Man is a social animal, and from the moment we are born, we are weaving a big web for ourselves, and there are countless relationships in the net. Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, teachers and classmates, colleagues, bosses, lovers, children, in-laws and so on.
Every relationship requires us to spend time and energy, to use wisdom and to think.
However, of all the relationships, there is one that is unique to women and is troublesome, that is, the "mother-in-law relationship".
The girlfriends around me have all experienced a period of open and secret struggle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, without exception. There have even been examples of divorces due to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Friend Xiaojie said that her mother-in-law is usually good at everything, but as long as she quarrels and quarrels with her husband, her mother-in-law immediately jumps out and accuses her.
Girlfriend Xiaoya said that before giving birth to a child, she felt that her mother-in-law was more intimate than her mother-in-law, and only after giving birth to a child did she know that her mother-in-law played a big drama for her.
The sister said that she originally thought she was married to love, but she swallowed her anger for her brother-in-law, but in the end she lost to the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the divorce ended.
And I also experienced the run-in with my mother-in-law during the confinement period, as well as the struggle with my mother-in-law in the process of raising a baby, until many years later, I understood that it was not difficult for my mother-in-law to get along, and the difficulty was whether I could accept changes and adjustments.
How to ask how to deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Smart daughter-in-law has long had a "routine".
It is not appropriate to quarrel with the husband in front of the mother-in-law, and it is not to count the husband's not to the mother-in-law
There should be very few couples who never quarrel or talk, and every couple may have a disagreement. However, arguing in front of your mother-in-law is certainly not a wise move, and it will inevitably lead to contradictions and misunderstandings between you and your mother-in-law.
When you and your husband quarrel in front of your mother-in-law, your mother-in-law's heart must be uncomfortable.
If you are reasonable, she will feel that she has not taught her son well and has no face in front of you.
If you are at fault, she will think that you are unreasonable and unfair for her son.
Some mothers-in-law just look in the eyes but never interfere, and some will jump out to protect their sons, making you feel like a complete outsider in an instant.
Just like her friend Xiaojie and her husband quarrel, the mother-in-law will definitely jump out to protect her son, accusing her of being unreasonable and accusing her of not understanding her husband enough.
Originally, arguing with her husband was not a big deal, because with the intervention of her mother-in-law, it made the problem more complicated. Because there are different opinions and communication between husbands, in the end it has become a war of words with the mother-in-law, which has not solved their own problems, but has created more trouble.
There are also some people, although they do not quarrel with their husbands in front of their mother-in-law, but they will complain to their mothers-in-law about their husbands, such as their husbands working overtime at night and coming back late, saying that their husbands do not do housework when they go home, and their husbands often go out to socialize, etc. Maybe you just treat the other party as a confidant, but forget that you inadvertently denied the educational achievements of the other party while talking.
In her eyes, her son is perfect, her own masterpiece, a gift from Heaven, but in your eyes he has become a person who can't do anything well, how can she accept it calmly? Even if what she said was to turn back to talk about her son, she must not be happy in her heart.
A smart daughter-in-law will never quarrel with her husband in front of her mother-in-law, nor will she say bad things about her husband to her mother-in-law.
Because she understands that the problems between herself and her husband can be solved without the intervention of a third person.
Do not expect to be mother and daughter with your mother-in-law, and keep an appropriate distance
No matter how close the relationship between you and your mother-in-law is, don't expect to be a mother and daughter with your mother-in-law, and be sure to keep a bowl of water between each other.
Intimacy sometimes means no boundaries, and when there is no sense of boundaries between you and your mother-in-law, you will have more requirements and extravagant expectations.
You will ask your mother-in-law to treat you like your husband, and you will expect your mother-in-law to treat you like your own mother. Such an idea is neither reasonable nor reasonable.
From the perspective of emotional factors, there is a relationship basis between husband and mother-in-law for twenty or thirty years, and between you and your mother-in-law is only a short period of more than ten years, you can never be the same as your husband.
There was once a letter written by a mother-in-law on the Internet, which said this directly.
The mother-in-law believes that her son has grown from a child to an adult little by little under her own eyes, and she can always remember what her son looked like when he was a child, and she will unconsciously see him as a child.
The daughter-in-law has been an adult since the first time she saw her, and even if she has cared for and loved, she is also an understanding and empathy for the same sex, not a heartache for the child.
It is even more unreasonable to ask the mother-in-law to be like a mother, because everyone has their own different position.
Your mother can be gentle with you like water, or she can be harsh on you, even if you are harshly reprimanded by your mother, you will not pay attention to it. But when it comes to your mother-in-law, it's hard to treat them equally.
Instead of expecting to be mother and daughter, keep a bowl of water at a distance. Make each other more comfortable, but interfere with each other too much, respect each other, and don't ask too much of each other.
Smart daughter-in-law will treat her mother-in-law with an attitude towards her mother-in-law, and she can be spoiled and can say sweet words, but she never expects her mother-in-law to treat herself like a daughter. Without expectations, there will be no disappointment, no disappointment will not complain, no complaints, and contradictions will be avoided.
Be kind and firm, and be principled and gentle
There is a basic principle of positive discipline, which is "kindness and firmness." I think these five words are not only suitable for raising children, but also for mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Some people are more than kind and firm in the process of getting along with their mother-in-law. Bent on being a gentle and good daughter-in-law, forbearing everywhere, trying to get the praise of her in-laws, hoping to gain the understanding and understanding of her husband, but found that what she finally got was not respected and lost her right to speak.
Just like the sister I mentioned at the beginning, originally there was no big contradiction between her and her brother-in-law, and the reason for the divorce was the sister's passive position at home.
She went from a person with ten fingers who did not touch the spring water of the sun to a person who was busy at home and rushed to the front of everything, but in the end she caused dissatisfaction because a party was not organized, and since then she has laid the foundation of the curse.
There are also some people who are firm and unkind in the process of getting along with their mother-in-law.
Always suffer from their own violent temper, when they encounter things in a hurry, they will roar a few voices, and the mother-in-law will go out to cry several times, and if she is not careful, she will bear the notoriety of bullying the elderly and not filial piety. If you argue with your mother-in-law in front of people, you will even more solidify the name of your evil daughter-in-law.
In the long run, not only outsiders cannot understand, but even the family will also stand on the side of the mother-in-law who will cry and complain, and they will become lonely.
The first reason for the loss is that one's principles are not clear enough, and they have been passive for a long time, and as long as they make mistakes, they will not be forgiven; the second reason for the loss is that their attitude is not kind enough, and they have been in a strong position for a long time, which is easy to cause public anger.
Smart daughters-in-law understand that a kind attitude is respect for the mother-in-law, and the firm principle and bottom line is respect for oneself, and only respect can be equal.
These three "unspoken rules" in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the sooner a woman knows, the less she suffers.
Do not quarrel with your husband in front of your mother-in-law, nor do you say bad things about your husband in front of your mother-in-law; do not expect to be a mother and daughter with your mother-in-law, and maintain an appropriate distance; you must be kind and firm, gentle and principled.
In the process of getting along with the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, I don't know how many girls have lost the battle and choose to run away or stay away. In fact, as long as we understand the way of getting along with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, we can all be happy.
May every girl use her wisdom to harvest a beautiful mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fate.
Today's Topic:
How do you handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world