Bavary Nix said, "Marriage is a book, the first chapter is written in psalms, and the rest is plain prose." ”
For marriage, the concept of the older generation is that the temper and disposition of two people are familiar, and it is good to repair and repair when they encounter problems; and now people's concepts are to change when there is a problem, so why should they be wronged?
But life is not as simple as you think, and it is not a change of person who can solve the problems in marriage. Sometimes for different people, the same problem will become more and more intense, and it will not end.
The marriage between Ms. Chen and Mr. Ding was lit up with a red light, and Ms. Chen squeezed into this relationship in the state of Mr. Ding's established marriage.
Mr. Ding's financial situation is very good, And Ms. Chen squeezed out the original match that should have lived the life of a rich wife, but why did the marriage have frequent problems, and she also suffered from severe depression?
In fact, from the beginning of the marriage of the two people did not have a good start, when Ms. Chen was happy to zhang Luo's wedding, due to the intervention of Mr. Ding's mother, the first married Ms. Chen silently moved into the Ding family without any ceremony.
Marriage itself is a very simple thing, and the complexity is people. As a result, marriages made up of people become complicated.
And the marriage that is not so simple and mixed with too many factors is even more contradictory.
In fact, why is it so difficult to be happy in a marriage stolen from the original match? The focus is not on cause and effect, but on these three points. These three reasons are also the source of Ms. Chen's depression.
Contradictions caused by the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law:
The contradiction between Ms. Chen and her mother-in-law was planted as early as when the wedding was not held. After entering the marriage, this seed seems to be about to sprout and blossom.
Ms. Chen said that her mother-in-law often called her ex-wife's name to herself, and Mr. Ding explained that it is common for the elderly to forget things. Ms. Chen asked very gloomily, "Don't you think she meant it?" ”
At the same time, Ms. Chen also complained that no one in Mr. Ding's family was willing to accept herself and her son.
The family dinner never called them mother and son, even if they took the initiative to invite their mother-in-law to come to the reunion during the New Year's Festival, the mother-in-law would say: It is too much trouble, so they will eat well in their own home.
All of this is unacceptable to Ms. Chen, but even if others treat herself, she can tolerate it. What pained her most was Mr. Chen's attitude towards his son.
Balance between ex-wife and her children and current relationship:
Ms. Chen feels that her husband's treatment of the two children is completely different, and her eccentricity is particularly obvious.
Ms. Chen's concept is that since Mr. Ding has formed a new family, he must devote himself to taking care of the new family and his newborn children, so that everything else will become a thing of the past.
Ms. Chen said that Mr. Ding was very harsh when he talked to his son, sometimes without a title, and directly said that I told you that thing could not be played. As for the daughter, it is a completely different state, and the baby's has been hanging on the lips.
When his son was young, Mr. Ding did not care, and when he held his son, he was either playing with his mobile phone or watching TV. At this point, Mr. Ding retorted:
"I spend ten times more time with my son than with my daughter, and I'm better for my daughter, what's wrong?" You often ask me if I want my daughter or do I want you and my son, who is forcing whom? Is it good that I don't leave any property to my daughter, but to my son?
The problems of the two parties involved in the marriage themselves:
After that, Ms. Chen said, I mind the relationship between you and your daughter, in essence, because of the disconnect between you and your ex-wife.
Afterwards, Ms. Chen told us about a detail of their lives:
"Once he drank too much and said a sentence that I will never forget, he said that if it wasn't for my mother and them, my ex-wife and I would never have divorced."
After that, Ms. Chen ran out with her luggage, and Ms. Chen said that she thought Mr. Ding would call him or chase him out, but there was none. It was very cold in the early hours of October in Beijing, and she finally boarded the plane alone with her luggage.
Mr. Ding explained to us that he was drunk at the time and did not know that Ms. Chen was out of the door, and when she woke up and called her, Ms. Chen did not answer the phone at all.
Ms. Chen said, how do you want me to answer the phone, your mother called me in front of me, saying that your ex-wife's car scraped, you went over there to deal with it. You don't come to me, run to your ex-wife, how do I feel? How does it feel?
Mr. Ding said that it was because the child who crashed was frightened, and after you and I were together, you ran with your luggage, at least four times.
The two men argued, and Ms. Chen said she had a depression attack and did not want to hear Mr. Ding's voice. Mr. Ding said that his ability to bear is also limited, this 8 million I give you, we divorced.
It turned out that the two people would sign a divorce agreement every time they quarreled, and the 8 million yuan breakup fee was promised by Mr. Ding before.
Originally Mr. Ding came to the show to ask for reconciliation, and finally the two people made trouble to the point of proposing a divorce, the mediator obviously felt that the two people actually did not want to divorce, so he suggested that both parties temporarily ease their emotions, and then mediate when the mood is stable, and a farce is temporarily over.
In fact, in this relationship, both men and women have their own problems, let me briefly analyze it:
Don't understand marriage, avoid responsibility
As a man, Mr. Ding is undoubtedly irresponsible in the face of marriage. He doesn't understand what marriage is, and as far as the previous marriage and the current marriage are concerned, his way of coping is uniform: if he can't figure it out, he will divorce.
Neither the relationship between his wife and his mother, nor the relationship between himself and his ex-wife, he has no good way to define and solve it, and the result of evasion can only be to let the problem grow to the point of being unmanageable.
A responsible man will give women the security they deserve and will be responsible for the marriage they are in. When a man encounters problems in marriage, it is difficult to find comfort in the outside world, and it is difficult to get a good result.
Suspicion is heavy and reckless
For Ms. Chen, it is immoral to intervene in someone else's marriage, and even if you get what you want, you will be eaten by life.
Why is Ms. Chan suspicious? Why is there a lack of security and too much nervousness about Mr. Ding's behavior?
Suspicion is heavy, and it is called "psychological feeling reproduction" in psychology.
Ms. Chen herself and Mr. Ding got into a relationship when the other party already had the fact of marriage, so her heart could not guarantee whether others had the same thoughts and behaviors as her.
Therefore, Ms. Chen vainly tries to grasp everything around her, as long as she stares at Mr. Ding like a life-saving straw, only Mr. Ding is within her field of vision and control, she can feel at ease.
Ms. Chen's recklessness means that she chooses to carry her suitcase and leave when she quarrels. Maybe the first few times the other party chased out, but if the other party did not chase, do not recover the situation, how to end?
Ms. Chen must be biased towards the other party's psychological preparation, but many times, this is not the case. In the end, you will put yourself in an embarrassing situation and lose the price.
Misjudgment by reasoning, self-inflicted harm
From the context of the development of this matter, Ms. Chen is a very emotional person, of course, perhaps affected by her depression, she has a lot of logical problems.
And those misjudgments in reasoning have made Ms. Chen fall into a point where she can't extricate herself, and in the process of reasoning, she constantly finds her own anger.
She sees an action, a thing will be subjectively deduced, and when she makes this inference, she will be subject to a lot of emotional domination. And when the conclusion comes, she will find more so-called facts to support her conclusion.
For example, Mr. Ding loves his daughter and does not love his son, for example, Mr. Ding's feelings for himself are false, and so on.
When Ms. Chen takes these conclusions as facts, these extreme judgments repeatedly stimulate her nerves. Take reasoning as life, and the days will be messed up.
Women must be cautious when making choices, one wrong step, one wrong step.
Many times what you think of as true love is just a means for the other party to retreat to the second place, to protect themselves and escape from reality.
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[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]