Whatever character the mother has, the child will have what life!

Every child is born a genius, but under some parental improper education methods, the more difficult it is to teach.

Slowly becomes:

Soft and hard do not eat, say nothing and listen to anything;

Frequent crying, screaming, tantrums;

Often resist, or even lie;

Timidity, low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence;

Addicted to mobile phone TV, do not like to study, writing homework procrastination;

The circle of friends gathers rural women who have not finished junior high school and college teachers who have graduated from doctorates, which can be described as talking and laughing, and there are white Dings in exchange. Through the colorful dolls, in fact, I can already vaguely see what these children will look like more than ten years later. Believe it or not, children who have a mother to fight are destined to save many twists and turns and hardships on the road of struggle.

Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott said:

"The child looks up at the parent's face and sees the child himself."

Parents bring their children to this wonderful world, not only shouldering the responsibility of parenting, but more importantly, educating children to become adults.

We all know that parents are a child's first teacher.

The personality characteristics and behavior styles of parents all leave a deep imprint on the growth process of children.

Moms spend more time with their children than dads who are responsible for supporting their families.

Therefore, what kind of personality the mother is has a more long-term impact on the child's fate.

The English poet George Herbert said, "A good mother is worth a hundred teachers." ”

The positive personality of the mother will bring a more open and happy future to the child.

I don't know if you have paid attention to how many celebrity biographies describe mothers:

The mother is gentle, virtuous, and understanding, she always silently dedicates herself to her children without complaint, the mother is strong, kind, and assertive, as if nothing can overwhelm the mother...

Are these words familiar? It is this mother who can raise such a wonderful child.

Because children have an instinctive dependence on their mothers at an early age.

Therefore, the mother's personality, language and behavior affect the child's life.

In a family, however, the father is often the one who determines the mother's character, language, and behavior.

Controlling mom

You can't raise a child with an opinion

American psychologist Rudolf Drex said:

We always think that if we don't let our children obey the rules, there will be indulgence and confusion.

But in fact, this way of "forcing children to obey" will only create more challenges.

How many mothers have ever made such a mistake?

Originally, he just wanted to guide the child to follow the rules, but he used too much force and unconsciously fully controlled the child's life.

In the TV series "Female Psychologist", the girl Jiang Jing came to the psychologist Horton for consultation, and she said that she suffered from anorexia nervosa.

It turned out that Jiang Jing had a mother with a particularly strong personality, and her requirements for Jiang Jing were particularly high.

Every day you have to practice the piano for 10 hours, and the fingers pop out of the blood without stopping.

Not only that, her mother also controls Jiang Jing's social networking, does not allow her to fall in love privately, and lets her check what kind of boyfriend she has.

There is such a detail in the play, while combing Jiang Jing's hair, the mother said without doubt: "You are still young, and when you grow up, you will know your mother's intentions." ”

Her mother gave Jiang Jing meticulous care, but manipulated Jiang Jing's life in great detail.

As a result, she grew up without opinion, and because of this, she became ill and lived a messy life.

Because they have to take care of housework and care about their children's learning, many mothers are busy all day.

In order to save some trouble and save more snacks, the child will be asked in an imperative way.

Over time, mothers become more and more aggressive in manipulating their children's learning and life.

But they do not realize that the child has no desire for the future in the cage woven by his mother.

We need to understand that children's lives should be controlled by themselves.

The more the mother knows how to let go and give the child the space to grow, the more the child can have vigorous vitality.

Grumpy mom

Children who can't raise good emotions

Darwin, the founder of the theory of evolution, said:

Grumpiness is one of the more despicable natures of human beings, and if people lose their temper, they are equivalent to taking a step backwards on the ladder of human progress.

In the TV series "The Hidden Corner", the mother of the boy Zhu Chaoyang raised her son alone after divorce.

The burden of life made her temper temper become grumpy, and she sprinkled fire on her son without a word.

One night, my mother brought hot milk for Zhu Chaoyang to drink.

Zhu Chaoyang said that he didn't want to drink it now, and he would drink it later, but his mother had to drink it now, and Of course Zhu Chaoyang refused.

