A distant relative of mine has a lovely daughter named Xiaodou. When Xiaodou was 4 years old, his parents took Xiaodou and his grandmother back to his hometown. On the way back, Grandma can't leave temporarily because of some things, and she has to delay in her hometown for about 10 days, so that Xiaodou needs to stay and go with Grandma. Because her parents had to go to work, there was no time to pick her up and drop her off at kindergarten in the morning and evening.
Xiao Dou had never left her parents before, and when she heard that she and her grandmother were to be left behind, she was unwilling, and let her parents tell her the truth over and over again, but she didn't do it. Grandma privately suggested that Dou Dad and Dou Ma sneak away, thinking that the child would be fine if she cried for half a day, but Dou Ma Dou Dou Dad couldn't bear it and was unwilling to do that. After discussing, the two children decided to change the strategy to do ideological work for the child.
The day before leaving, DouDou's mother and father deliberately made a sad face in front of the child, which attracted the attention of Xiao Doudou. Like talking to an adult, Dou Dad solemnly said to Xiao Dou: "Mom and Dad encountered a difficult thing and didn't know what to do." Xiao Dou asked what was wrong, and Dad said, I and your mother asked the company for leave only until tomorrow, and when I went back, I had to go to work. However, now it seems that we can't go back to work because we have to pick you up and drop you off at kindergarten. It wasn't until ten days later that my grandparents would go back and we would be able to go to work. However, by that time, many jobs have been delayed beyond completion, the boss will definitely reprimand us, and the salary will be deducted a lot. Alas, what can be done about this?
Xiao Dou looked at Mom and Dad with some sympathy. Mom also sighed and said, what can I do about this, I have to think of a way to do it quickly!
Xiao Dou blinked his eyes like a little adult, and seemed to be helping his parents think of ideas.
After a moment, Dou Dad seemed to suddenly think of some good idea, and said to Xiao Dou Bean: Dad wants to come and go, and thinks there is a way to solve this problem, I don't know if you agree or disagree?
Xiao Doudou listened and urged his father to hurry up.
Dou Dad said slowly: The good way I thought of is like this, Mom and Dad go back to work first, and you and Grandma live here for a few more days, so that our work can be completed on time, and we don't worry about being fired from the company, and our difficulties will be solved. What do you think of this method?
Xiao Doudou looked at her father, and then looked at her mother, these truths have been heard before, did not participate in thinking, and now that her father asked for her opinion, she thought very hard, wanted to say and stopped, and did not know what to say for a while.
Mom answered next to her, well, I also think it's a good idea, baby what do you think, okay?
Little Beanie nodded, good.
Dad suddenly looked relaxed and said with great satisfaction, it seems that the 3 of us will use our brains together and will come up with a solution!
Mom also happily continued that Xiaodou really understands things and can think of a good way with us.
The child was suddenly happy and had a sense of accomplishment.
Dou Dad said in a happy tone, Xiao Dou Bean, you hurry to tell your grandparents about this good way we came up with! Xiao Dou happily went to report to his grandparents.
The next morning, before his parents left, Grandpa suddenly asked Xiao Doudou, are you really not going to go back with your parents? Dou Dad was very worried that Grandpa would make Xiao Doudou pestered and did not let them go, but he did not expect Xiao Doudou to say proudly: We have come up with a good way, now I do not go back, my parents want to go to work, there is no time to send me to kindergarten, I go back with my grandparents! Between the words, a responsible look.
Analyzing the practices of Dou Mama and Dou Dad, they adopted the way of relationship reversal in this matter. In the beginning, the child is in a secondary position, a passive role, an object of persuasion. She is required to obey the arrangements of adults, to bring her own interests to the fulfillment of other people's arrangements, so the child instinctively resists. Later, parents take the initiative to reduce themselves to a secondary position, and the child becomes an active person who can make a choice from a persuasive object, and at the same time becomes a practitioner who can implement the decision.
When a child is involved in a decision, realizes that she has the initiative, and has a way to help her parents solve a difficult problem that they cannot solve on their own, her sense of responsibility and self-importance rises. This feeling is the inner pursuit of human beings, and even a child will be intoxicated by this feeling, so that the work of thought can be done in the child's heart. Children naturally become sensible, and things are easy to solve.
This article is excerpted from Yin Jianli's book "The Most Beautiful Education is the Simplest".