01
The mother-in-law in this world is always divided into two kinds, one is to see the son doing housework, immediately feel sad, and then turn the heartache for the son into the accusation and dissatisfaction of the daughter-in-law. One is to see his son doing housework, he can feel relieved in his heart, and feel that his son has grown up and knows how to shoulder the responsibility of the family.
Obviously, the second type of mother-in-law is more conducive to marriage and family life and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
It seems that the problem of spoiling the son too much is actually not so simple, including Mr. Qian Zhongshu in "Siege of the City" also said this kind of mother-in-law's psychology:
"Alas, now daughter-in-law, do you still want her to be filial to you?" There really isn't going to be. The home is ownerless, the broom is upside down, and the mess is messy, and the family has no real name. I am not a stubborn person, I always feel that the responsibility of women is to be a housekeeper, and now I want you to be filial to us, I have no such dream, you always have to serve your husbands to their satisfaction. ”
Notice one word: serve.
Yes, some mothers-in-law do not have an equal heart for their sons and daughters-in-law, and only think that the responsibility of daughters-in-law is to serve their sons, serve the family, or be a nanny at their disposal.
And those reasonable mothers-in-law can truly treat the daughter-in-law as a member of the family, recognize her as a member of the family, and respect her, understand her, and support her.
The same are women, what kind of husband do you want to have? Your son, who is your son, is also the husband of your daughter-in-law, so don't be so double-standard. Between women and women, at the very least, there should be an understanding: we are not appendages of marriage and family, but we are separated from the original family and re-establish a small family belonging to two people, and men and women have the same responsibilities and obligations.
02
Xu Na (pseudonym) complains that her husband is completely a hand-thrower, and feels good about herself, feeling that she has returned from the outside with money, which can be regarded as a perfect husband. For family affairs, it is basically not asked, how much can it be exaggerated? As a father of two children, he can't even change his children's diapers.
Busy outside, even if you are busy, back home, the oil bottle is not helped, when the child is still young, it takes less than three minutes to hold the child to find a mother.
Even if the child fell in front of him, he had to shout at Xu Na in the room: "Wife, wife, hurry up, the son has fallen." ”
Sometimes I also understand my husband, thinking that he will earn money to support his family, although he has not let himself live a life of great wealth and wealth, but he also has no worries about food and clothing. But when it comes to emotions, I feel that I have been wronged, he is hard, but he is harder and busier.
Therefore, this is also what Xu Na often said to her husband: "A family is not completely supported by money." ”
What is even more angry is the attitude of the mother-in-law, always biased towards her own son, not objective and fair at all. Every time we talk about these things, the mother-in-law either does not speak, or she turns to her son and says, "He is just spoiled by us, what should I do?" You have to be more responsible, and the woman who is a woman is within the supervisor. ”
Until once, the mother-in-law said directly in front of Xu Na: "Men do big things outside, and they can do no housework." ”
At that time, Xu Na couldn't help it, and replied lukewarmly: "I don't want to do or can't do small things, and I still want to do big things?" Which big thing is not composed of small things, all day long dream of ascending to the sky, no small things as steps, even if you can fly up, you have to fall down. Besides, if he didn't ask about everything in the family for so many years, what big things did he accomplish? Did you make a big contribution to society, or did you change a few apartments at home? ”
After listening to the daughter-in-law's counterattack, it was in place.
Through this incident, Xu Na also seriously considered the nature of her husband's not doing housework, it seems that she is spoiled by her mother-in-law, in fact, she just "inherits" her mother-in-law's thoughts, believing that housework and family are women's business, so how can men do women's work?
It is also a toxic family system, reflecting the tilt of the position of men and women in the marriage and family, and is by no means a truly loving and respectful family. When one day you have no value, or do not obey their ideological arrangements, real contradictions and crises arise.
03
I've seen a video before, and I think the content is very good, saying:
"If you don't sweep a house, why sweep the world, you are all higher than the sky, the following four words I dare not say." Those who have lofty aspirations have long-term aspirations, and those who have no aspirations often aspire, but what is the use of making aspirations? So students, you must remember my words, do not look at this mountain to the height of that mountain, it is useless. ”
A man who can be serious about small things, behind it greatly proves that he is pragmatic and pragmatic, all the impetuousness, this can not be seen, that can not be seen, all day long feel that they are the people who do big things, big things can not be done, small things can not be done well.
In other words, it is because it is too much to pursue the result and not to focus on the process.
What is a big deal? It's hard to have an accurate definition, and in a way, you can do what you should do, do what you need to do, and that's what you've done.
Housework, family affairs are small things, but also hide the sense of responsibility of men, for their own responsibilities, if there is a situation of escape, then in the process of achieving great things, will also deliberately escape some hard parts, resulting in the opposite of what they want.
Another, a man who can't balance family, couples, and marital relationships has limited wisdom. Therefore, whether it is a husband or a mother-in-law, you can't just force one party to work hard, and the meaning of husband and wife is also to support each other, share with each other, and take care of each other.
When you are hard, your wife also bears different hardships at home, and when you come home after a busy day, see what you can do to help, maybe she will be more considerate of you. Women are like this, you make her feel warm, she can return your double warmth, you make her feel pain, she can also bring you double the pain, she brings you, you bring her.
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