Pay attention to the diary of the fish parenting do not get lost on the way to parenting
The flattering personality is actually what we often call the good old man personality, which is a personality that is afraid of being isolated, afraid of expressing their needs, afraid of conflict, and likes to take the initiative to apologize. In life interactions, it is often to cater to others to live carefully for fear of causing trouble to others, so they will not take the initiative to ask for help. But when others have to ask for themselves, they are very embarrassed but do not know how to refuse, I believe that many parents of our generation, including the elders of the previous generation, can feel how uncomfortable and uncomfortable this kind of grievance to complete the pleasing personality of others is.
Many of this personality is formed in the childhood growth environment, and family education is the most critical reason. Many parents have such an attitude implicit in the way they educate their children, you can only be obedient to get the qualification to be treated well, so the child can only try to please and cater to the parents. So how do we avoid children from becoming flattering personalities, and the three behaviors must not be done.
The first parent likes to be self-deprecating, always say these words to the child, don't go to people's homes to play, but cause trouble for others, don't be so ignorant, let the uncles and aunts see the jokes. This kind of parents themselves are flattering personalities, usually used to ignore their own needs, and often sacrifice the needs of children when educating children, causing children to subconsciously feel inferior, and can only please others to gain a sense of identity.
Second, there are many parents who are reluctant to praise and praise their children, and no matter what the children do, they cannot be completely satisfied. For example, if a child gets a small safflower in kindergarten, the parents will say: "Alas, you see other children they get two small safflowers, how can you get one?" And when the child actively does housework, parents will also say that mom and dad work so hard that you should help more when you grow up. These children, who are rarely affirmed by their parents, always feel that they are not good enough to be loved, so they will try to meet the requirements of their parents, and they want to get their parents' affirmation but they can't get it.
The third often threatens the child, and if you don't finish eating, you will stand outside for me, cry and cry again and let the police arrest you. Children are dependent on their parents and want to be protected by their parents, but if we take advantage of this weakness of our children to manipulate him intentionally or unintentionally, it is equivalent to pushing the child into the abyss of pleasing personality.
We often say that character determines destiny, what kind of character a child has determines what kind of life he will have, and a flattering personality will make a child live in humility all his life. If it is said that the girl is likely to become the least cherished person when she grows up; if it is said that the boy is very likely to become the least valued person in the future in the career and unit.
Finally, Ray also hopes that every parent can reflect on their parenting style and cultivate sunny, confident and happy children!!! Even if we want to please, it is ourselves that we should please the most, not others.