I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
Shakespeare's Hamlet: "Survival or destruction is a question worth pondering." ”
"Survival and destruction" in the narrow sense refers to life and death, while "survival and destruction" in the broad sense can be all-encompassing, which can be success or failure, pros and cons, or persistence and abandonment.
The reason why this is a question worth thinking about is because different choices will correspond to different outcomes. No one wants "destruction", they all want good results. However, good results are not something you can get by making random choices, you need to analyze the results of different choices.
The reason why some people will "destroy" is because when they behave and do things, they do not consider the consequences, but they just think that they will not be wrong, no matter whether their words and deeds are reasonable, whether their words and deeds will be disgusting, and they only care about their own willful actions, so that they get tragedy, they cannot blame others.
Whether a marriage should begin, and whether a marriage should continue, can be used as a "survival or destruction" choice. The winner is always the one who makes the right decision after serious thinking, and the loser is the one who makes the wrong decision recklessly.
The following reader mentioned the question of his ex-girlfriend, which is the question of "survival or destruction", let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I have always heard people say that children are always the best in the eyes of their parents. I used to believe in this view, and it wasn't until my mom started urging marriage that I realized that the truth wasn't that optimistic.
This is a very sad discovery. Used to hearing my mother praise me, I thought I would always have a good image in her mind, but she belittled me and looked down on me when I urged marriage, and I was particularly hurt.
She always compares me to the worst person I know: "If you don't get married, you'll end up marrying a very ugly and incompetent wife like that person." ”
I can't help her and go on a blind date, she will do everything before I go on a blind date, either because my clothes are not good-looking, or because I think there is something wrong with my looks. Even she looks down on me, how can I have the heart to go on a blind date?
When the blind date was yellow, she scolded me and demeaned me to nothing: "Who do you think you are?" Rich and handsome? Someone who is willing to marry you is already an ancestral accumulation of virtue, and you are even willing to pick and choose! You're not good, and what's so picky? As long as the woman is not bad, you have to find a beautiful person to marry, can people look at you? ”
The tone of her speech, and what she said, made me sick! I am her son, and it is chilling that she should belittle me in such a way and disrespect my wishes at all.
After that, she forced me to marry a woman, saying that the person was a good woman she thought was best suited to marry me, saying that she had been privately engaged to me, and even the amount of the gift was finalized.
I had a fight with her, and in the end I only won the right to "get along for a while and then talk".
As a result, the woman who my mother said was very good, but said to me: "300,000 gifts is not enough for my brother to buy a house, give me another 200,000!" If you don't pay for my brother to buy a house, I'll divorce you! Anyway, your mother begged me to marry you, and it was your mother who lost your marriage! ”
I hate this kind of person who treats marriage as a deal because I am poor and crazy, and I refuse her request, which inevitably leads to a scolding from my mother. She actually felt that the woman's request was reasonable, and even supported the woman to treat marriage as a transaction, thinking that a bad man like me could only marry smoothly if he unconditionally met all the requirements of the woman.
I ran away from home in a huff, and I was fed up with the family atmosphere. I don't have the luxury of asking her to hold me up, but at least I can't look down on me, otherwise I will be passively married in a devastated situation, and then no matter what goes wrong, I will blame it.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Being an upright person, but being looked down upon by parents and siblings because she is not married, is really sad and disgusting.
Affection and family should have been the backing of a person's life, it should have been the minimum warmth in this world, if even this warmth between relatives can not be kept, family affection will lose its meaning, whether it remains in the hand is meaningless.
Combined with the reader's experience, his choice of affection and his mother's haphazard marriage are questions worth pondering.
The kind of marriage he is facing should indeed be abandoned, otherwise he will never be happy, not only will he be suppressed by his mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but as he said, no matter what problems occur in the marriage, he will be blamed. Such a marriage, and his mother's so-called kindness, did nothing to him and was harming him.
In addition, the relationship between him and his mother, if the results of the normal communication method cannot be communicated, it is indeed necessary to take some slightly extreme measures, otherwise his mother will never realize that "humiliating her son" is a big mistake. This kind of thing cannot be done because she is a mother, and if she insists on going her own way, she will ultimately suffer herself.