There is a popular saying in parent circles: compared with raising girls, the difficulty index of raising boys is increased by 100 times!
This is not an exaggeration, the development characteristics of boys determine the growth path is difficult and thrilling.
Especially after going to school, one question after another struck: mischievous, love to play games, do not love to learn, can not write essays, sometimes inferior, sometimes rebellious and willful... These problems occur widely in boys, stimulating the nervous nerves of countless parents. Solving one of these problems alone is enough to drain our minds.
If all these problems were concentrated in a boy, would his parents collapse to the extreme?
Knocking is such a "problem boy", and his father is a well-known contemporary Chinese writer and philosopher, Zhou Guoping.
Like many parents, Zhou Guoping will also face unprecedented challenges on the road to raising a baby, just like upgrading to fight a small monster, painful and happy. It is not so much that the "faults" in his son bother him, but that the son's "personality" prompts him to become a better father and a better self.
Zhou Guoping used to record his relationship with his children into words, and "Lady" and "Baby, Baby" have touched countless people. Recently, the book "Percussion", which grew up with his son, was published, sharing more of the feelings of raising boys, and no matter how many problems children have, under his patient guidance, they will be solved. After reading it, people can't help but sigh: if a father can have such gentleness and wisdom, how lucky his children should be!
Every moment of your child's growth
All worthy of awe
When Zhou Guoping's wife, Guo Hong, was pregnant with her son, she wanted to have an abortion due to the policy, and when she went to the hospital for a check-up, the doctor said that the child's heartbeat was very strong, as if he was constantly knocking on the door, as if he wanted to knock on the door of his fate. Such a vibrant life, how can you bear to give up? So he chose to be born and named it "Knocking".
In Zhou Guoping's eyes, tapping is cute and fun. He loved every moving moment of his son, always with a heart of awe and full of curiosity about this little life.
"At eleven o'clock in the night, I took a nap and went into the living room. Knock was sitting on the carpet, bored, and the babysitter was watching over him. When he was a child, the nanny was not easy to find, and he changed several stubbles. The middle-aged nanny was always frowning, and he didn't like it.
As soon as he saw me, his eyes lit up, he cheered in a low voice, and immediately crawled toward me quickly. He tilted his head back, stared at me, his hands and feet flexible and coordinated, and climbed very fast.
A little baby crawling towards his father, this scene is so cute. My heart was full of emotion, and I also lay on the ground to welcome his arrival. I held him tightly in my arms. ”
In the early childhood stage, the intimate companionship of parents is crucial, and boys have more demands for this sense of security.
Percussion 8-year-old works
Michael Thompson, a famous American psychologist, said: According to research on infants and young children, it has been shown that boys' early attachment to their mothers and fathers is more likely to be destroyed than girls; this attachment need is as much as girls, or even more (so don't over-temper them because they are boys).
So, when caring for boys, respect their nature and allow them to release their inner emotions by crying. They and girls have the same need for love, need hugs, need tenderness, encouragement, and physical intimacy, especially during the period when they are born to the age of six.
Zhou Guoping did not skimp on his intimacy and embrace, and a sense of inner stability was thus established.
When freedom hits the rules
Help your child regain self-confidence
Before entering the school, the environment for growing up was always relaxed and free, so that when he first entered the campus, he faced various adaptations and became more and more resistant to going to school. How to balance freedom and rules, how to improve children's rule awareness and self-control while not suppressing children's nature, this is a major problem encountered by Zhou Guoping.
In order to help Percussion adapt to the "small society" of school and fall in love with learning, Zhou Guoping and his wife have thought of many ways. Two of these things helped a lot, one was to accompany his son to paint, and the other was to accompany his son to exercise. Let the percussion emotions find an outlet, and regain self-confidence is the most important.
From Nancheng in Beijing to Wangjing, it took almost an hour one way, and I went to a painting class for four years. Since the fourth grade, every Saturday morning, I have been going to the major country parks in Beijing to run orienteering, and I have insisted on it for at least four years. Every weekend at six o'clock in the morning, I put on the water, went for a run, and my whole body was soaked... Knocking fell in love with the sport of cross-country, experienced a sense of accomplishment, and his talents were recognized and became more and more confident.
Knock on the 8-year-old work "A Cat with Character"
Believing that he can do it is the most important strength in a boy's heart.
Do not control the child, respect the child's opinion, within the safe range let him boldly try, and seriously do a good job as a companion, this degree of freedom will not spoil the child, but let the child have enough space to plan their own time, reasonable arrangement of their own things.
When tapping the game for too long, Zhou Guoping said to his son, "Your grades are completely incompatible with your IQ, and Dad did not say that you are not allowed to play video games, but only asked you to put your main interests in meaningful things and make playing video games a harmless pastime." ”
Knock gladly agreed. This is the parent-child relationship of equal communication and aura matching.
