Jiajia's mother asked for help
Hello, teacher! My eldest son, Jiajia, is 5 years old and my younger son is 2 years old.
Not long after the birth of her youngest son, Jiajia became impatient and playful, and he wanted to do what he wanted and wanted immediately, asking him to do what he could, and he didn't do it. If you don't let him cry and roll, there is no peace in the house. If you scold him, you will make more trouble. We used to be very well-behaved, so let's be more worry-free.
Now I don't know why this has happened? Should we parents satisfy him or ignore him?
Analysis of psychological counseling in Guangzhou
Hello! The children who used to be well-behaved have changed, and parents will feel frustrated and helpless because they are helpless. As a parent, although you want your children to be happy, but you can't accommodate everywhere, which makes you very disturbed in life, don't know how to deal with it, and can feel your pain and confusion.
It is more common for children to like to play tricks, and when they are younger, they cannot control their emotions very well. Children at this age group, in the experience and attempt to grow slowly, he also needs to experience, perceive various emotions and learn emotional control ability, therefore, for children who were once very well-behaved, it is not a bad phenomenon to suddenly be easily emotionally stimulated.
In fact, the child needs to experience a variety of emotions, such as anxiety, frustration, anger, disappointment, joy, expectation, pleasure, etc., after the experience he is more profound, after the appropriate guidance of parents, the child will slowly form his own personality and emotional intelligence.
You mentioned that a very important point is that after the birth of the younger son, the eldest son Jiajia became impatient and playful, and here we see that the birth of the younger son has a relatively large impact on Jiajia. Parents' energy is limited, and before the youngest son is born, your energy can be focused on taking care of a child.
When it comes to caring for two children at the same time, you have to take a large chunk of your energy and attention out of your eldest son.
How will Jiajia feel about this?
When an immature child feels that his parents' love for him has been taken away by others, he will be angry and jealous. Subconsciously, he will compete with his brother for the love and attention of his parents, but in fact, he uses a tricky way to express his needs and emotions, express his inner desire for love, and express his anger at his parents' neglect of him.
5-year-olds can no longer get the unconditional satisfaction of their parents' wishes like babies. Parents will ask of him, and there will be accusations. When his wishes are not met, he degenerates into the "infancy" and uses crying to attract the attention of his parents, hoping that their parents will treat themselves the way they treat babies. These ways he makes his parents feel terrible are the ways he uses back in toddlers to compete with his younger brothers for their parents' love and attention.
Expert support
1
Observe the situation when the child is playing with it.
Is it when parents take care of their young son and ignore his existence? Or buying a gift for your younger son but not buying it for him? Or when he feels the need for you to give a hug?
Observing the real needs in his heart, parents can adjust some daily behaviors accordingly, and do not let the eldest son feel neglected while taking care of the younger son. Let him know that his parents love his brother and love him with the same feelings, but his brother is relatively small, he does not know how to take care of himself, and Jiajia grows up, knows more than his brother, Jiajia sometimes takes care of his brother for his parents, and he is a good son that his parents are proud of.
2
When the child is playing tricks, don't pay attention to him and satisfy him.
Getting more attention from his parents because of his tricks is also his way of competing for success, and this behavior will continue. Children have a lot of unrealistic wishes, and parents should guide their children from elementary school to delay the ability to meet.
If he wants something immediately, the child will benefit from it, and his tricky behavior will be fixed, and when he grows up, he will form a self-centered personality and cannot encounter any setbacks and dissatisfaction.
Guiding the child to have the ability to delay gratification can jointly negotiate a reward system when he is calm, such as getting a small red flower for a day without playing a trick, helping to take care of his brother once also getting a small red flower, and saving 10 small red flowers to meet his wish, cultivating his good qualities of achieving his wish through hard work.
3
When your child is emotionally stable, you can talk to him and tell him that it is very strong to be a man.
When he has any needs, he can tell his parents that if he can communicate with his parents instead of using tricks, his parents will be more willing to pay attention to his needs, which is also a sign that he has grown up to be a man, and his parents believe that he can do this slowly.
4
If you feel that your child has changed a little bit in terms of controlling himself, be sure to encourage him: "We know that you are trying very hard to restrain yourself, and we are proud of you." ”
Use some reward methods to reinforce his behavior, such as giving him a hug or kiss, and the reward system described above.
Even if he didn't try to do it, after a while, when he calmed down, he still had to encourage him: "You're not playing tricks now, we all think you're so much better!"
Children at this age, he needs to experience and control various emotions, he also needs to improve his personality characteristics, the interaction between children and parents has the most important impact, how to create children's mental health, let children better develop themselves, parents do need to spend a lot of energy.
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