How to be a wise parent

Parenting | good things | parent-child activities | life

Be the wisdom that parents should have

The following is an excerpt from "A good mother is better than a good teacher":

>> Should our society promote parents bringing their children? Don't let the child stay away from their parents, only the next generation is better, our society, the country will be better.

>> Many people around me give their children to the elderly who live in other places, and go to see the children once a month or months. They all say that children are small and don't understand things, cry for a few days and don't want to be mothers, just get used to it. I don't think things are so simple, and this can be felt from the confusion that Yuanyuan suddenly couldn't see his father at that time.

>> For many years, the "Chen Yu-style" way of raising him has not aroused widespread doubt. The separation of "birth" and "upbringing" from the entrustment of a child to a reliable person and his own dedication to his work has not been criticized, but has become a praise and proof for some people, especially those who have achieved success in their work.

>> Push out the responsibility of raising children, the damage to children in this way of parenting will not be immediately presented, but the child will not make sacrifices and concessions in vain, and any bad growth process will leave traces in his life, becoming a lesion affecting the quality of his life in the future, and also bringing a lot of trouble to the whole family.

>> The problem of "left-behind children" in rural areas has begun to attract attention, because the first batch of left-behind children have grown up, and some of the problems that are prevalent in them have been revealed, while the problem of "foster children" in urban areas has not attracted people's attention.

>> a big problem in modern family education is that parents can give their lives for their children, but they are unwilling to give time and thought to their children.

>> Those who oppose their careers and raising children, those who don't care about the time and quality of time they spend with their children, those who don't delicately understand their children's feelings, it's not that they don't love their children, but they don't think it's an important thing to get along with children in their bones.

>> don't easily send your children back to your hometown, let the elderly or relatives help bring them. Try to find a way to keep your child by your side, and it is best to see your child every day. There are practical difficulties that should be overcome by parents, and do not let children carry them.

>> Even if you live with your child, be careful not to only pretend to work and socialize in your heart, and only allocate the scraps of energy and time that you have left to your child. Don't be careless about your child's needs, take seriously the matter of getting along with your child, and don't put your child in an exquisite room and become a spiritual "left-behind child".

>> God created man to love his children naturally so that parents could raise their children with their hearts. Any reason such as "busy work" should not be a reason for you not to care about your children.

>> What is the point of doing "business" at home in the country when we work hard to create a better future, but in the end we have trouble with the "future of the motherland"—the education of children?

>> Our quarrels have always been quick and quick, never postponed until the next day, and do not let the oppressive atmosphere hang over our families for a long time

>>, however, any in-depth research shows that for children, the tense and unpleasant atmosphere in the family is more harmful than an open rupture, which at least teaches the child that man can end an intolerable state of life by courageous decision-making.

>> only set up a "record book" and no "record book"

>> Since I was four years old, I have given her a small notebook to remember the good things she has done. The small book is not big, only one thing is written on each page, and the things recorded are very simple, basically only a few words, such as "put away the toys", "throw away the garbage", "make up your own story", "go to the kitchen alone at night to turn on the lights and get a toothpick", "learn to recognize the clock", etc., each page draws a small red flower with a red pen - this is the reward for her. We call small books "credit books." I found that every time I gave Yuanyuan a "credit", she was very happy. Every once in a while, I would count how many small red flowers I had.

>> At the same time, the family's "credit book" has been adding content, but not once has it recorded that her test scores are good. We have always believed that the most important thing in elementary school is to protect children's interest in learning. Excessive attention to test scores and preoccupied with rankings are actually the dissipation of interest in learning. When a child is guided by adults to care about scores and rankings, he will not be interested in learning itself. The school has enough rendering of the grades, if the parents push the waves, not only does not promote the child's future learning, but has a counterproductive effect.

>> but instead of defending her own views in an extreme way, she can argue and think at the same time, and once she realizes that her mother is right, she stops arguing and then sorts out her thinking with her mother. It was her maturity and a virtue.

>> We have never used money to reward the circle, and the reward from the parents is a small red flower in this small book, which cannot calculate the value with money, but it is extremely precious, helping us to cultivate many good qualities of children.

>> Children, like adults, love to be affirmed and motivated. In an environment of affirmation and motivation, they are more confident and more likely to progress. The mistake of many parents is that they always like to reward their children with material things, which shows that they do not understand children - for children who do not experience material shortages today, material rewards have little effect, may bring temporary satisfaction, but will not last; only spiritual pleasure and fulfillment can bring real happiness and motivation.

>> Some parents will praise the good aspects and point out the bad aspects in time on the issue of their children's strengths and weaknesses. This is logically true, but if it is not done properly, there may be some problems.

