Originally thinking that the child would grow up alone and be a little lonely, parents wanted to give the child a younger brother or sister as companions.
However, the education problem of the two children makes it difficult for the parents again, when the eldest child does not like the younger brother or sister, and often bullies the younger siblings, how to deal with it?
Maybe there was only one eldest daughter before, so she pampered her more, but now that she has a sister, she always beats her sister, has a very bad temper, and cries and makes trouble at every turn.
Now when my aunt's little brother (1 week) plays together, he is always beaten or bitten. For this matter, we said to her many times, it didn't work, hitting her didn't work, is there a psychological problem?"
Interpretation of marriage and family psychological counseling
Independent children are more receptive to the problem of their parents continuing to have children, while children who are overly dependent on their parents are more likely to accept. When many parents work hard to conceive their first child, they often cherish it because they are the first child, and they take more care of their children and dote on them, resulting in many children becoming little princesses and little emperors in the family, saying that they seem to be very personal, but they lack independence and are more dependent on their parents and families.
When parents want to have a second child, or younger siblings are born, or children younger than themselves come to the family, such children are often more sensitive and willful, worried that children younger than themselves will snatch their love, and it is easy to have aggressive behaviors towards younger siblings, such as hitting, biting, kicking and other behaviors.
What should parents do about competition between many children in the family?
01
Competition between young and young is widespread
The contradiction between the first child and the second child is widespread.
In any society, there is a conflict of interests between the first child and the second child. For children born first, the birth of a new life is a stress, a major traumatic experience in childhood, and they experience intense jealousy. Even in the United States, where multiple children are normalized, parents inevitably need to face "brotherhood battles".
Moreover, having a second child can lead to shorter working hours for mothers and more time caring for newborns.
The disadvantages of this change for first-born children are obvious: less financial income for families and less love from their parents. For firstborn children, this change is easily noticeable, making them more worried that younger siblings will divide their parents' love for them.
02
The responsibility for resolving the conflict between the elder and the young lies with the parents
Since the contradiction exists, someone needs to resolve it, and this responsibility must fall on the shoulders of parents.
After the birth of a newborn, mothers may express less warmth and concern for the first-born child and are more inclined to use restrictions and punishments to discipline the child because of less energy and time to care for the first-born child, which correspondingly increases the chance of problematic behavior in the first-born child.
For example, children can become aggressive or withdrawn when interacting with others, with more negative emotions.
At this stage, the role of the father is very important. Fathers have more opportunities to communicate with their firstborn children.
A warm, considerate, empathetic father is better able to help firstborn children cope with the stress of life changes than a father who rarely interacts with his children. Fathers should spend more time with their firstborn children, and mothers should focus more on building intimacy with their newborns; The father is responsible for all household activities, and the mother can have more energy to take care of both children at the same time.
03
Guide the firstborn to know how to share and take responsibility
Since parents want a second child, the firstborn child naturally becomes a "brother" and "sister", but not every child can adapt to this role immediately, especially those who have always been the palm treasure of their parents' families, compared with their own children, do not know how to treat younger siblings, do not know how to share, and will not take care of the needs of younger siblings.
This requires parents to guide their children in advance, improve their awareness in this regard, and seize this opportunity to let their children grow.
In matters concerning future younger siblings, it is best to involve older children, which is a very respectful way to be older children, and children will also be excited and full of expectations for being older siblings.
When preparing items for the newborn, sort out the clothes worn by the child in the past and say that these are yours, and you are wearing too little to give to your future siblings.
At this time, if the child is reluctant to a small piece of clothing, let the child keep it first. When the little brothers and sisters rob things with the child, we must respect the wishes of the older child, avoid the child thinking that the things he likes are "robbed", and also prevent confusion about the property sovereignty that the child has just established.
When talking about little brothers and sisters on family topics, if you only focus on the little baby, the older child will inevitably feel a little lost, thinking that the parents have changed in themselves, which stimulates the anxiety and anxiety of the older child. So, when talking about children, don't ignore the big children, talk more about the big children worthy of recognition.
Marriage and family counseling reminder
It is easier to have children than to raise children, and if the first child in the family has problems with character development due to improper parenting methods, it will not only be difficult to treat younger siblings correctly, but also affect the normal psychological development of younger siblings.
In the face of such a child, if the problem is not really solved in time, the second rebirth, the education of the two children will be entangled and become extremely complicated.