Everyone has something to fear, and that seems to be the consensus.
However, some people have a level of fear beyond the normal range and become a psychological pathology. However, due to the lack of knowledge of mental health in the mainland, many people are not aware of these psychological problems. Zoophobia is one of the psychological problems that can be easily overlooked.
Helper: Yin Yin (milk name)
Female, 6 years old, first grade of primary school
Because of the fear of cats, often crying, anxiety, nightmares for two months. Now the situation is generalized, and I dare not go out to play in the community.
Mother narrated: Yin Yin has been timid and introverted since childhood, and is very well-behaved and obedient. However, because of his weak personality and thin body, he is often bullied by children of the same age, so he does not like to play with his peers and has no particularly good friends.
Entering the first grade of primary school in September this year, I was very reluctant to go to school at first, and I was very emotional, and I had no choice but to accept school life after being persuaded and comforted by my parents.
Two months ago, the mother took him to play in the community, and saw several older children playing with a little black cat, the mother thought it was very interesting, and just wanted to take this opportunity to let her daughter play with other children, so she pulled Yin Yin over to participate. The child twisted and pinched and did not want to go over, the mother "teased" her and forcibly carried her over, and the other children held the kitten to let her touch it. The kitten struggled, barked and bit in the process, and then fled, and the other children ran and chased.
Yin Yin cried and fussed, and the mother thought that the child was afraid of the kitten biting, so she emphasized to the child that the kitten was very tame and did not bite. Yin Yin stopped crying for a while, and the mother took her daughter home.
One day a week later, when my grandmother sent Yin Yin out of school, they saw a cat at the gate of the community, Yin Yin suddenly felt nervous, stiff limbs, did not dare to move, and was short of breath. Grandma didn't know what had happened before, thinking that the child had not seen the kitten and was scared, so she took him over to "say hello". The child immediately fell to the ground with a soft body, crying and moving. Grandma didn't force it again.
From then on, the child was very scared when he saw the kitten. Later, it developed to cover his ears when he heard the cat barking in the community, shouting and shouting, so that his parents drove the cat away; Seeing a kitten on TV, he asked to change the station. Parents have teased her many times and repeatedly told her the cuteness of the kitten, although the child understands that the kitten will not harm himself and can go close to the kitten, but he is still very repulsed and very afraid: when he sees the kitten, he must take a detour; Hate the owner of the pet close to him; Often borrow "there are kittens in the community" and are reluctant to go out to play, and even sometimes reluctant to go out to school.
Grandma reported that the child did not seem to have any problems staying at home and was not so afraid. Grandmother suspected that the child did not want to go to school, so she made up a lie. But Grandma also admits that children often have nightmares at night.
After two months of repeated this, the situation is getting worse and worse. After communicating with the child's mother, the homeroom teacher suggested that she take the child for psychological counseling.
So, the child's mother and grandmother brought the child to consult together.
Guangzhou heard about the psychological counseling center psychological counselor Tan Suyi:
Yin Yin's fear and rejection of kittens is not as simple as parents imagine - children are afraid of cats biting.
That day, when she saw several older children pressing the kitten together to try to make it obedient, the kitten's miserable screams, struggles and resistance triggered Yin Yin's inner projection of the kitten: he was bullied, controlled, violated and unable to get rid of it like the kitten.
The fear in her heart was aroused.
And the parents did not realize this, and the subsequent "treatment" not only did not alleviate the child's inner fear, but the simple and crude intervention made the situation more and more intense, until the child suffered from a phobia of cats.
So, why is there such a deep fear in Yin Yin's heart? It was a question that both my parents and I were confused about. This requires us to explore Yin Yin's growth process.
Through conversations with my mother and grandmother, I learned that Yin Yin was brought up by her grandmother, and she has been very well-behaved and obedient since she was a child, but she is also relatively weak.
Grandma felt very sorry for this granddaughter and cared for her in every way, for fear that she would have a little bit of a mistake. When the child wanted to crawl on the ground, the grandmother was afraid that she would fall, and carried her on her all day; When the child wants to play with the toy, the grandmother is worried that she will be injured and always puts the toy away; When the child wanted to take a spoon to eat, the grandmother was afraid that she would get it all over the floor, and she was afraid that she would be hungry, so she kept forcing the food; When the child wants to play with the children next door, the grandmother is worried that she will be bullied when she is small, so she lets her stay in the house with her...
When Mom and Dad saw that their grandmother took care of them like this, they also felt inappropriate and tried to intervene, but they were busy with work and had less time at home, and their mother was also because she loved her children and was dedicated to the good of her daughter, so she gradually relaxed her heart.
I thought it was love and for the good of the child, but I didn't know that my grandmother's parenting style made the child more and more introverted and timid, sensitive and fragile, not only did he have no friends, but even lost the interest in going out to play.
When Yin Yin saw other children playing happily together, she was very envious in her heart, but she did not dare and could not integrate into it. After reaching school age, it is difficult to adapt to the group life of school and interact well with peers.
