For the only child who is regarded as the pearl of their parents, grandparents, their growth is surrounded by appreciation, love and praise, and sweet words are like a dazzling array of nutritional products faced every day.
However, many children do not know how to cherish it, and even some children hinder their happy growth because of parents' lack of methods, lack of purpose, and inappropriate exaggeration.
Child psychological counseling pointed out that the following kinds of praise will hurt children, parents should be extra careful.
First, good things are bad words
Some parents are praising their children on the surface, but the words they say put a lot of pressure on their children and make them feel blamed and criticized.
For example, "You finally didn't do anything wrong today, what a good boy" "You did everything today, it's good, don't do it again from tomorrow!"
The parents gave the task of caring for the little goldfish to their 4-year-old son Tong Tong, who was excited and responsible when he first started.
But after two days, he either fed the goldfish twice a day or forgot to feed it for three days. But in the past three days, he has completed the task very well, and he is also looking forward to his parents praising him every day.
In fact, my mother also saw Tong Tong's progress and was very satisfied, but what came out of her mouth was "You finally remember what you should do in the past few days, it's really the sun hitting the west and coming out, don't forget it tomorrow!"
Such praise is very reluctant, and implies criticism and accusations, which invisibly discourages the child's enthusiasm, making him feel that he does good things and does things right for nothing, and he is always the child who does wrong things and can't do things in the minds of his parents, and must not turn over.
Guidance from a child counselor:
In the face of the child's behavior, parents may wish to affirm one by one, "Well, feed the fish, no more, no less, just right, and the water is changed." Look how happy and beautiful they are today!"
Although the child is small, what he needs is real praise, hoping that parents can see all their efforts and get care for every bit.
"You Look Delicious"
Second, blind comparison
The last thing you need to bother with is to praise it in generalities and without purpose.
The child happily shows you the picture he has drawn in kindergarten, his eyes are expecting you, and you say thoughtfully, "Awesome drawing, you must be the best drawing in your class!" or "You did a great job, much better than so-and-so".
The children's own conditions are different, and the starting point is also different, and it is obviously unfair to compare children with others.
Moreover, today you praise your child as the best of the children, better than so-and-so, and if tomorrow he does not reach today's level or loses to others in some way, he will feel very frustrated inside.
Therefore, blind comparison often puts pressure on children.
Such a large and empty praise can not give the child a real feeling of being affirmed, but may make the child blindly confident - conceited, he blindly thinks that he is good, but he does not know where he is good, and it is difficult to form an objective understanding of himself and the appropriate judgment and discrimination ability of things.
Guidance from a child counselor:
For the child's progress and merits, parents should be very specific to point out what the child has done well and what has made progress, and cannot be praised in general.
The more specific the praise, the more the child knows what constitutes a good behavior and generates a real sense of satisfaction.
The Lion King
Third, the requirements are harsh
One of the most common situations in which parents praise inappropriately is when giving their children a "high standard" when praising them.
For example, Jiajia won the "first place in the individual group" in a dance competition of the whole kindergarten, and her mother was full of joy, regardless of the time or occasion, she often praised Jiajia in front of guests and friends, hung Jiajia's "glorious history" on her lips, and often said to Jiajia "Jiajia is the best, can win the first place in the whole kindergarten competition, and will definitely win the first place in the city's competition in the future." ”
However, in this way, using a grade to determine a "high standard" for the child, expecting the child to be better and better every time, this praise has actually become the "baggage" on the child, has become the child's "tight curse", causing great psychological pressure on the child, it is difficult to correctly view success or failure, some children therefore feel that as long as they do not meet the "high standards" of their parents, it is "pride, regression", resulting in a sense of inferiority and frustration.
Guidance from a child counselor:
In the face of the child's existing achievements, if parents want the child to go further, they can affirm the child's current performance, and then put forward a higher goal, that is, the "recent development area", so that the child can do it through his own efforts.
Parents can say to their children, "You did a good job, can you get another one?" You have entered the twenty-fifth place in the class, can you continue to work hard and further surpass yourself and get the twentieth place."
After the compliment, immediately after the praise, help the child to set a new goal of "half a step" so that he will not pause and will not lose confidence due to unnecessary setbacks.
"You Look Delicious"
Conclusion of the child counselor:
Children need praise, but they can't.
When praising their children, parents should "talk about things", "be specific" and "guide according to the situation", and encourage their children to do better in this regard.
It is important to note that when adults praise children, attitude and tone are sometimes more important than what is said.
When praising children, we must be sincere, from the heart, seek truth from facts, and cannot exaggerate and irony, exaggerate, and blindly compare.