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"If you want to destroy someone, give him a mobile phone is enough!" Many parents are increasingly unconvinced of the veracity of this statement. In the past, we thought that mobile phones would only affect adults, but in fact, with the popularity of the Internet, children have become a group that cannot be ignored in the use of mobile phones. Some children are playing with their mobile phones in class and even arguing with their parents for the sake of mobile phones, which makes countless parents feel sad.
The child is obviously determined to study well, but just ready to open the book, the mobile phone is like a sleeping magic, and will involuntarily brush the mobile phone, a few hours of golden time flashed by.
Parents do not understand, it is just a mobile phone, a few entertainment apps, a few childish games, how is it more important than their own future?
01Why are children reluctant to put down their mobile phones?
Fear of missing important news
There is a 15-year-old student who needs to use a mobile phone for online classes because of the epidemic. So he got his first smartphone. Since then, he has been fascinated by this tool that can communicate in time, constantly brushing his mobile phone every day, chatting with his classmates, and some times, sleeping less than 3 hours a day. By the time the parents found out, Xiao Bin had already suffered a stroke due to lack of oxygen in the brain.
Parents have long thought that the fear of missing out on important news is a concern that adults have. However, with the observation of the child, it was found that the child also had such thoughts. Children are even more worried than adults about "losing touch." Because if other people's messages can not be replied to in time, they will no longer be willing to make friends with themselves, and they will be isolated.
This is absolutely unacceptable to growing children. This subconscious behavior will make the child dependent on the mobile phone, even when studying, he will always think: Will a friend contact me? It was as if without a mobile phone, I was really isolated from the world.
The phone is not important, what is important is to play the game
Many students are addicted to playing games, and if they do not play games for a period of time, they will have symptoms such as restlessness, anxiety and irritability.
I know a junior high school student who hides in the bed and plays mobile phones every night in order to play games without being discovered by his parents. Who knows, it didn't take long for vision to deteriorate. However, this did not affect him to play with his mobile phone, every day or seize all the time to play, in his mother's words, "mobile phone is his lifeblood."
In fact, the child himself knows in his heart that this is a "plaything", but he just can't control himself, preferring to give up other group activities and hobbies, unable to reduce the game time.
The child even jokingly said, "If this is a disease, then I am already terminally ill."
Of course, there is a reason why children can't put down games. Skinner, a psychologist, once did an experiment with white rats: he placed a white rat next to a lever device. As long as the rat presses the lever, it will get food. Stimulated by the pleasure of the brain, the white rat actually pressed the lever more than 7,000 times in an hour.
Positive feedback prompts the child to repeat the previous action continuously. The child's progress in the game level after level will make him feel a sense of accomplishment, and he will continue to want to continue to break through, continuous action, feedback, pleasure, re-action, and then get feedback... This is one of the important reasons why children are addicted to gaming.
Of course, these two reasons are just two of the many reasons why children are reluctant to put down their phones, and there are many reasons why children can't leave their phones. However, for parents, in fact, the most worrying thing is that children will affect learning because of playing mobile phones. So, many parents are trying to find reasons why their children want to play with their phones as soon as they learn.
02Why do children want to play with their mobile phones whenever they mention learning?
Parents will think, "When it comes to learning, children want to play with their mobile phones?" "Obviously, I don't usually play much" "Is it because the child's self-control and self-discipline are too poor?" ”
Kids don't play with their phones because they're not self-disciplined
In fact, the child's dependence on mobile phones is not actually the embodiment of indiscipline, but the dopamine of the brain is "at work". During the manipulation of the phone, the brain secretes dopamine to reward the achievement of the goal, and the child will feel happy.
So, some kids don't play with their phones because of how much magic it has, it's just because they don't want to learn. They can't get fun in learning, they feel boring, so they can only turn their attention back to the mobile phone, and get a sense of pleasure and achievement in the mobile phone.
Endless Microblogs, endless small videos, endless WeChat messages... Everything seems to appeal to the child, simply because the content is far more interesting than learning, and it can get more pleasure.
Reading a book requires a lot of mental energy
There are also parents who have such confusion, why are children not sleepy when playing mobile phones, but they are sleepy when they read books? Parents feel that because their children do not want to learn, it has nothing to do with the mobile phone itself.
Parents' such ideas are also not right, children play mobile phones are not sleepy, reading books are sleepy, in fact, the main difference is not in the carrier, but because of the content of the problem. What does this mean?
Although the weight of the human brain is very light, it still needs to consume energy to operate. The vocabulary and logic in the book are relatively difficult, so if you want to understand the content of the book, you need to consume more energy.
