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"Siege of the City": "Love is mostly unsuccessful, either suffering from the boredom of eventually becoming a family member, or suffering from the sadness of not being able to finally become a family member." ”
Two people who truly love each other will not have the above tiredness and sorrow, and only two people who are in the same bed and have different dreams will have the boredom of finally becoming a family member, or the sadness of not finally becoming a family member.
The same boredom and sadness, the impact on two people is not the same. The most affected are the party that makes mistakes first, the party that provokes contradictions, and the restless party.
This kind of problem, if mixed with the betrayal of marriage, will become more complicated, and the above-mentioned boredom and sadness will be intertwined and eventually turned into tragedy.
The following reader's marriage problems with her in-laws belong to the above situation, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
The marriage problem of my in-laws and in-laws made me realize that it is better for two people to get married, or it is better to be in love, otherwise there will always be a rift in the place of "not agreeing".
In the words of my mother-in-law, my father-in-law was late and insecure, and when he was a lot older, he wanted to divorce and marry true love, which wasted her years of hard work.
She once advised my father-in-law: "The wife of a chaff shall not be abandoned, and if he abandons it, he will be punished!" ”
My father-in-law did not think so, insisted on divorcing and marrying true love, and also made up a statement for himself: "Life is short, you should have fun in time." What I didn't get when I was younger, I have to make it up now, or I'll have regrets. Don't tell me what a bad wife, I haven't treated you badly over the years, and you have no right to stop me from pursuing happiness. ”
My husband still can't take them, I am even more powerless as a daughter-in-law, in this matter, there is no part of me to speak, I can only be a quiet bystander, watch the father-in-law acting, listen to the mother-in-law tirelessly spit on him.
My mother-in-law's words came true, because my father-in-law's life after remarriage was not happy.
Maybe he and others had a short period of happiness at the beginning, but they were not really in love with each other after all, and after a long time, the differences between them became prominent, and they got tired of each other.
My father-in-law and my mother-in-law have lived together for decades and have developed many habits, one of which is to be served by my wife and bring the meal to him. His remarried wife, on the other hand, had never had this habit, and gradually he began to tire of it.
He was tired but did not dare to say it, because he knew that he had no way back, and when he really couldn't bear it, he gambled not to speak, not to eat, not to sleep.
This kind of behavior of his aroused the resentment of the woman, who began to turn over the old account and concentrate her firepower to attack his weakness: "Don't you think I am inferior to your ex-wife?" Since you hate me, why didn't you say it earlier? Why marry me? Since you think your ex-wife is better than me in every way, then go back to your ex-wife's house to live, you are not welcome in my house! ”
This topic made him angry, and the two began to quarrel frequently. Every time there is a quarrel, the woman deliberately provokes him with the same words, with the intention of making him angry, the implication is that she is tired of him and wants him to consciously get out of the egg.
He himself was really tired of it, saying that he could roll, but there were conditions: "I have given you all my money over the years, if you insist on divorcing me, then give me back my money, and from then on we both owe each other." ”
The woman used a tactic to slow down the army, saying that after the divorce, she would return it to him, and he believed it, divorced, and did not get a penny.
These facts were spoken by him when he confided in others, and they came and went, and they reached my ears, and of course, into my mother-in-law's ears. She said he deserved it: "I told him a long time ago that the wife of the chaff cannot be abandoned, and he does not listen to advice and can blame anyone!" ”
My father-in-law really understood this, and every time my husband and I received him, he would repent and ask us how my mother-in-law was doing, meaning that he wanted us to reunite them.
Before the mother-in-law did not let go and did not express her position, I did not dare to persuade, because I was afraid of doing bad things with good intentions, in case they remarried and divorced again, it is estimated that I will attract the hatred of the mother-in-law. All I can do now is wait and see, you say?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Any relationship has a corresponding rule, and this fact will not disappear because you "turn a blind eye".
Happy marriages have happy rules, unhappy marriages have unhappy rules, and if you can't manage marriages around them, happy marriages will become unhappy, and unhappy marriages will be even more unhappy.
For example, the marriage of the reader's in-laws and mother-in-law, although there is "eventual boredom" between them, but there have been hardships and common experiences, and the habits suitable for each other have been established, these are the rules of their marriage, if these rules are ignored, the marriage will become unhappy.
Her father-in-law's practice was obviously to ignore the rules and regulations, and did not remember it until after remarriage, but it was too late, and the misfortune of the marriage turned into his personal misfortune.
The problems he encountered after remarrying, the boredom of finally becoming a family member in time, and the sadness of not being able to finally become a family member, all of which made him more unfortunate on the basis of his original misfortune, that is, his old and helpless situation, and the retribution of "abandoning the chaff wife".
In both marriages, he played a "restless" role, and the behavior of this role would amplify the "unintended" part of each other, and eventually bring the marriage to an end.
I hope that others can learn from him, not only can not betray the marriage, but also should learn to summarize the "rules of marriage", do not be impulsive, do not blind, do not make yourself smart, otherwise you think that the behavior of "pursuing happiness" is most likely "late and not guaranteed".