Every woman wants to be a queen, to be on top, to be the big sister of life, and to stomp on the soles of her feet of people who bully and look down on her. As there is a very best-selling title, "Women are not ruthless, their status is unstable!" "There is nothing wrong with this, because strength is the protective color of life, and you can make yourself live more wantonly and more excitingly."
But strong does not equal strong, the family is not the workplace, if in a family, the woman's personality is too strong, then the husband will become weaker and More Buddhist, withdraw from the role he should have assumed, and give up all rights to the wife.
Seeing this, some people will say: "This is very good, the personality complements the natural family harmony, and everyone is happy." ”
In fact, it is not, as the saying goes, there must be a father who has a son, a mother must have a daughter, a strong mother behind a cowardly father, if the child is a girl, then it is likely to be as strong as the mother; if the child is a boy, it may be as weak as the father.
Mothers may not find that this seemingly "perfect" mode of getting along is actually the unfortunate beginning of their children's growth and education.
What does a mother with too strong a personality look like?
Strong mothers, they do everything with a straight face, saying one thing or the other. From a psychological point of view, they have a class concept in their hearts, a set of unbreakable class thinking, and subconsciously believe that the younger generation should have the appearance of the younger generation, and they are the elders, and the practice is definitely right.
They use the attitude of a person to dictate and do whatever they want about the child's life and growth, and if the child does not listen to her arrangement, it is the child's own problem.
All in all, this type of mother is controlling, self-righteous, and says one thing or the other.
Controlling children in the name of love is actually hurting them
Hope son jackie chan, hope daughter into phoenix, every mother must love their children the most, but also hope that they can grow into talents, but love is the nourishment of growth, but also easy to become the source of misfortune.
Crooked mother suddenly remembered a book she had read before, "Silent Confession", which was the best book of the year in Amazon in the United States in 2014, and the protagonist of the story, Lydia, had a strong mother - she aspired to become a doctor, but gave up her dream of becoming a housewife because of raising children and other reasons.
Then in the name of love, she pinned her dream of being a doctor on her own child Lydia, completely ignoring Lydia's true thoughts and hobbies, under all kinds of persecution, Lydia finally chose to jump into the lake and commit suicide, she "confessed" to her mother in this form, making her sober and self-aware.
Many mothers in the education of their children, it is easy to use the experience of "people who come over" to ask their children or impose their will on them unconditionally, and even some people will turn their children into replicas of their dreams, as if the success of their children is the embodiment of their own life value, and what is more ridiculous is that such people sincerely believe that they do this is the performance of "loving children".
Children who can grow up under this control are very stressed and extremely fragile, they dare to be angry, they are prone to depression or autism after a long time of enduring, and even go to the end of the road like Lydia.
"I'm all for your own good", but is it really good for children?
"I'm all for your own good", this is the most common words of strong mothers, and it is also the childhood nightmare of many children. In the web drama "The Hidden Corner", which was once popular all over the Internet, Zhu Chaoyang's mother Zhou Chunhong was impressed by the persona who was too controlling, and she said one thing at home, only doing what she thought was right, such as letting the child drink milk every day, and the picture of forcing Zhu Chaoyang to drink milk was too suffocating.
Because she feels that all her actions are for the sake of the child, as long as the child is in good health and learning, everything else is secondary. However, Zhu Chaoyang, who seems to be obedient, is actually very afraid in his heart and always wants to escape from his family.
This kind of "for your own good" type of strong mothers, they often only pay attention to whether the child can "become a talent" in the future, and ignore the child's inner development, sacrificing happiness for the sake of becoming a talent, is it really good for the child?
Too strong a mother, it is difficult to raise excellent children
On a Q&A platform, this topic is very hot, many netizens shared their personal experiences, and their answers revealed too many grievances and regrets.
A: As a child who grew up in the shadow of his mother, he was not manly, social, afraid of rejection, and emotionally unstable.
B: There is no opinion on doing things, and the flattering personality.
C: Low self-esteem, I always feel like I'm nothing.
D: There is a strong old mother who subconsciously likes to fight with her.
E: I unconditionally identified with my mother, and later found that I had become very Buddhist in my life.
F: Although I hate it, I grew up and found myself like a mother, getting more and more irritable...
Seeing this, should those mothers with strong personalities reflect on whether their own education methods are appropriate. It is true that parents want their children to be excellent, but through strong control, can they really put their children on the path of excellence?
Psychology calls this phenomenon of control the "inner window effect", which means that parents lock their children in the area they rule, do not let him touch the outside environment, parents are determined to let go of the child, he will definitely deviate from the correct trajectory of life, then, the result is that the child will never be able to touch the world outside the window.
Every child is a unique individual, he must be free to explore and practice, in order to continue to grow, freedom is the most important nutrient in the process of children's growth, parents must be between freedom and control to grasp the scale, as far as possible to give children greater freedom, which is the prerequisite for raising a good child.
Children who grow up under the control of powerful mothers, difficult to be independent, have no opinion, lack courage and creativity, and have a trembling mouse in their hearts, sensitive and humble, who have been eager to escape all their lives, but dare not break the cage around them.
Write at the end:
For those mothers with strong personalities, rather than saying that the children are inseparable from the mother, it is better to say that the mother is inseparable from the child, it is time to properly put away your "protective umbrella", lower your posture, try to "show weakness" with the children, communicate with them on an equal footing, and listen to their inner voice.
Even a strong woman in the workplace can also be a small woman in the family, especially as a warm companion in the growth of children, and become the most beautiful existence in the hearts of children.