There was once an experiment by a Stanford university scholar. He wrote two sentences, one of which was easy to understand, "We took the beer out of the carriage and it was still warm," and the other was illogically unrelated, "The picnic box has warm beer." The results showed that when the participants read the last sentence, they read the last sentence for 0.2 seconds longer than the previous sentence. The results of this experiment show that the more advanced knowledge, the more energy will be consumed.
Therefore, when the child reads carefully, the brain will be tired due to energy consumption, so it will suggest that the body needs to rest to restore physical fitness. When parents do not understand this principle, the superficial phenomenon seen is that children will be sleepy as long as they read books at the beginning.
During the consultation, I once met a senior in high school. In the first three months of the college entrance examination, he studied hard every day, and as a result, some symptoms appeared in his body. First he felt dizzy and nauseous, and then, as soon as he read seriously, he would want diarrhea, and his hair would fall out a lot. Later, the doctor gave the conclusion after the examination that he was not suffering from a serious disease, but because he did not eat and sleep on time under the high-intensity mental activity for a long time, and could not guarantee the supply of brain energy, so these symptoms appeared.
From this, it is not difficult to find that learning is really not an easy task. People are all interested in avoiding harm, we all want to choose a comfortable way to live, compared to the energy consumption of reading, brush mobile phone for brain energy demand is not so strong.
There is an article in Contemporary Biology that illustrates the collaborative relationship between mobile phones and the brain. Frequently touching the phone screen with your fingertips will suddenly increase the activity of the brain; and the shorter the interval between two touches, the more intense this pleasure will come.
When we read a book, we need to think about the brain, and occasionally need to memorize and record, this "time-consuming and laborious" experience, far from touching the fingers can make the brain feel happy to be relaxed. And this also explains why children are not tired when playing with mobile phones, and they can't hold on to books when they read.
Third, how to avoid mobile phones occupying learning time
Is it because of this that the child will not learn later? Of course not, but as parents, we need some appropriate ways to help children learn better, rather than because mobile phones take up learning time.
The first method is to help the child establish positive psychological cues
"I can't even quit my phone, what's the difference between that and waste?"
"Still playing with your phone? If you don't study, your whole life will be over."
"The future is going to be ruined on the phone"
In life, I have not only heard parents say this to their children, but I have also heard children say this to themselves. They will think that this is a way to motivate themselves to put down their phones and study well.
In fact, from a psychological point of view, these words are a kind of psychological cues. There are two kinds of psychological cues, one is positive and the other is negative. Many students use the aforementioned messages to spur and motivate themselves. Such a hint sounds like a "blast". However, over time, this extreme approach does not work well. In the long run, the child will lose confidence and become insensitive to this "bad language".
Therefore, if you want to motivate yourself, the right way is to give yourself a reasonable time plan and arrange the time for study and leisure in advance. For example, for every 40 minutes of study, you can take a 20-minute break. These 20 minutes can be used to brush Weibo or play games. In this way, on the one hand, the child's heart will not feel guilty, on the other hand, it can also relax without scruples. Moreover, children can also calmly give themselves psychological hints: "Mobile phones are not devils, but a pastime after we learn." ”
The second method is to teach the child to divert attention
Emotion is a force that needs to be channeled, not eliminated, and not suppressed. Parents should teach their children to live in peace with their emotions and not to blindly confront each other. If it is just confrontation, the effect may be counterproductive.
When we want our children to overcome the habit of overplaying their phones, we can try to help them divert their attention, not just "demonize" their phones. For example, parents can let their children play with their mobile phones. Parents first help their children find interesting learning APPS from their mobile phones, and then guide their children back to learning in life after they enter the learning state.
There is a point that parents need to pay attention to, that is, it is best not to start from the boring learning content of consolidating knowledge, but to start with interesting content, which also helps to cultivate children's interest in learning.
The third method is for children to know how to seek help from parents and classmates
When children feel that they can't control the temptations brought by mobile phones, they can actually ask their parents or classmates for help. For example, ask parents to set their phones to teen mode, or set a fixed amount of time each time. In addition, you can also abandon the smart phone and replace it with an elderly machine that only has the function of receiving and receiving calls.
If parents feel that this way will make the child feel forced, they can also let the child's classmates help to do this. For example, let the children team up with their classmates, play cards together to learn, and supervise each other. Not only can it increase the motivation to learn, but it can also promote friendships between children.
Teacher Lu Bei, national second-level psychological counselor, senior parenting teacher, university psychology teacher, Bao Mama; multi-platform contracted author, committed to using the most straightforward language to tell, let parents understand the most profound parenting knowledge, grow up with their children!