Psychoanalyst Donald Winnice said that children look up at their parents' faces and look at the children themselves.
Parents bring their children into this wonderful world, not only to take on the responsibility of parenting, but more importantly, to educate children to grow up.
We know that parents are a child's first teacher. The personality and behavior of parents do not leave a deep mark on the child's growth process.
The mother and child spend longer with the child than the father who is responsible for raising the family, so what kind of character the mother is has a longer impact on the child's fate.
The English poet George Herbert said that a good mother can be worth 100 teachers.
I deeply believe that only a mother's positive personality can bring a broader and happier future to her children.
01
Controlling mothers cannot raise children with their own subjective opinions
American psychologist Rudolf Drex said:
We believe that indulgence and confusion can occur if children don't follow the rules, but in reality, this approach of making children obey" only creates more challenges.
How many moms have made this mistake?
Obviously, he just wants to guide the child to follow the rules, but he works too hard and unconsciously controls the child's life completely.
In the TV series "Female Psychologist", the girl Jiang Jing came to consult the psychologist Horton, saying that she suffered from anorexia nervosa.
It turned out that Jiang Jing had a mother with a very strong personality, who had high requirements for Jiang Jing, and it took 10 hours to practice the piano every day, and her fingers could not stop bleeding.
Not only that, her mother controls Jiang Jing's social networking, does not allow her to fall in love privately, and any boyfriend must be checked.
There is a detail in the play, while combing Jiang Jing's hair, the mother said without a doubt: "You are still young and grown up, you know your mother's intentions." ”
The mother took good care of her, and she also had to manipulate Jiang Jing's life in every detail.
Let her grow up can not have her own opinions, and then have mental illness, life is a mess.
Because they have to do housework and care about their children's learning, many mothers are busy all day, and in order to save trouble and snacks, they imperatively ask their children.
For a long time, mothers have increasingly controlled their children's learning and life, but they have not found that their children have no desire for the future in the cage woven by their mothers.
We must understand that the child's life should be controlled by themselves, and the more the mother knows how to give the child the space to grow, the more the child can have vigorous vitality.
02
Irritable mothers cannot raise children with good feelings.
Darwin, the founder of evolution, said:
Irritability is one of the despicable instincts of human beings, and irritability is equivalent to taking a step back from the ladder of human progress.
In the TV series "The Hidden Corner", the mother of the boy Zhu Chaoyang, who supported her son alone after divorce, became irritable due to the burden of life and fell on her son without a word.
One night, my mother brought hot milk to Zhu Chaoyang to drink. Zhu Chaoyang said that he didn't want to drink it now, and he would drink it later, and his mother would let him drink it now. Zhu Chaoyang of course refused.
At this time, the mother pushed Zhu Chaoyang's head, clenched her teeth and tried to put the milk into her son's mouth, which frightened Zhu Chaoyang and trembled, not knowing why her mother was so facing him.
Zhu Chaoyang, who was originally introverted and silent, became more silent, and he was later involved in a bigger storm, and his feelings fluctuated greatly, and he almost collapsed for a while.
The mother is originally the child's most attached person, but the mother, who may be angry at any time, worries all day long, afraid that what she has done is not good enough to make the mother angry.
Like Zhu Chaoyang, even if he encounters great turmoil, he does not tell his mother a word, because he cannot say, and everything can only be borne by himself.
If the child's small body can't hold it, the feelings will definitely collapse, but the mother may blame the child or ask why she didn't say it earlier.
In fact, only if the mother really knows, accepts the child's wishes, and does not criticize the child's mistakes, the child will want to open her heart to the mother.
03
A gentle and determined mother is a good luck for a child's growth.
There was a saying that the most important thing in life is not where you stand, but which direction you go.
For children who do not understand things, gentle and steady mothers must be the best leaders in their growth process.
In the recent hit "Xiao Min Family", Liu Xiaomin, played by Zhou Xun, resolutely chose to divorce and leave Jiangxi because he could not stand domestic violence, gambling and affairs.
After more than a decade of fighting in Beijing, Liu Xiaomin finally put down her steps and wanted to be admitted to Jin Jiajun, a son of the Computer Science Department of Tsinghua University, and come to live with her mother with her grandmother.
Liu Xiaomin will communicate gently and calmly even if she misunderstands her because of Jin Jiajun's father's affairs.
She does not have mood swings, takes the initiative to communicate with her son, and firmly expresses her attitude towards life.
In order to encourage Jin Jiajun to review to meet the college entrance examination, he specially took his son to visit Tsinghua University, and the two rode bicycles to feel the learning atmosphere in Tsinghua Garden.
If you look closely at the success stories of these educations, you will find that the mother who can bring a lifetime of life to her children has reached the following three points.
First, be a mother who lets her children grow.
American writer Albert Hubbard said that if parents do too much for their children, children don't do too much for themselves.
As the child grows, the mother will continue to teach the child the skills and learning methods of life, and the child can take responsibility for his own life and decide his own future.
Mothers can stand by the child's side, become the child's strong backing, give the child appropriate guidance, but respect the child's life choices. Because that's the life of a child.
Second, become an emotionally stable and gentle mother.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman proposed in his book "Emotional Intelligence" that people's self-awareness, self-restraint, perseverance, full commitment and other abilities have an impact on people's lives more than IQ.
Mothers who are emotionally stable and do not lose their temper can bring a more stable family atmosphere to their children and cultivate their children's more peaceful emotional ability.
Moms are the closest people to their children, learning what their mothers look like and what their children look like. The more gentle the mother, the more she can raise children with normal feelings.
Third, be a mother with firm principles
British reformer Samuel Smiles said:
A man without principles and without will, like a ship without a rudder and compass, will change his direction at any time as the wind changes.
The child's growth is not arbitrary, and the more firm and principled the mother is, the more she can take the child to work hard in the established direction.
Mothers can guide their children to find the advantages of growth according to their children's personality characteristics, so that children can take fewer detours and help children have a smooth future.
04
In the movie "Mysterious Superstar", the actor who plays Yin Xiya's mother, Mei Vija, said: "In the life of all children, the mother is a real superstar. ”
Moms are the ones who bring their children into the world and the guides of their children's growth.
Children and mothers share day and night, day and night. In this potential silence, the child is certainly the deepest and longest-term influence of the mother.
Therefore, what kind of character mother will raise what kind of fateful child.
If you want your child to have a better destiny, then be a gentle and determined good mother.
Only such a mother can take her child all the way forward and grow up in the direction of her dreams.