What makes one a person with high emotional intelligence? Start by recognizing these three "social illusions."

Text/Idle Kite, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang

Zhou Guoping said:

"In the world, in addition to eating and sleeping, people are nothing more than doing things and interacting with people."

Neighbors, colleagues, friends, and relationships form the social network of our lives. Everyone wants to have many friends and a harmonious relationship. However, many people are often prone to various illusions when socializing.

Some of the things they think are right have made them miss many friends unconsciously.

If you want to become a person with high emotional intelligence, then you must recognize these three social illusions early.

01 Think that the relationship is good, just step on the border

Analects Cloud:

"If you want to benefit, you will benefit others first; if you want to reach, you will reach others first."

In a mature relationship, people tend to have the illusion that they are the one who is being specially cared for.

However, a relationship of taking is not sustainable for long.

Netizen Xiao Yi has shared her personal experience on the Internet:

On the day of March 8th, Xiao Yi took a half-day off and accompanied his mother to go shopping.

At 5 p.m., she received a call from her colleague Xiao Yu. Xiao Yu asked anxiously on the phone, "Where are you?" ”

Xiao Yi honestly replied that he had taken a break in the afternoon.

After Xiao Yu listened, she complained and said, "If you take a break, who will send me to the train station?" I bought a train ticket at 7 o'clock, and if you don't send it, I won't be able to catch this train. ”

Xiao Yi was very annoyed when he heard it, but he still pressed his temperament and said to her: "Can't you just take a taxi yourself?" Then quickly hung up the phone.

In fact, Xiao Yi's heart has long been wronged, she thought to herself: Usually commuting to work every day, you can rub the car. Every time you go out to eat, you also let me pick you up, and after eating, you have to send you home, you didn't say a word of thanks, and now you blame me!

Xiao Yu did not feel embarrassed, she once said to Xiao Yi: "Anyway, you have a car, a foot on the accelerator." But she didn't know that this foot throttle would not only cost people money, but also take a lot of people's time.

Zhou Guoping once said:

"All interactions have an insurmountable final boundary, and all troubles and conflicts arise from inadvertently trying to break through this boundary."

Yes, when dealing with people, everyone has a boundary, and we can't just think about our own needs and constantly push the boundaries of others.

In fact, the disintegration of all relationships begins with a lack of a sense of boundaries.

It is the duty of others not to help you, it is the love to help you, the love is to be thanked, not to complain, and the love is used to repay, not to blame. Moreover, the relationship between people originally follows the principle of fairness, and only when the payment and return are equal, will the energy channel flow endlessly.

You never reciprocate? Where are the justified accusations?

02 Thinking that people do not know, they gossip about private affairs

As the old saying goes:

"Whoever is right or wrong must be non-human."

A person is always keen to gossip about other people's private affairs, not only will miss their own growth opportunities, but also because of a word to blame, let themselves be deeply involved in the vortex of right and wrong.

In the TV series "Positive Youth", Lin Rui has a powerful assistant named Cai Cai.

Once, Cai Cai reported to Lin Rui and talked about Fang Jing in South China.

Cai Cai said that when Fang Jing came to East China, no one was brought with him, and they were all stripped away from them. She dug Sun Nana over, she was sure that this was planned by Fang Jing in advance, Sun Nana transferred to the promotion of manager, and several sales that she wanted to be good also followed...

Lin Rui immediately interrupted Cai Cai and told her not to gossip, or to collect more useful data.

Cai Cai stuck out his tongue and stopped talking about Fang Jing's gossip.

Lin Rui went on to say:

"You know, at SW, everything is about sales performance. Do you know what I can't rest assured of? It's that you can't control your mouth. If you want to improve quickly beyond others, you must remember to spend time on the blade of the knife and don't gossip about other people's private lives. ”

In life, we often meet people like Cai Cai. They always focus on the private affairs of others, and whenever there is a disturbance, they inquire everywhere and talk about it freely.

Socrates said:

"The Heavens have given man two ears and two eyes, but only one mouthful, so that he may hear more and see more and speak less."

Life is like climbing a mountain, and the most terrible thing is that you are talking about those short flights and long streams, and others are trying to climb. When you suddenly find out, others have already reached the top of the mountain.

Therefore, do not take the initiative to talk about other people's idle things; other people's rights and wrongs, do not passively echo, when you manage your own mouth, do not say gossip, you can enhance your own ability, more comprehensive their own reputation.

03 I think that if I have a lot of knowledge, I am a good teacher

Luo Zhenyu said in his speech:

"Even with pure goodwill, don't jump to conclusions about others."

Yes, but in life, there are always some people who are condescending and put on a well-informed appearance to educate others. As everyone knows, people who often point fingers and feet are just using the name of "love" to inflict malice on others.

I once saw such a thing on Douban:

Xiao Mo organized an alumni reunion. After three rounds of drinking, Xiao Mo casually complained about the situation that he often worked overtime years ago.

A senior who considers himself a "senior" talks through wine. He said, "Xiao Mo, you are just too tender." You just joined the company and didn't know anything. When we are in the company, we must know how to manage interpersonal relationships..."

Therefore, the senior talked about psychology from the law of workplace survival, and from the workplace to the action. He also said that Xiao Mo should find opportunities to move around with the leader.

Xiao Mo did not approve of the senior's remarks, and politely responded with a few voices.

The senior saw that he did not react, and was even more excited, he said, "How can you be so negative!" Remember that you used to like to avoid problems, so many years have passed, how can not change ah, you are a personality disorder ah..."

After Xiao Mo heard this, he was even more depressed. Originally, it was just an unintentional spit on the wine table, but I did not expect to attract the "crazy guidance" of the senior.

The senior not only gave him a bunch of "workplace knowledge", but also analyzed his various workplace obstacles, and finally let Xiao Mo learn his own work experience.

The senior thinks that he has traveled longer than others and seen more things than others, so he looks like a life mentor. But this self-righteous zeal has offended Xiao Mo.

A person who is a good teacher is often not liked, because there is a condescending feeling in it, so that others do not experience a real respect.

Zhou Guoping once said:

"There are very few self-aware people in the world, and good people abound."

The greatest self-discipline of adults is to restrain the desire to correct others. Because not imposing your own ideas on others is the minimum and ultimate, the relationship can be maintained for the longest time.

04 Mei Niang said

Someone said: "The longest fate between people is only more than 30,000 days." ”

Grasping the scale of mutual interaction and respecting the lives of others is the embodiment of high emotional intelligence.

Not self-righteous, courtesy exchanges, in order not to over-take, maintain friendship;

Do not gossip about private affairs, save time and energy, in order to better improve yourself;

Not being a good teacher, communication is measured, in order to let the other party get real respect, in exchange for each other's sincerity.

In the journey of life, may you and I recognize these social illusions as soon as possible, improve our emotional intelligence, and navigate our own world.

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