A writer's son can't write an essay?
Authentic expression is more important than anything else
I don't get good grades in Chinese, and I especially hate writing. Zhou Guoping's writer genes did not affect his son, which is indeed a distressing thing.
Zhou Guoping was well aware of his son's difficulties, did not preach, but patiently guided, a little bit to stimulate the interest in writing.
"I can't think of anything to write about that kind of tall topic, so I let him deal with it casually." Some topics, he should have a little of his own real feelings and thoughts, but can not grasp. I found a way to help him, which was to talk to him and elicit his excitement as a point of writing.
I think it's fun to guide him to write in this way.
In writing, I attach the most importance to three points, that is, the content should be true, the expression should be accurate, and the text should be concise. That's how I actually guided him. I believe that in the process, he will gradually learn how to choose materials and turn materials into words. ”
With the interest guidance method, percussion also fell in love with reading. In fact, the method is very simple, first of all, parents must love to read, but also to participate in the children's communication on related topics.
Be good at finding more shining points in your child
"I would rather other people have bright personalities and bleak academic performance" - in how to shape children's values and determine life goals, Zhou Guoping believes that the future of children should be oriented, but not positioned. Orientation means to have an abstract direction – the child should be a kind, rich, noble person, which I think is the most beautiful quality. But don't position, don't specify what the child should do, this is up to the child to decide.
Zhou Guoping never blamed his son for poor grades, always encouraged him, praised him for being smart, and told him not to care about scores. He sees more of the shining point of his son's character — good character, cheerful, gentle, friendly, assertive, and reasonable.
Zhou Guoping said: "Even if he suffered great setbacks in his studies, these valuable advantages are still intact... I'd rather have a bright personality and a bleak academic record than the other way around. ”
Knock on the 9-year-old work
Being good at finding the shining points on his son and giving a wave of praise in time is what Zhou Guoping is best at.
Zhou Guoping liked to paint, and Zhou Guoping said: "You paint very well, I have many painter friends, and they all say incredible when they see it." ”
Knocking on the math is good, Zhou Guoping said: "The two of us often play math games together and solve mathematical fun problems. You're often better than me! It's not easy, I was also a top mather when I was in middle school! ”
Zhou Guoping said: "You are in love with orienteering, this sport requires physical strength, dexterity and mental clarity. ”
Once, his paintings were praised by everyone, and he said a long series of words, which were recorded by Zhou Guoping, only because he felt that these fairy tales were "incisive philosophies of life"——
"In the future, when my paintings are put in the museum, I will have a lot of fans. When I die I will still be alive in my paintings! When a man dies, he lives in what he has created."
Knock on the 9-year-old work
There are too many surprises in the growth of children, but we are too anxious, disturbed by external noise, only staring at the external performance of children's achievements, and ignoring the most precious and vital things in children.
Regarding the difference between the parenting of boys and girls, Zhou Guoping believes that where in the world there is a unified way to educate boys or girls, every boy is himself, every girl is herself, and other boys or girls are different. All you can do is love this different, understand this difference, and let this difference become value.
The experience of raising boys, Zhou Guoping shared three feelings, real and objective:
First, the company of the father is particularly important in the growth of boys;
Second, boys are active, weak self-control, how not to suppress the active nature, but also gradually cultivate and enhance self-control, is a difficult point in boys' education;
Third, boys have a slow growth rhythm and a late maturity of mind, so they must have full awareness and enough patience for this, and they must not rush to achieve results.
The boy's growth process is magnificent and full of twists and turns, and we must experience the natural growth of a life from birth to the age of 18 with a sense of awe, just like we appreciate works of art.
● From birth to 18 months: cute and sweet, completely dependent on you, please soothe him well.
● From 18 months to 3 years old: Wayward boys, please be patient.
● From 3 to 4 years old: Like to praise and show off, and a little self-inflated, please cooperate with his performance.
● From 5 to 7 years old: Bursting with energy, can't sit still, please protect his creativity.
● From 8 to 10 years old: love to try, strong logic, please give him time to find interest.
● From 11 to 13 years old: The body is prone to sensitivity, please give him a private area and respect privacy.
● From the age of 14 to 15: Start to express your opinions and have opinions, please give him support and encouragement, and be less skeptical.
● From the age of 16 to 18: The big boy who is independent and has begun to go to society, please be bold and let go.
Miracle Boy
No matter how bad he is,
Will grow into a beautiful look -
Strong warmth, positive and brave, responsible.
I believe he will carry the power of this love,
Be an amazing man or dad in the future.
"When Happiness Knocks"
END