Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott said that children look up at their parents' faces and see the children themselves.
Parents bring their children to this wonderful world, not only shouldering the responsibility of parenting, but more importantly, educating children to become adults.
We all know that parents are the first teachers of children, and their personality characteristics and behavior styles have left a deep imprint on the child's growth process.
Under normal circumstances, the mother spends more time with the child, so what kind of personality the mother is has a more long-term impact on the child's fate.
The English poet George Herbert said that a good mother is worth a hundred teachers.
I deeply believe that the positive personality of the mother will bring a more open and happy future to the child.
American psychologist Rudolf Drex said:
We always think that if we don't let our children obey the rules, there will be indulgence and confusion. But in fact, this way of "forcing children to obey" will only create more challenges.
How many mothers have ever made such a mistake?
Originally, he just wanted to guide the child to follow the rules, but he used too much force and unconsciously fully controlled the child's life.
In the TV series "Female Psychologist", the girl Jiang Jing came to the psychologist Horton for consultation, and she said that she suffered from anorexia nervosa.
It turned out that Jiang Jing had a mother with a particularly strong personality, and the requirements for Jiang Jing were particularly high, and she had to practice the piano for 10 hours every day, and the blood on her fingers would not stop.
Not only that, her mother also controls Jiang Jing's social networking, does not allow her to fall in love privately, and lets her check what kind of boyfriend she has.
There is such a detail in the play, while combing Jiang Jing's hair, the mother said without doubt: "You are still young, and when you grow up, you will know your mother's intentions." ”
Her mother gave Jiang Jing meticulous care, but she manipulated Jiang Jing's life in great detail, causing her to have no opinion when she grew up, and she became ill and her life was a mess.
Because they have to take care of housework and care about their children's learning, many mothers are busy all day long, and in order to save some things and save more snacks, they will use orders to ask their children.
Over time, the mother becomes more and more forceful in manipulating the child's learning and life, but does not realize that the child has no desire for the future in the cage woven by the mother.
We must understand that the child's life should be controlled by themselves, and the more the mother knows how to let go of the space for the child's growth, the more the child can have vigorous vitality.
Darwin, the founder of the theory of evolution, said:
Grumpiness is one of the more despicable natures of human beings, and if people lose their temper, they are equivalent to taking a step backwards on the ladder of human progress.
In the TV series "The Hidden Corner", the mother of the boy Zhu Chaoyang, after divorce, raised her son alone, and the burden of life made her temper become grumpy, and she threw anger on her son without a word.
One night, his mother brought hot milk for Zhu Chaoyang to drink, Zhu Chaoyang said that he did not want to drink it now, and he would drink it later, but his mother had to drink it now, and Of course Zhu Chaoyang refused.
At this time, the mother pressed the child's head, gritted her teeth and wanted to pour milk into her son's mouth, which frightened Zhu Chaoyang and trembled, not understanding why the mother wanted to do this to him.
Zhu Chaoyang, who was originally introverted and did not like to talk, became more silent, so that he was later involved in a bigger storm, and his emotional ups and downs were particularly large, and even almost collapsed at one point.
The mother was originally the person the child was most attached to, but the mother who could be angry at any time would let the child live in trembling all day, afraid that she would annoy the mother where she did not do well.
When the child's small body cannot bear it, the emotions will inevitably collapse completely, and the mother may still blame the child and ask the child why he did not say it earlier?
In fact, only when the mother accepts more and tolerates the child's willingness, less accusation and less criticism of the child's mistakes, can the child be willing to open up with the mother.
There is a saying that the most important thing in life is not where you stand, but in what direction you go.
For children who do not understand the world, gentle and determined mothers must be the best leaders in their growth process.
In the popular TV series "Xiao Min Jia" some time ago, Liu Xiaomin, played by Zhou Xun, resolutely chose to divorce and leave Jiangxi because of her husband who could not stand domestic violence, gambling and cheating.
After working hard in Beijing for more than ten years, Liu Xiaomin finally gained a firm foothold and wanted to enter Jin Jiajun, the son of the computer department of Tsinghua University, and followed her grandmother to live with her mother.
Liu Xiaomin spoke softly and softly, even if Jin Jiajun misunderstood her because of her father's affairs, she did not put on a little face, but took the initiative to communicate with her son and firmly expressed her attitude towards life.
In order to encourage Jin Jiajun to review well to meet the college entrance examination, he specially took a leave of absence to take his son to visit Tsinghua University, and the mother and son rode bicycles and felt the learning atmosphere in Tsinghua Park.
Counting the successful cases of those education, it is not difficult to find that mothers who can bring a good life to their children have achieved the following 3 points:
First of all, be a mother who lets go of her child's growth.
American writer Albert Hubbard said that when parents do too much for their children, children don't do too much for themselves.
In the process of children growing up, mothers continue to teach children survival skills, learning methods, children will know how to take responsibility for their own lives, for their own future to make decisions.
The mother stands by the child's side, is the child's strong backing, and can give the child appropriate guidance, but must respect the child's life choices, because that is the child's life.
Second, be an emotionally stable and gentle mom.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman proposed in his book "Emotional Intelligence" that human self-awareness, self-restraint, perseverance and full commitment have a more important impact on a person's life than IQ.
Mothers who are emotionally stable and do not lose their temper at will can bring a more stable family atmosphere to their children and cultivate their children's more gentle emotional abilities.
Mother is the child's closest person, what the mother looks like, the child will learn what to look like, the more soft-spoken the mother, the more able to raise a child with normal emotions.
Third, be a firm and principled mother.
British reformer Samuel Smiles said:
A man without principles and without will, like a ship without a rudder and compass, will change his direction at any time as the wind changes.
The child's growth is not arbitrary, and the more firm and principled the mother is, the more she can take the child to work hard in the established direction.
Mothers can guide their children to find the advantages of growth according to their children's personality characteristics, so that children can take fewer detours and help children have a smooth future.
In the movie "Mysterious Superstar", the actor Who plays Yin Xiya's mother, Mei Vija, said: "In every child's life, the mother is the real superstar. ”
The mother is the person who brings the child into the world, and it is also the guide for the child's growth.
Children and their mothers get along day and night, day and night together, under such a subtle subtlety, the children are of course the most profound and long-term influence of their mothers.
Therefore, what kind of personality mother will raise what kind of fateful child.
Click "watching", if you want your child to have a better destiny, then be a gentle and determined good mother.
Only such a mother can take her child all the way forward and grow up in the direction of her dreams.
The author | A Corner of the Heart, Source: Fan Deng Reading (ID: readingclub_btfx)
The anchor | Liang Shuang, senior program host, public number: Liang Shuang FM
Pictures | Visual China