At this time, the mother pressed Zhu Chaoyang's head, gritted her teeth and wanted to pour milk into her son's mouth, which frightened Zhu Chaoyang and trembled, not understanding why her mother did this to him?

Zhu Chaoyang, who was originally introverted and did not like to talk, became more silent.

So much so that he was later caught up in a bigger storm, with particularly large emotional ups and downs, and even almost collapsed at one point.

The mother was originally the person the child was most attached to, but the mother who could be angry at any time would let the child live in trembling all day, afraid that she would annoy the mother where she did not do well.

Just like Zhu Chaoyang, even if he encountered great twists and turns, he never said a word to his mother.

It was because he did not dare to say that all things could only be carried by himself.

When the child's small body cannot bear it, the emotions will inevitably collapse completely, and the mother may still blame the child and ask the child why he did not say it earlier?

Grumpy mothers can't raise emotionally stable children.

Only when the mother really understands, accepts more and tolerates the child's willingness, less accusation and less criticism of the child's mistakes, can the child be willing to open her heart with the mother.

Irritable parents tend to raise children with 15 personalities

1. Keep apologizing

Because the parents have a bad temper, some children will always apologize, for fear of triggering the parents' fiery temper.

Children who grow up in such a family will always remain vigilant and become cautious.

A child named Jodie B. said in an interview:

“

"I now like to do things alone, because if I am with others, when I am doing something, I find that others are looking at the watch, I will immediately start to panic, feel that I have delayed other people's time, and keep apologizing." 」

"Looking at the watch to check the time is obviously a normal thing, but for me, it will be terrible enough for me to immediately turn on the apology switch."

”

Another child named Natalie J. also said:

"I would apologize for all the normal things. There are different opinions, I will apologize; can't help crying, I will apologize. ”

"I did my best to please everyone to keep the peace, and I didn't want to stand up and get attention, because if I did this at home, I would be blown away by the anger of my parents."

2. Think too much

Parents' emotions are easy to get out of control, which will cause children to think too much.

Because when the parents erupt, the child will think, is it that I have made a mistake again, what did I do wrong and make the mother unhappy?

Such thoughts can cause children to fall into anxiety and be tormented by the bad emotions of their parents.

One child said in an interview:

"Everything, I think about things, meticulous to the point of anxiety. Because I'm trying to prepare for the next thing that will disappoint mom. ”

3. Be particularly afraid of disappointing people

This is the typical "flattering personality".

Such a child always tries to please others, take care of other people's feelings, consider the needs of others, and are afraid of others' disappointment.

Children with such a personality live so tired that they live without self!

The child, named Rye B., said:

"Because I'm afraid of getting into trouble or getting angry, I try not to talk, I try not to do anything."

"Even when you're with your closest friends, you feel like you have to get permission from them before you can speak and act."

4. Control

Emotionally irritable families will also raise children with a desire for control.

Some children feel like "I can't control my desire for control because I feel responsible for how everyone feels."

Such a child always tries to control everything within his control, so as not to make his parents dissatisfied with the slightest negligence.

Murphy M.说：

"My father was grumpy, and my mother was always a victim. So I tried to manage every little thing meticulously so that he wouldn't explode and my mother wouldn't suffer.

Now, as soon as things are out of my control, I feel very anxious because I feel that the situation is bound to get worse.

Because if I can't control everything, then something might upset some people, it's exhausting, and no one is going to love me. ”

5. Take care of everyone

Children who grow up in irritable families simply have experienced the wind and rain and know how to take care of their parents' emotions.

Therefore, when they deal with people outside, they will also know how to take care of other people's emotions and feelings, and even naturally become the role of big brother and big sister.

Chloe L.说:

"I will naturally take care of everyone, because I have to do this all my life. But when I tried to take care of myself, I broke down. ”

6. Difficult to choose

In the TV series "Little Joy", the role of Song Qian, played by Tao Hong, is not only a mother with a strong desire for control, but also a fragile and sensitive mother.

