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My husband and I have been married for three years, and he recently filed for divorce from me.
Don't get me wrong, there is no third party between us, and there is no very significant contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the reason he mentioned divorce to me is:
Married for three years and have not had children.
Before we got married, we were in love for a year.
During my relationship I made it clear:
I will not give birth until I am really ready in my heart to have children.
Only when I am really ready to be a mother in my heart and love my child from the bottom of my heart, I will seriously consider trying to conceive.
At that time, he nodded his head and said that this was the best.
As a result, now he caught me off guard.
He said:
In the three years after marriage, he earned ten thousand a month, and I earned four thousand a month, so he was raising a family;
One of the purposes of marriage is to have children, but now I have no intention of having children.
He said something that I will never forget:
"If the marriage wants to continue, both parties need to provide their own value, and people can only live if they prove their value."
He said:
"People who have no value, there is no point in living.
For example, for my parents, I live to be filial to them and fulfill my obligations of support;
For husband and wife, I am the main one of the men's families to fulfill the obligation of supporting the family, and you as a woman as a wife have to fulfill the obligation of reproduction. ”
"If there are small children I will definitely help take care of them, because this is also my child, I have the obligation to raise and take care of them."
But the problem now is that you always say you're not ready, I gave you time, and my parents have helped you withstand the pressure for three years.
But now I really can't put it off any longer. ”
After listening to these words, I only felt cold, and the man who said that he would love me for the rest of his life became so strange.
Full of responsibilities, obligations, values...
Does it be necessary for people to materialize themselves in this way when they are alive, and they must regard themselves as whose tool people they are, and then regard others as their own tool people?
It's not that I don't want to have kids, it's that I feel like I'm only 29 years old and I'm mentally not ready to be a mother.
Besides, I really can't agree with his "deontology" and "value theory".
First of all, I feel that whether as a woman or as a wife, whether or not to have children is not an obligation, but my right.
The belly is on me, raw or not, when to be born, how many to give birth, I have the right to decide, and I have a vote to decide.
Why, you ask? The answer is simple, because of the matter of childbirth, all the risks are borne by me alone!
Saying all day long that "a wife has an obligation to have children", is the child born from your stomach? If not, you should make a little noise.
Don't you love to talk about responsibilities, obligations, rights, etc.?
So, whoever bears all the risks has all the decision-making power, which is an overly simple truth, isn't it?
It was the first place he and I couldn't talk about.
The second is his "theory of value", which also makes me very disgusted.
He said it as if I was married to him, and I automatically became his fertility tool!
We've been married for three years, and I've never used him one day as my money-making tool, a breadwinner.
I still work like before marriage, I am not as paid as much as he is, but to put it badly, even if we divorce us immediately today, I will not panic in the slightest.
Because it was a salary of only four thousand yuan that he despised, it was more than enough to support myself.
I am not a vain person, I have always dressed plainly and never bought luxury goods.
On the contrary, from love to marriage for four years I will carefully select birthday gifts for him, wedding anniversary gifts, Christmas gifts, etc.
I didn't treat him as a "long-term meal ticket", so I was very disgusted that he used me as a "fertility tool"!
My upbringing was that my parents respected each other, they were very considerate of each other, and although I was an ordinary daughter in every way, they also loved me like a treasure.
I don't need to be a big person or marry any rich person, but in the eyes of my parents, I am still the best baby daughter.
In other words, I don't need to be "valuable" to be loved by my parents, and I love my parents, even though they are not rich people either.
My original family is such a harbor full of love.
When I feel tired, painful, and sad, when I think of my parents, my heart feels warm.
Neither my parents nor I are successful people in the secular sense, we are just the most ordinary family.
But we love each other as family members, because there is nothing to cross in the bond of blood relatives.
I don't understand why he objectified himself, just as I can't understand the hurt of his words and what he did.
Probably when we are in love, we show each other our better side, without telling each other our true thoughts.
Therefore, after three years of marriage, such an opposing three views were exposed.
Marriage is also here, and it is about to end.
epilogue
When the story is seen here, my heart is also full of mixed feelings.
I feel that the difficulties and dilemmas encountered by this little sister in her marriage may be experienced by many women now.
After marriage, it is only after marriage that serious inconsistencies in the three views of himself and his partner are exposed, and this also happens from time to time.
She chooses to speak up and face the most embarrassing side of marriage, but there may be many women with similar difficulties who will choose to be silent and patient, or hide their own ideas to cater to each other's ideas.
discuss
Some people say that "the essence of marriage is that the man provides economic value and the woman provides reproductive value", what do you think of this view?
Feel free to share in the comments section.