let him fold it again?" ”
The mother nodded in amazement.
The expert also said: "After graduating from college, did you arrange a future for him again?" ”
The mother was even more shocked and nodded her head.
Finally, the expert affirmed: "Is my son now having no performance in his work, not getting along well with his colleagues, and not having a good relationship with you?" ”
The mother let out a wow and cried out.
The expert said solemnly: "You have done everything well, so the child will not do everything!" ”
Sometimes the overprotectiveness of parents helps the child block the wind and rain, but also blocks the sunshine on his growth path.
Accept your child's mistakes and discover the windfalls of growing up
A scientist mentioned an experience when he was 2 years old: he wanted to take a bottle of milk out of the refrigerator, but the bottle was too slippery, the bottle fell off, and the milk spilled on the ground.
The mother did not get angry when she saw the milk on the ground, nor did she scold loudly, but gently advised him whether to play in the milk puddle for a few minutes.
After a while, his mother proposed that he clean the floor and give him three choices: sponge, towel, and mop. After he had chosen it, he cleaned the milk on the ground with his mother.
After that, his mother filled the milk bottle with water and taught him how to grasp the bottle. After repeated practice, he finally understood the technique.
The scientist said: "From that moment on, I knew I didn't have to fear mistakes anymore. Mistakes are just opportunities to learn something new. The same is true of scientific experiments, and even if they fail, I can still learn something from it. ”
Children who love to make mistakes need the approval of their parents even more
When a child makes a mistake, if the parent gives a detailed explanation and encouragement, the child sees "I can do better";
If the parent comes up with angry blame and complaining, then the child sees "I am so bad" and the mistake becomes a new starting line, not a stumbling block.
For 2-6 year old babies, patience is always the best "good medicine". If parents expect their children to be "perfect babies" at this time, and have excessive expectations, they will only increase their anxiety and will not be of any benefit to their growth.
Making mistakes is a problem.
But don't correct your child as a problem.
Hurlbut says:
Children need love, especially when they are not worthy of love.
When the error strikes,
Crouch down, hold the child, and face it together.
▍ Article source: Network
![When you meet someone asking you to "participate" in a group activity, whether you go or not, your "response" should be comfortable[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)