She can cry and argue with her daughter over a movie;

It is also possible to destroy the secret base that Qiao Weidong created for his daughter;

It can also be in order to keep her daughter around, and cut off her way to apply for Nanda, resulting in Qiao Yingzi's long-term insomnia and collapse and jumping into the river.

She designs a future for Qiao Yingzi everywhere and chooses life for her daughter, causing her daughter to be wary of her mother while falling into endless painful choices.

Therefore, Qiao Yingzi will lose sleep for more than a month, and Nanda has become the last straw that crushes her!

"It's hard for me to make a choice, or to make any comments. Because throughout my childhood, my teenage years, and even my 20s, I wasn't allowed to decide anything on my own. ”

One child said so in an interview.

7. Ignore your feelings

Because parents are irritable, children try to hide themselves as much as possible to avoid direct conflict with their parents.

They ignore their feelings because there is so much pain in life that children have to be less miserable.

Jodi A. said, "I'll hide all my emotions instead of releasing them." ”

Another child also said: "I have to ignore my own feelings, and it is difficult for me to contact others." ”

8. Always please others

One child said: "My father abused me both physically and emotionally, and now, I don't talk about my feelings, but always try to please others, even if it means hurting myself." ”

Another child also said:

"I always flatter others, I always carefully think about every word that is spoken, I am always pleasing others.

Because if I don't, I may face severe depression or sudden outbursts. ”

9. Feel like a supporting character in life

Some netizens said: "No matter how much I pay, I am the one who has been abandoned." ”

Such a child eventually lived himself into a supporting role in life.

Because they can't take the results into their own hands.

In the face of the bad emotions of our parents, it is difficult for us to live according to our own wishes.

10. Insecurity

The child's sense of security is given by the parents.

Once, teacher Yin Jianli was a guest on the show;

The host asked her: What did your parents say that made you feel that it hurt you the most?

She replied:

My mother said to me in a hurry, I should not raise your daughter, and I will not expect you to raise you when I am old, I will live by myself.

Subsequently, another moderator proposed to do a survey on the spot to see how many people had heard their parents say such things.

Unexpectedly, 98% of the audience said they had a similar experience.

11. Feel that other people's actions always have a deep meaning

This kind of personality of the child is similar to "thinking too much":

There are children who say:

"Someone else's inadvertent remark, or a small body movement, will make me alert, make me think that he is hinting at something, and make me think about it."

"I often feel like these little clues are meant to prepare me for the breakdown of my life, to prepare me, and I'm even used to doing it and can't change it."

12. Reject people thousands of miles away

Parents are originals and children are photocopies.

Emotionally irritable parents, always push their children away and isolate themselves;

Children under the influence of their parents always refuse to communicate with their parents and even others and get along well.

In this regard, a child said:

"When I'm depressed, I push everyone away because that's what my mom did.

I'm trying to learn how to get people into my life, but it's really hard to do because I simply don't know how to communicate properly with people. ”

13. Glass heart

Emotionally unstable parents are typical glass hearts, and when they encounter small things, they are shocked at first, and they are not stable at all.

And some children, under the influence of this emotion, will also become sensitive and vulnerable, and they cannot control their emotions well about anything.

14. Help others clean up the mess

In the TV series "Flowing Good Time", Yi Yao, the daughter played by Zheng Shuang, is a person who often helps her mother clean up the mess.

Because of the failure of the marriage, my mother drank heavily all day and her temper became extremely grumpy.

She was drunk all day, often throwing herself around, quarreling with her neighbors, and accusing Yi Yao and getting angry at her.

And Yi Yao, on the other hand, can only clean up the mess for her every time: apologize to the neighbors, pull back the beer truck that her mother left outside, clean up the home that is confused by vomiting...

15. Empathy

I didn't expect this psychiatrist to come to this conclusion.

One of the children said:

"Growing up in a family like this wasn't entirely a bad thing, and I realized that when I was very young, I learned how to put myself in the shoes of others."

"When I was only 3 years old, my mom was crying and I went to buy her a stuffed teddy bear in her room."

