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There is nothing more painful between people than to suffer annoyance and damage in a place where you think you deserve kindness and friendship. - Rabelais, "The Legend of the Giants"
Emotional betrayal is the most hurtful. Especially the people you have loved deeply, the people you have believed in, suddenly betrayed you, subverted your cognition and expectations, and will make you feel pain.
This kind of problem can sometimes be prevented before it happens, and if you don't deal with people who betray you, you won't be hurt. But sometimes it is impossible to prevent it, and the person you think you can trust, the person you love, becomes the person who hurts you.
This kind of problem often occurs in love and marriage, because loving a person is too blind, so as to unconditionally trust him and treat him as the closest person, and as a result, the closest person betrays you, and the resulting psychological gap of "I never thought that the person who betrayed me was him" will carve a deep scar in your heart.
The following woman has had such an experience, her encounter is more serious than the above situation, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
People often say that people should be relaxed, not too tight, otherwise it is easy to be physically and mentally exhausted.
The reason is true, but many times, there is really no way to relax, otherwise life may have problems when you relax.
For example, when dealing with marriage, if you are too relaxed and think that everything will run on a normal track, there will be many problems invisibly, of which "betrayal" is the most common problem.
I have had this experience, thinking that I have met true love, thinking that I can sit back and relax after marrying him, so I trust him unconditionally, thinking that he will consciously manage himself and will not do anything sorry for me.
And he betrayed me during the time I was relaxing, and I didn't know it after living with someone else for a long time.
I did a very stupid thing at that time, I didn't think he would intentionally betray me, I thought he must have been fascinated by the three girls, so he launched the "protector" action, pulled his girlfriend and went with me to find the three girls to settle the account.
I pointed at her nose and scolded, "You're a slut, don't bother my husband!" ”
And guess what? I was kind enough to protect my husband, but I was bitten back, no, to be exact, I was bitten back twice.
First my husband bit me back: "You are a slut!" Why are you leading so many people to make me ugly? I really want to hand you a mirror and show you what you look like a shrew! ”
Then the third girl bit back at me: "I really should hand her a mirror and let her see her old and yellow appearance, a yellow-faced woman in her thirties is so arrogant, it really makes people laugh out of their teeth!" She can't control her own man, but blame others for robbing her husband, it's ridiculous! I didn't rob your husband, he had to kneel and lick me, I was a weak woman with no chicken power, what can I do? ”
So angry that I didn't bother to care if it was a shrew or not, I rushed up and slapped her twice, and if it wasn't for my goddamn husband stopping me, I wouldn't have stopped.
Then I cried, too wronged and too sad, he betrayed me, and even joined forces with the three girls to humiliate me, how could he become like this? Why did he do this to me?
My girlfriends told me, "Whatever it is, they are not kind to you, you are unjust to them, as long as you want to retaliate against them, we will help you!" ”
The key moment is still my sisters are reliable, so that I can calm down and know what I should do.
I will not talk about the specific details, it is nothing more than a calculation: since they do not want to give faces, then I do not need to care about their faces, so that their colleagues in the company and relatives and friends are well known, they will naturally fail.
To be honest, this is not the result I want to see, I just want my marriage to have more smooth things and less bad things. This time, even if it is, it is already like this, and nothing can be changed. I just want to tighten my nerves and guard against betrayal in my future marriage, maybe this way I can go smoothly!
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The reader's experience was heartbreaking, but her thoughts were somewhat extreme.
She was too relaxed in her previous marriage, and after being hurt, she said that she would tighten her nerves in future marriages, and although her ideas were good, such a state was not good.
Whether it's work, life, or marriage, relaxation and tension are not either/or, because these are two extremes. If something goes wrong with this extreme, you jump to that extreme, and if that extreme goes wrong, where do you go?
What she should cultivate is the "neutralization" of the two extreme states, tight in the loose, tight in the loose, and the tightness is in order to have the best effect.
From the perspective of running a marriage alone, you must not be too relaxed, because marriage gives you many responsibilities and obligations, and you must not be too relaxed. Of course, it can't be too tight, because marriage is not your own business, and many things do not have to be done at once.
If a marriage is to be happy, it is not enough to pay attention to it from the perspective of the above-mentioned management of marriage, but also to choose the right person.
If you marry the wrong person, no matter how rationally you adjust the slack, the marriage will still have problems. Only when you marry the right person and two people manage the marriage together in a relaxed and measured state can you have happiness to speak of.
As for what kind of people are right and what kind of people are wrong, you need to take the time to understand and verify. As long as you don't blindly think you've met true love, as long as you don't dream once and for all, it's easy to tell who really loves you.