>> The purpose of setting up a "book of merit" is to achieve a catalytic effect, so that the child can get confidence and happiness from the occasional good performance, so that this accidental behavior finally becomes a stable behavior of the child. In the same way, writing out the child's shortcomings in black and white and pasting them on the wall, constantly prompting, can also stabilize these behaviors - the bad things that were originally wanted to be abandoned, under this stimulation, it is easy for children to characterize themselves, thinking that those bad habits are their inevitable behaviors. The end result is that the advantages will be consolidated into real advantages; the shortcomings will also be consolidated, becoming the shortcomings that cannot be changed.

>>, the child has a lot of bad problems want her to change, so what to do, is it not good to write it down like this to give her a wake-up call? I said, of course, we can remind, but in other words, we must turn all the children's "passes" into "work", that is, first from the parents' consciousness, we must "only set up a book of merit, not a book of records."

For example, if the child is not practicing well, he always needs to be reminded by the parents to practice, and he cannot write down the "practice is not conscious", but to see that the child has at least practiced every day, he should write down "can insist on practicing every day".

>> Then she was still lazy, did not want to practice for an hour, could not write down "did not play enough for an hour", but to write down "although only practiced for forty minutes, but played very much progress." She found that you also accepted playing forty minutes, and for the next period of time she only played forty minutes a day

>> that is to say, from the child's non-existence, there can always be a place worthy of praise, always give the child benign hints and positive stimulation.

>> The truth is that every child has self-esteem, self-motivation is his nature, as long as it is not distorted, it will grow normally. For a certain shortcoming in the child, you can appropriately remind, once you find that this shortcoming occurs repeatedly, you should consider using positive encouragement to help the child overcome it quietly, rather than repeatedly criticizing directly, do not say "how many times have I told you, you just don't change" and so on. Repeated criticism is like a "record book" pasted on the wall, which will solidify the child's shortcomings and make it difficult for the child to separate from that shortcoming.

>> you can have a solemn and friendly conversation with your child and tell her that starting tomorrow, you can take charge of school time in the morning. And then from the next day, you can really do it without rushing. You're just doing what you're supposed to do, like preparing breakfast, or packing yourself up and getting ready to drop off the kids. As for the child, her time is arranged by herself, and you calmly wait for her to rub it.

>> Whether in physical form or in their own hearts, parents should set up a small book for their children. There is only a "record book", not a "record book". Cherish your child's sense of honor and avoid punitive records. Children are not at fault, only immature, immaturity means that there is room for growth and the possibility of growth

>> "whatever" is the best "tube"

>> All obedience to authority is accompanied by repression and unhappiness, and internal conflicts are formed--the child certainly does not have such a clear understanding of the problem, he just often feels uncomfortable, feels that he is not free to do anything, and often cannot satisfy the adult, which makes him feel very annoyed. So he slowly became disobedient, self-controlled, unconfident, clumsy and bitter. Therefore, parents must be vigilant about the "too much" thing and not act as an authority in front of their children (albeit in the form of gentle love). A child who is too much regulated will gradually change from a "poor listener" under an authoritative parent to a "slave" to his own bad habits. His bad habits are the shackles that bind him and make him miserable, not that he does not want to get rid of them, but that he does not have the ability to get rid of them. Don't we adults often feel this way?

>> Once I met a father who trained his son and said, "When I was a child, there were many children in my family, your grandparents were busy, who cares about me, I can get to this day, isn't it by self-awareness?" How much do you care about me and your mother, spending so much time with you every day to study, but you don't know how to work hard at all, why are you so unconscious? ”

>> For a child, it is indeed a serious problem to have an important exam immediately, but not to study seriously. But this "unconsciousness" is only a symptom, which reflects a series of problems, such as lack of rationality, boredom, poor self-control, immature values, lack of self-esteem, inferiority, etc. To be honest, there must be a causal relationship between this series of problems and the parents' long-term inappropriate education methods. If the parent wants to manage, you must change the method, using the previous method is definitely not feasible, because his current state is a result of the "management" you have implemented for a long time.

ponder:

When I went back to organize my notes, I rethought my own way of education, and I had a long way to go:

Parents try to bring their own children, do not give them to the elderly

Take the time to spend with your children

Set up a "credit book" for your child

Don't use money or material things as rewards

When children do not learn, go deeper and do not just look at the appearance

#Calm and unhurried# Grow up with the baby

The content read the reading notes of "A Good Mother Is Better Than a Good Teacher" for me

Record and think, and share exchange learning with everyone

All educational philosophies do not necessarily apply to all children

Taking its essence, maintaining the ability to think and learn independently is the most important thing