At this time, we need to understand the emotions of Yin Yin and accept her weak heart. Through repeated counseling, Yin Yin gradually opened her heart, her inner fear, helplessness, depression and other emotions were released, a smile was restored on her face, and people became relaxed.
For the knot of Yin Yin's fear kitten, systematic desensitization therapy was used in the consultation room to improve step by step.
At the beginning, try to talk to Yin Yin about cats, tell fairy tales about cats, talk about the cuteness of kittens, and let children eliminate the rejection of kittens in a relaxed and happy atmosphere.
(Fortunately, another counselor's family has a two-year-old Garfield "Laifu"—fat, smooth fur, gentle, super lazy, and looks lazy and unreasonable when you see anyone.) This "Laifu" does a lot of funny and funny things on weekdays. During the consultation, Yin Yin was attracted by Laifu's story many times, and she hoped that her family could also tolerate her "naughtiness" and "mistakes". )
The second step is to find some warm and cute cat pictures, books and Yin Yin to enjoy and read together.
The third step is to watch cartoons, videos, etc. with Yin Yin.
The fourth step is to accompany Yin Yin to look at the kittens playing in the distance. (This step is to first explain and guide the child's mother in detail, so that the mother can take the child to the community to watch the kitten's activities from afar.) In this process, the mother should pay careful attention to the child's emotional changes, respond to some emotions that the child has, do what the counselor teaches in time, calm the child in time, and relieve the child's fear. Although the child is closer to the grandmother, the grandmother is too anxious and worried, and it is easy to transmit emotions to the child, while the mother's mood is more peaceful and stable, and can give the child support and understanding in time when the child has emotions, and relieve the child's tension. )
The fifth step is to hold the kitten doll and rag doll, let Yin Yin reach out and pet it, and encourage her to hold and hold.
Step six, expose your child to real kittens. This is a more difficult step, and it is also more difficult to operate.
In the first few consultations, he promised Yin Yin to bring "Laifu" to see her.
The first time Yin Yin saw it, he was amused by its laziness, and his tension decreased a lot. After introducing Yin Yin's understanding with "Laifu", I asked Yin Yin to hold my hands and touch "Laifu" with my hands, and she slowly approached the body of "Laifu" with my movements, touching the smooth hair, although there was still a little nervousness, but it was already a great improvement.
In the middle, "Laifu" suddenly moved, and she instinctively withdrew her hand, but "Laifu" just glanced at her, yawned, stretched her legs lazily, and lay down obediently. Therefore, Yin Yin put down her heart to feel "Laifu".
In the process of using system desensitization, each step needs to be careful and cautious, grasp the scale that the child can bear, and when the child is nervous or rejected, it is necessary to readjust and relax, encourage and support until she can accept it naturally.
Therefore, perhaps a small step will go through many iterations, but every small improvement is surprising, because the child's inner strength is strong again.
During this period of counseling, Yin Yin's mother also made a lot of efforts and changed a lot.
During the initial consultation, when Yin Yin's parents deeply realized that Grandma's excessive attention and arranged and substituted love had harmed the child, Mom and Dad were determined to learn to adjust the way of loving their children, personally take over the child's education work, reduce Grandma's burden, and make Grandma easier.
In the past, my mother stayed at home to watch TV when I came home from work, but now my mother will take the initiative to take Yin Yin to take a walk in the community after work, and when I meet other children and parents, my mother will naturally greet them and chat about home, Yin Yin was nervous at first, but then slowly relaxed, and began to smile when she saw familiar people in the community (although she did not dare to take the initiative to say hello).
With the company of her parents, Yin Yin's heart gradually began to be cheerful, and she was willing to go to school with the children in the community.
In the last few consultations, Yin Yin mentioned that she wanted to get a kitten, but her grandmother didn't like it and felt that it was not clean, and Yin Yin hoped that the teacher could talk to her mother. For the growth of the child, the mother is very happy, but raising a cat is indeed a little difficult for the family.
So, the mother said to Yin Yin that she also liked the kitten, seeing that Yin Yin wanted to take care of the kitten and felt that Yin Yin had grown up, had a sense of responsibility, and had love, but the family was too small to keep, there was a young aunt in the community who raised a flower cat very beautiful, and her mother was willing to communicate with the aunt and let Yin Yin help take care of the kitten to eat and take the kitten to play.
Yin Yin happily accepted her mother's suggestion. Now Yin Yin and the aunt have become good friends, and the aunt sometimes tutors her with homework, and she is so happy. Looking at the smile on Yin Yin's face, perhaps, learning to let go is the greater love for children.
Tan Suyi
· I heard about it, senior counselor at the Psychological Counseling Center
· National second-level psychological counselor
· Psychosexual counselor
· Member of the Professional Committee of Psychological Counselors of Guangdong Mental Health Association
· Member of Guangdong Psychological Association
· Member of the Psychoanalytic Professional Committee
· Psychological consultant of the "Rights Protection Service Station" of the Guangdong Provincial Women's Federation