Most of the children with the above 15 personality performances are under the influence of emotionally fragile parents.

These characteristics are worth reflecting on by every parent...

Would you rather have your own children like this?

Presumably, all parents do not want to hurt their children because of their emotions.

For children, when their parents are out of control, it is a horror movie.

In a sense: the emotional peace of parents is the greatest education for children.

The child's good temper comes from the subtle influence of the parents and the guidance of words and deeds.

The way parents behave for people, the expression of emotions, the attitude towards life... None of them affects the formation of all behavior habits of children, including emotional management.

Gentle and determined mom

It is a good fate for children to grow up

There is a saying that the most important thing in life is not where you stand, but in what direction you go.

For children who do not understand the world, gentle and determined mothers must be the best leaders in their growth process.

In the popular "Xiao Min Family" some time ago, Liu Xiaomin, played by Zhou Xun, resolutely chose to divorce and leave Jiujiang, Jiangxi Because of her husband who could not stand domestic violence, gambling and cheating.

After more than ten years of hard work in Beijing, Liu Xiaomin finally gained a firm foothold.

Jin Jiajun, a son who wanted to enter the computer department of Tsinghua University, followed his grandmother to live with his mother.

Liu Xiaomin spoke softly and softly, even if Jin Jiajun misunderstood her because of her father's affairs.

She did not put on a little face, but took the initiative to communicate with her son and firmly expressed her attitude towards life.

In order to encourage Jin Jiajun to review well to meet the college entrance examination, he specially asked for leave to take his son to visit Tsinghua University.

Mother and son rode bicycles and felt the learning atmosphere in Tsinghua Garden.

Counting the successful cases of those education, it is not difficult to find that mothers who can bring a good life to their children have achieved the following 3 points:

First of all, be a mother who lets go of her child's growth.

American writer Albert Hubbard said:

"When parents do too much for their children, children don't do too much for themselves."

In the process of children growing up, mothers continue to teach children survival skills, learning methods, children will know how to take responsibility for their own lives, for their own future to make decisions.

The mother stands by the child's side and acts as the child's strong backing, which can give the child appropriate guidance.

But be sure to respect your child's life choices, because that's your child's life.

Second, be an emotionally stable and gentle mom.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman, in his book Emotional Intelligence, argues:

"Human abilities such as self-awareness, self-discipline, perseverance, and total commitment have a more important impact on a person's life than IQ."

Mothers who are emotionally stable and do not lose their temper at will can bring a more stable family atmosphere to their children and cultivate their children's more gentle emotional abilities.

The mother is the closest person to the child, and what the mother looks like, the child will learn what to look like.

The softer the mother, the more she can raise a child with normal emotions.

Third, be a firm and principled mother.

British reformer Samuel Smiles said:

"A man without principles and without will, like a ship without a rudder and compass, will change his direction at any time as the wind changes."

The child's growth is not arbitrary, and the more firm and principled the mother is, the more she can take the child to work hard in the established direction.

Mothers can guide their children to find the advantages of growth according to their children's personality characteristics, so that children can take fewer detours and help children have a smooth future.

In the movie "Mysterious Superstar", the actor Who plays Yin Xiya's mother, Mei Vija, said: "In every child's life, the mother is the real superstar. ”

The mother is the person who brings the child into the world, and it is also the guide for the child's growth.

Children and their mothers get along day and night, day and night together, under such a subtle subtlety, the children are of course the most profound and long-term influence of their mothers.

Therefore, what kind of personality mother will raise what kind of fateful child.

If you want your child to have a better destiny, then try to be a gentle and determined good mother.

Only such a mother can take her child all the way forward in the direction of dreams and grow all the way!

How to be a good qualified mother

1

Before entering the door, forget your unpleasantness

Before entering the house, mom must remind herself: forget all the unpleasant things in the unit, and now begin to assume the role of mother. Children need their mothers to be happy, and never transfer bad emotions that have nothing to do with children onto children, because children are innocent.

