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Wen 丨 Fish Daddy
1
I remember one time, at the dinner table of a relative's house.
Sitting with me was an old uncle from a relative's house.
Several acquaintances at the same table talked to the old man about his grandson.
"He's really changed now, not bad!"
"We met him some time ago and think he's working very seriously and will make a difference."
"Well, don't say it, I don't know what he looks like, he's almost 30 years old, and he can't get anywhere."
He said he didn't believe it.
I said to him, "You have to trust that he will change, because the family believes that he will change, and sometimes it will change." ”
"You have to give him some positive hints."
On that day, the old man's face was solemn, he drank a lot of wine, and felt that what we said made sense.
But the grandchildren are already so big, and what we are talking about will not be too big.
But the young parents here have a feeling.
They all agree that the power of this implication will have an indelible impact on the child's life.
Positive psychological cues, especially those who are particularly close to the child, such as parents, teachers, and relatives, these people give positive hints to the child, which will make the child burst out of positive energy, increase the child's confidence, and make the child feel safe and courageous.
2
We all have this experience.
When we are young, we hear what adults say about us.
Good reviews, bad reviews will be there.
But almost every kid will want a good review.
Every child has one such stage in their growth.
They will begin to evaluate themselves, which in terms of the development of psychology is the development of "self-concept".
And when does a person begin to form himself?
Psychological research is found to begin in infancy, and the most direct influence on people is the parents.
Parental behavior and verbal cues play a key role.
Positive psychological cues have a positive impact on the child; bad psychological cues have a negative impact on the child!
For example, many parents will say to other adults:
"How can my children be compared to your family, alas?"
"Be silly, be silly, born like this, no way!"
"This is his destiny, our family has no material to read!"
These negative hints will only destroy the child's confidence.
If you think about it, how sad would you be if you heard your parents say this about yourself?
There is a saying that the curse of loved ones will bring endless disasters.
If parents' cues to their children are always negative, the results are often tragic.
I remember having a playmate when I was a kid, and his mom went to town every time she saw us.
He would scold him: "I know how to play and play, just like your father, lazy and not out of breath." ”
He quickly ran away every time, and when he was young, no one cared.
But his mother kept beating him, even when we went to middle school.
His mother sometimes talked to other adults in the village about children.
They will say: "Our family is good after finishing middle school, poor grades, too lazy, and not smart!" ”
Once, when we said that, we happened to be waiting at their house for him to go out.
That time he put his mother's mouth on it, and then ran out crying.
Since then, he has not been with us when he went to school, but has been playing outside every day.
It was as if he was deliberately trying to off his mother.
The more his family wanted him to work, the more he hid.
The more the school warned him, the more he confronted him.
Once he said to us, "Anyway, my mother looks down on me, and I'm not a reader. ”
In the end, I really didn't read after graduating from high school, and then I did a small outside, and mixed with some people in the town.
If only his mother had encouraged him more and given him some positive hints instead of denying him.
What will happen to his life?
Unfortunately, growth cannot be repeated, and there are no ifs in life.
Psychologists have found that many adolescent children with strong rebellious psychology are often hit and denied by their parents at a young age, making them lose confidence in learning. As they grew older, their strength increased, but no one guided them to use the right place, and finally they developed a social hatred.
3
Too many parents like to label their children and often make mistakes inadvertently.
I couldn't detect it for a while, and I thought it was a joke or an unintentional remark.
But the child will take it seriously!
And by the time you realize it, your child may have been hurt.
If parents don't notice and change in time, they will let their children's self-concepts incorporate these labels you put on.
It affects their correct evaluation of themselves.
For example, there is a mother whose child is premature, and she has always protected the child well.
She felt that the child developed more slowly and was smaller than the children of the same age.
And feeling that the child was born prematurely, she felt indebted to the child.
So the child has to satisfy him with everything.
And as soon as he sees a child playing with other children, he is afraid that he will suffer losses.
Always stress to your child:
"You have little strength, don't fight with those children!" Mom bought it for you! ”
"You're not big, don't fight with people!" If someone hits you and tells Mom! ”
Usually, children are not allowed to run too fast, afraid of bumping, always say to children: "You are not in good health, run slower!" ”
She later found that the children were becoming increasingly unsociable.
It turned out that their own overprotectiveness made the child really become weak and closed.
In fact, in this situation, the mother needs to overcome this concept of "protection" and give the child some positive hints.
"Mom thinks you're running so fast!"
"You are really a powerful little man who can protect your mother!"
"Mom believes that you can have a good relationship with your friends and don't need your mother's help!"
This will make the child more confident.
Also in the original family, it is also necessary to add more positive hints.
Don't expose your child to that negative attitude.
For example, don't deny your partner in front of your child.
If you tell your child:
"Your dad has no brains, loves to be impulsive, and is not a reliable person!"
"Your dad is lazy and irresponsible, and you shouldn't be like him in the future!"
Or rather:
"Your mother loves money, you don't want to be like her!"
"Your mother is too selfish to care about the family, she knows she plays!"
Such words are not just about hurting a child's heart.
And it will make children unconsciously learn from their parents.
Because there is an inner sense of connection between the child and the parent, the child will become more and more like his parents.
Even end up becoming the one he hates, with the shortcomings of his parents.
You can tell your child more:
"You're just like Daddy, powerful and helpful!"
"You are as kind and loving as your mother!"
"You're just as trustworthy as Daddy!"
"You're just like your mother, you're serious about things!"
These positive hints will make the child work in this direction.
Desire to be as good as your parents.
The root cause of the child's deterioration or better is still in the parents.
Therefore, the most important thing to work on is the parents themselves.
4
In addition, you will find that children always actively seek praise and recognition.
Especially the desire to get the response from the most intimate people.
Many children have a strong motivation to overcome difficulties by the age of 2, hoping to gain praise from adults.
For example, we will see a 2-year-old child successfully assemble a small robot out of blocks, smile and raise his head, and tell his parents,
"Come and see! That's what I did. ”
Or maybe they find a recognizable word in a picture book, read it out loud, and point it out to their parents.
"I know how to pronounce this word!"
At this time, they are seeking praise from their parents.
If parents can give feedback right away, affirm the child's small achievements.
Hint that the child is really good, I believe you can build more interesting blocks.
I believe you can recognize more words yet, come on!
Such praise will give the child a positive hint.
They'll build confidence here.
I feel that I am really good at building blocks, and I can really recognize a lot of words and read a lot of books.
Such a self will definitely allow them to continue learning with a positive attitude.
From a psychological point of view, if the child is treated with a positive attitude and hinted at the child, the child may move in a positive direction; conversely, if there is a prejudice against the child, or if the child is always said negatively, the child is likely to develop in the opposite direction.
Therefore, instead of subjectively playing those labels, it is better to really accompany and guide children and discover their strengths.
At the right time, give your child a little encouragement and give positive cues in their hearts.
Please blame less, encourage more, and believe that you will get a good child.