01
Host Lu Yu wrote in the book: "I long for love, longing for someone to hold hands to go for a walk and watch a movie, but reality tells me that love will probably dissipate one day." ”
Really, marriage is the graveyard of love. When you get married, you will find that all romance, at a certain moment, suddenly ends, replaced by quarrels, silence, exhaustion, boredom.
Getting married seems to be the stupidest thing to do, to tie one's fate to another person, no matter whether it is life, old age, illness or death, there is no escape.
If you really want to divorce, it is like a heart being stabbed, and it is inevitable that there will be pain in the heart and lungs. To soothe such vicissitudes, it takes a long time, and it also needs to have a strong self-healing force.
Today, I want to advise you, do not divorce until you have to, but actively adjust yourself, change the way you get along, everything is still room for redemption.
Forcing yourself to do the following things, dead love can also be revived. There won't necessarily be a blazing flame, but there will be trivial romantic feelings.
02
First thing: accept reality and face the increasingly bland life.
Zhang Ailing said: "Life itself is a gorgeous cheongsam, crawling with fleas. ”
Admittedly, romance is like an angular stone, washed by flowing water, and beaten countless rolls on the riverbed, and then becomes a slippery pebble - life after marriage.
Many couples don't even have the idea of arguing. Even if there is a contradiction, I am too lazy to take care of it and let it go.
One writer described his family: "I came home and sat in silence with my father and mother, letting the ticks of time slip away. In the past, I used to be bored with my father and mother's advice to Tomune, and when people reach middle age, I have the same tone for my children. Now, the old man's ding-dong has also been omitted. ”
Parents are getting older, words are getting less and less, and even nagging to their children has become dispensable.
What love is there for a pair of taciturn people?
If you observe carefully, you will find that many "speechless" old couples still have the action of love.
For example, when going out, you will keep your distance and will not let the other party out of sight; when crossing the road, you will get close to each other and protect each other; when traveling, you would rather miss the scenery than take care of the person who walks very slowly.
A good marriage is ultimately embodied in a "light" word. If you have always wanted to be enthusiastic, you can only look for a third party and open a new relationship, such an action is not advisable.
People can't fall in love all their lives. It's about feeling the romance of life.
03
The second thing: help each other and actively intervene in each other's "space".
In many families, couples are busy, working and living, without too much intersection. Although I go home every day, I can't find a common topic.
My neighbor, Ma Ma, runs a small supermarket and his wife is a housewife with no job.
Every day, the old horse had to be busy until twelve o'clock at night before returning home. The wife went to bed early with the children. After a long time, the old horse began to complain about his wife, thinking that she was too relaxed.
One day, my wife proposed "role swapping" – she went to manage the supermarket, and the old horse managed the children.
Lao Ma was surprised and thought that his wife did not know anything about the things in the supermarket, so he refused. The wife insisted on changing, even if it was two or three days, and the old horse could only agree.
On the one hand, the wife managed the supermarket properly, while the old horse held the child, overwhelmed and tired.
It turned out that the wife had already inquired about the supermarket and secretly did several market surveys. The old horse was very convinced, and from then on the husband sang with the woman, and everything was shared with each other.
Who says women are inferior to men? Actively intervene in each other's "space", each other becomes the "right arm", work and life will be more transparent, and rely on each other, feelings will be more intimate.
Couples, don't live as two tracks that rarely cross.
04
Third thing: learn to communicate and talk calmly and at length.
There is such a thing in "Encounter": a girl named Lilas writes a letter to Lu Yu for help. She and her boyfriend have been in love for many years, both in their thirties, but at the threshold of marriage, they hesitate.
Lu Yu wrote back and said that he hoped that the two people would have a good talk, and the topic was "whether to be together in the end."
The outcome of the conversation was twofold, one was that the two parties agreed to get married as expected, and the other was to let go, at least for a period of time. Whatever the outcome, it will be comforting.
Those who should go always have to go and cannot stay; those who cannot go, they must also be together when they are killed.
On the emotional road, we often have to do multiple choice questions. For couples, this multiple choice question is not done by one person, but by two people agreeing.
There is a saying that goes well - love that does not communicate is dead.
After communication, you may be able to find love, but if you don't communicate, you will definitely not be able to find it back. No one is a roundworm in anyone's stomach, even if they are in a room every day, they can't guess the true thoughts in their hearts.
Resentment or entanglement, speak out, don't hide it.
05
Fourth thing: serious reflection and analysis of the situation after the divorce.
Marriage is a responsibility, not a momentary pleasure.
You're really tired of marriage, so take a little time to think about "what happens after the divorce."
First, for a long time, to live alone. Whether you can find the object is difficult to say.
Second, what about children? Can you give it up? Yes, you need to bear the child support, or spend a lot of time with it.
Third, if you really want to divorce, will the other party agree? If entangled, it is not good for anyone.
Fourth, will the parents of both parties easily agree to let you divorce? Their feelings also need to be taken care of.
Fifth, the distribution of property is also a big problem. Who should the house belong to? If you lose your house, where do you live?
Of course, you can also cite many more. After analyzing one by one, you will find that divorce is not so easy, not to throw away the marriage certificate, you can roll up the package, love wherever you go.
Man will retreat in spite of difficulties. Since divorce is so difficult, it is better to live a good life and take a step back from the sea and the sky.
06
Life, live every day.
Whether you accept it or not, time will pass and love will change. The original beauty may be a flash in the pan.
Even if you have dozens of relationships, it will end up being trivial in life, without exception.
Love, after all, must be implemented to three meals a day, and deal with pots and pans.
Can't tolerate the pillow person, that's because there is a problem with the way you get along with him, take the initiative to change it, and the freshness in love will come.
Really, everyone needs to keep their love fresh.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.