A moody mother can't raise an emotionally stable child. When the mother will appreciate the child, let the child feel that he is loved, and will shout at the child, let the child feel that he is hated, and the child grows up to be wary and become extremely difficult to get close.

2

A child's little honor is important

When a child excitedly tells his mother that he got a five-pointed star or a small red flower at school today, don't show boredom or disdain, and be sure to praise him as happily as your son. The most appropriate way is to say whether you can let the mother see and share this happiness with him, because this honor is very important for the child.

3

"Ignorant" mom

When a child comes to ask his mother, "How to pronounce this word" and so on, the mother had better not answer him immediately, and the worst answer is "How do you not even know this word" and so on.

Mom had better take a look at it and say, "Oh, I don't know either, let's look up the dictionary together, okay?" After a few times, the mother taught the child to use the dictionary, and at the same time, the child will have a sense of accomplishment after looking up the dictionary and knowing the word, and after many times, he will develop the habit of consulting the information without relying on the mother.

4

Calm, calm, must be calm

When the child tells the mother that the exam is not good today, the mother must restrain her emotions, absolutely can not be angry or gloomy, the child is nervously observing the mother's face at this time. Therefore, it is best for the mother to show that there is no emotional change, let the child take out the paper, and analyze what is wrong with the child.

If the child already understands what is wrong, the mother does not have to dwell on it anymore. But finally encourage him: you see, you figured out that you can't go wrong with the next exam.

The mother's mood is peaceful, and even if the material is not so rich, the child is happy.

Lao She described his mother's life with emotion in the article "My Mother", saying that the education given to him by his mother was the education of life.

He said: "My mother's soft and hard character has also been passed on to me. I adopt a peaceful attitude towards all people and things. ”

5

I used to be a coward too

When the child shows timidity before the exam or before doing something more important, the mother must not be dismissive or reprimand him for being timid or acting more nervous than him, which will aggravate the child's psychological pressure and cause the child to be unable to play normally.

At this time, the mother had better say to the child very easily, no matter how you do, mom and dad are not as good as you when they are as old as you, don't worry. At this time, the child will have a lot of confidence and confidence in his heart, and he will play better than usual.

6

In the face of failure, we are a little stronger

When the child suffers failure or setbacks, the mother should show strength and never give up, calmly telling the child that failure only represents a moment, does not represent the child's lifelong failure.

Don't let the mother act hopelessly in the first place when the child doesn't think she has to give up. The worst thing is to use harsh language to ridicule him, to count the children to nothing, and even to calculate the old accounts together. Children educated by such mothers will be extremely inferior and even give up their own bright future.

7

"You have to...", "You should..."

Mothers should not preemptively express their own views before the child has expressed what she wants to say clearly, whether the child wants to or not, in the tone of "you must..." and "you should..." to order the child to represent the child's point of view with her own point of view, and ask the child to carry it out.

Mom must not be synonymous with "authoritarianism". Children who grow up in this situation lack self-determination and lack the ability to judge right and wrong. Mothers and children should have an equal relationship (equality is not unprincipled) and know how to respect each other.

8

Hurt comes from those closest to you

Mothers have to control the way they speak in front of their children.

The mother knows the child best, so the mother knows best where the child's weakness is, if the mother often points directly to the child's weakness when she speaks, with sarcasm, criticism or blackmail, or knowingly knowing that the child cannot do it and deliberately asking the child to do it, this is undoubtedly the sharpest weapon constantly stabbing the child's sore spot. The child will be hurt inside because the hurt comes from the people closest to him.

9

"Short language + silence" > nagging non-stop

Mothers control the number of languages in front of their children. Don't nag, in fact, the most frightening thing for the child is the silence of the mother, so instead of nagging and nagging the child endlessly, it is better to tell the child in short language where he has made mistakes or what he should pay attention to.

Next, the mother's silence is certainly more useful than continuing to speak, do not think that the child does not understand, although he pretends to be indifferent, but is actually observing whether the mother takes what she says seriously.

Behind a virtuous mother, there is often a husband who loves her deeply. The more firmly the husband loves, the more stable the wife is, and the gentler her personality becomes.

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