Nan Huaijin: It's not the enemy that destroys you! It's often the person closest to you

introduction

“

Enri is harmful, harmful is born of grace, and it is often the people closest to you who destroy your career.

"This is

Nan Huaijin

A view of education before his death.

It is not difficult to find here that he used Buddhist causality to explain a series of "grace" and "harm" transformations in education. In his view, excessive spoiling will only bring disadvantages, and in some setbacks, it can also be seen that educators love the educated.

He believes that it is often the people closest to him who ruin a person's career. It can be seen from this that the emphasis here is on the degree of influence of the environment on a person, and if you grow up in a good environment, then the person is likely to have a successful career. On the contrary, the living environment is quite harsh, and there is basically no career to talk about in life.

In fact, this view with the combination of Buddhism and Confucianism is not new, but the applicable environment has changed. at

In the past, people would only use this sentence to explain the complex environment of struggle; now, after it is used in education, it explains how a person can slowly become depraved under a warm environment

。

So, how do the people around you ruin a person's career?

1. Environmental influence on people

Nan Huaijin very much recognized a sentence in "University", that is, ""

The Heavenly Sons are all based on self-cultivation

”。 So, how to slim down? He thinks

"The family environment affects people

”。

Looking at the current domestic family environment, many of them focus on the "survival" of their children, rather than "life".

Many parents have always insisted that education should start from the doll, so the child has not yet reached the age of two, he already has a full table of homework and a 24-hour day, piano, chess, painting, English... These are all things that children cannot give up.

In such a family environment, children may learn survival skills, but they lose the joy of life. Being in the stage of intellectual development and living a lively life, but living a boring life like an adult, is tantamount to destroying the future of the child.

Like the very famous Elvis Presley Michael Jackson, although he became a world-class star, he lost his childhood forever. From the age of two, he had to undergo 8 hours of training every day, the operation of various instruments and the practice of the voice, and in this process, he could not make mistakes, otherwise he would not have eaten for a day. As a result, he said he had never been happy.

Many parents also recognize this, so they exclude homework for their children, but enroll their children in many interest classes. The starting point for these parents is that interest can make a person.

However, they do not know that in such a learning atmosphere, children are not actually doing what they are interested in, but are indoctrinated with some utilitarian concepts. For example, if a child obeys, he will get a small red flower, and after accumulating a certain amount of small red flowers, he can also exchange it for some gifts. So in such an interest class, they learn only how to do it to get the approval of others, rather than doing it, they will get the joy of success from it.

Therefore, how to create a good atmosphere for children is still a knowledge point that many people need to learn at present.

So, instead of learning these things for children, can we start from the child's reality and let them grow up in a pampered atmosphere?

Second, the people around you are not necessarily all helpers

Nan Huaijin believes that children should learn to "sprinkle and cope" from an early age, that is, the education of children should not be too early, otherwise the cultivation will be a high-scoring low-energy child. And you can't spoil your child too much, otherwise you will cultivate a selfish person.

In this regard,

Nan Huaijin suggested "timely education, moral education as the basis and Enwei and charity"

Timely education is mainly about the child's independence. In the process of children learning to walk, parents generally play a role in supporting them from the side, rather than walking instead of their children. If this is done, the child will always be just a person who relies on tools to walk.

Therefore, parents must have a degree of support for their children, and beyond this degree, it will only have a negative impact on their children. After all, the flowers in the shack will never stand up to the wind and rain.

What is moral education? Nan Huaijin stressed that teaching children the skills of survival is secondary, so that they know how to behave is the most important, because people are the most fundamental to survival and life, if people can not recognize their own essence, then no matter how much his survival skills, they are just a loser.

Moral education here is not only for children to simply do a good job, but also for them to have the heart to guard against bad people and learn offensive and defensive tactics.

But many parents misunderstand this, in their view, as long as the child does not hurt others is the greatest moral education. In this way, the next generation will be extremely numb and passive. They often do not grasp the trend of the times, and generally only stick to themselves and go against the grain.

The so-called "enwei and shi" actually emphasizes the parents' way of educating their children. Some parents believe that as long as they spoil their children, stand in front of them, and protect them well.

However, this is the biggest stifling of the child, when the child is no longer hurt by the outside world, the family will become a stumbling block to him in the future.

To use the colloquial words, it is that there is no tiger under coddling

Therefore, parents must learn to treat their children with grace and power, so that they can feel love at the same time, but also let them know the feeling of being hurt, so as to cultivate a complete personality.

With the above, you can know that every wrong step will have a serious impact on the child. So how can we raise our children better?

How to get out of this dilemma?

Before raising children, parents must know their starting point and foothold. Some parents believe that as long as their children become a great person, then their future will be bright.

But

Nan Huaijin has already given her opinions above, that is, in the process of cultivating children, we must pay attention to the cultivation of personality and the instillation of survival skills.

There are not many things that children need to do, as long as they can follow the trend and live the way they want to be. However, many parents believe that if they let their children live their own lives in a brazen manner, if they embark on the path of mediocrity, it will only bring endless troubles to their children.

However, these are the excessive anxiety of parents, the twisted melon is not sweet, what kind of road should the child take? It must not have been arranged by the previous generation.

Just like the Qin Shi Huang family more than 2,000 years ago, he had already prepared everything for future generations, but his descendants were not contentious, and the dynasty he established fell apart after the second generation. The main reason for this is that the ability of the successor does not match the responsibility on their shoulders, and when they carry this burden, they are already doomed to failure.

It can be seen that the cultivation of children is dual, and parents need to cultivate both skills and personality and morality. If one of the two is missing, either the child becomes a high-scoring and low-energy child, or he becomes a person with very qualified character but no ability.

summary

Nan Huaijin is

The mainland is quite famous as a scholar, educator and writer. According to his own introduction, when he was a child, his parents arranged a private school study, and his whole life was basically inseparable from the way of Confucius and Mencius, and at the same time, he also deeply studied The Literature of the Tang and Song Dynasties. After entering middle age, he focused his energy and focus on education, especially the education of children. In his view, it is not wrong to grasp education from the doll, but this sentence will bring errors in understanding to many parents.

Many people think that as long as children are put into training classes to improve their skills, they will become a person with high scores when they officially enter the school.

Nan Huaijin also saw this misunderstanding, so in many of her works, she emphasized that the education of children should be moderate, that is, strict and loose, and not too forced on children to do something that they cannot reach. In short, if you want to achieve a child, don't become the one who is involved in his career.

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