The father-in-law wants to marry a small wife, but the son asks his daughter-in-law to help find it;
The little uncle found someone to borrow money, and asked his sister-in-law to do the guarantee...
Such a question is a bomb to everyone, but Yunniang in "Six Memories of Floating Life" has followed.
The father-in-law who worked in the field wanted to marry a concubine when he was a lot older, and he told his friend about this meaning, and this friend told Shen Fu.
Shen Fu wrote a letter to tell Yunniang about this matter, and asked her to help her father look at each other and find a suitable one.
Yunniang really found a Yao girl, and did not know whether her father-in-law was satisfied, so she took it home first. The mother-in-law saw it and asked, "Who is this girl?" ”
Yunniang said, "Ah, I just came to play at home." ”
Later, the father-in-law wrote a letter to ask Shen Fu to bring this Yao girl to his side, and Yunniang told her mother-in-law that this was the person that the father-in-law had originally looked up to.
The mother-in-law was angry: "Didn't you say that she came to play at home, why did you want to marry her?" ”
This completely offended the mother-in-law, and from then on, Yunniang had to go around when she saw her mother-in-law.
Shen Fu's younger brother Qi Tang was not a good man either. He borrowed a loan outside and let Yunniang do the guarantee, and Yunniang actually agreed.
As a result, Qi Tang could not pay for it, and people came to the door. At that time, Gonggong, Shen Fu, and Qitang were all in the field, and Yunniang had no choice but to write to them to explain the matter.
The father-in-law was very angry when he read the letter and asked QiTang if there was such a thing, and Qitang denied it.
The father-in-law immediately thought that Yunniang's own loan was still on the little uncle, and he was furious.
Well, Yunniang offended her father-in-law as well.
It should be known that Shen Fu and Yunniang have no property or income themselves, and their lives completely depend on the big family. The father-in-law and mother-in-law have been offended, how is life still going?
Not long after, they were kicked out of the house by their in-laws and began a precarious wandering life.
In their big family, the relationship between the members is the most typical "blurred boundary" in real life.
The issue of the father-in-law's marriage and love is a matter between the father-in-law and the mother-in-law, and if others intervene, they will cross the border.
The debt problem of relatives is also a very personal problem, and other people are involved and often get entangled.
Shen Fu and Yunniang's dependence on the extended family is also a blurred line. When you should stand up for yourself, you can't stand up, you rely on others to eat and wear, and you have lost the drive of self-development.
This over-reliance obscures their responsibilities. The small family that should bear the burden cannot afford it, and the debts of the in-laws and brothers who should not bear the burden are borne as their own affairs.
Such blurred boundaries must have made every family member feel hurt in the end.
In addition to this, there is also an extreme of family relationships, which are rigid boundaries.
Family members do not interfere with each other but do not care about each other, and everyone is immersed in their own world and does not want to enter each other's world.
Such rigid, emotionless boundaries are indeed "wise and self-protective", but they are too indifferent and lose the warmth and love of the family.
The ideal sense of boundaries is both clear and flexible.
Family members not only maintain their own relative independence, but also have good communication and love for each other.
In psychology, "boundaries" refer to "the perception of oneself and others as different individuals."
Manifested in family relations, that is, everyone has a clear understanding of their own responsibilities and those of others, which can not only protect their rights and interests from being affected by others, but also will not affect the rights and interests of others.
Children who grow up in an ideally bounded family are both independent and belonging, and have a healthy personality.
They are self-reliant and know the psychological boundaries of human interaction; they do not disturb others too much, and they have the courage to say "no" in the face of excessive interference from others.
Goethe once said that whether it is a king or a farmer, as long as the family is harmonious, he is the happiest person.
Harmonious family relationships come from a clear and resilient sense of boundaries, do you agree?