No two leaves in the world are exactly the same.
01
Respect for difference is a sign of a person's true "adulthood".
Heard a story.
There was a very loving couple who set up a stall, and when it was lunchtime, the man came to bring food to his wife.
While the two were happily sitting on the steps to eat, a passing aunt glanced at them and said to the woman, "Big sister, you are so pitiful!" Hard work to earn money, husband will give you such a shabby thing. ”
Hearing these words, the woman held the rice in her hand, her eyes were full of tears, and the men next to her had red eye circles, and she was no longer in the mood to eat...
Many people say that this big mother is not cultivated, has no morality, and agrees very much, but I want to add one more: immature.
Maturity is never about looking at a person's age, but about whether he or she is sufficiently tolerant and understanding of others and the world.
Auggie, who was born with facial deformities in Miracle Boy, said, "I'm more afraid of facing children than adults, because they're scared when they see me, and children don't hide it." ”
Children will directly say to a person: "Hello old", "Hello ugly", "I hate you", children will like to ask adults whether the person who appears on TV is a good person or a bad person.
Because it is very simple to classify things into two types, it is not very demanding on the mind. But it's much harder to see and embrace the complexity and diversity of a person at the same time.
Unfortunately, many adults, while physically mature, have no substantial improvement in mind than when they were 5 years old.
It is not necessary to get married at the age of thirty, it is not necessary to have children when you are married, it is not a successful life to become rich, it is not to eat well and dress expensive to be happy...
These are just your thoughts, your values, but not everyone's—
A truly mature person tends to understand and respect others more.
And an immature person is always accustomed to using his own thinking to judge the life of others and look at the world with his own limited vision.
02
True respect is "do unto others as you please."
Recently, I saw such a thing online.
The girl said she and her friends went to a highly rated Western restaurant, where pasta and cod steak were particularly delicious.
Unexpectedly, such a trivial matter that is very ordinary was ridiculed by the boyfriend for "pretending to be high-class" and "speechless", and even said: "It is better to eat that thing than to eat spicy and hot downstairs." ”
The turnip greens have their own love, but the boyfriend's attitude is very problematic.
In the Analects, it is said: "Gentlemen are harmonious but different, and small people are different."
In interpersonal communication, a gentleman can maintain a harmonious and friendly relationship with others, but does not have to agree with the other party in his views on specific issues.
Whether it is love marriage or social communication, we will always encounter such a situation:
What you want, what you like, what you love, is worthless or even spurned in the eyes of others. And what you hate to the extreme is likely to be a treasure in the eyes of others.
Some people like to eat durian and stinky tofu, and some people want to vomit when they smell it;
Some people pursue bustling metropolises, and some people yearn for remote mountain villages;
Some people have a deep affection for Korean dramas, and some people sneer at Korean dramas...
Philosophers say that in this world, half of the people are happy, and the other half do not understand.
In your eyes it is arsenic, and in the eyes of others it is likely to be honey.
Many couples have different eating habits, which is why there is the "story of the fish's head":
A person likes to eat fish heads, thinking that the other party also likes, giving the fish head to the other party for a lifetime, and finally knowing that the other party does not like to eat fish heads at all, but in order not to hurt the lover's heart, it is hard to eat for a lifetime.
So we often think that being good to another person is not necessarily what the other person really needs.
Lu Hou in Zhuangzi Outer Chapter Zhile offers a "divine bird" in his own way of pleasure: "Playing "Jiu Shao" for pleasure, and Gu Tai prison for food. The bird was blinded by sorrow, did not dare to eat a cup, did not dare to drink a cup, and died in three days. ”
People are always wishful thinking, feel that they like what others must like, will not listen to other people's ideas, do not know how to think in a different position.
Zhou Guoping said: We should remember that what we want is not necessarily what people want, and we must not do to others.
If it is said that "do not do to others what you do not want" is the minimum virtue of a civilized person, it opposes the intentional harm to others, and advocates that you live and let others live.
Then, "do not do to others what you want" is the advanced cultivation of a civilized person, which respects the independent personality and spiritual freedom of others, and then advocates living according to their own way, and also allowing others to live according to others' ways.
03
Exchanging respect for respect can manage the best feelings.
Lu Xun and Lin Yutang were once friends for many years. Later, the two made different choices:
Lin Yutang talked about humor, expressive spirit leisure, and twisted to express dissatisfaction with reality; Lu Xun chose to face the bleak life, using literature as a "dagger" and "shooting" to stab the enemy.
In this way, they went farther and farther ideologically, cooperated less and less, and eventually parted ways.
In 1935, Lin Yutang went to the United States, and throughout his life, the two did not see each other again. In 1936, Lu Xun died of tuberculosis. Lin Yutang wrote this text:
Lu Xun and I get along twice, alienate twice... I always respect Lu Xun... Everyone who sees the same thing, but as a sign of clutching, has no personal intentions.
In "Six Memories of Floating Life", the love between Shen Fu and Yunniang makes our hearts yearn for it, and the harmony between the two penetrates from the communication of hearts to daily life.
Life is not rich, but Yunniang can always make surprising delicacies, praised by Shen Fu, and even the stinky tofu he hated the most in his life has finally become a very favorite dish.
Zhou Guoping said: How a person treats people who hold different views reflects his degree of civilization more than what kind of views he holds.
With respect, whether it is family, friendship or love, there is an indelible tenacity;
With respect, that love has a living soul, allowing time and space to change, and will not change easily.
04
Respecting the differences of others is a lifelong practice.
"The Great Gatsby" begins with this passage:
When I was young and inexperienced, my father taught me a sentence that I still remember.
"Whenever you want to criticize anyone," he told me, "remember that not all people in this world have the advantages you have." ”
The philosopher Leibniz said: "There are no two leaves in the world that are exactly the same." ”
The world is so big, everyone has their own values, and it is inevitable that they are accustomed to looking at problems from their own standpoint.
When you are faced with something you are not accustomed to, no longer pointing, but try to tolerate and accept everything;
When you know how to respect the preferences, habits and ways of doing things of others, and tolerate the differences and customs of others;
When you are no longer always self-centered, always thinking about changing others, but first adjust your own mentality...
Congratulations, it's one step closer to maturity.
The Way is:
Allowing yourself to be different from others makes you unique; allowing others to be different from you makes you unique.
If you think it's good, click "..." in the upper right corner of the screen to share to the circle of friends