01
What is the marriage relationship most afraid of? When it comes to this problem, many people will think that the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in fact, is more terrible than the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, or the contradiction between husband and wife.
Marriage relationship, the most feared is that one party has love and the other party does not.
If both husband and wife love each other deeply, naturally everything will be for each other's sake, and such a day is not bad.
And if both husband and wife do not love each other, if there is a conflict, at most it is one shot and two scatters, and at most some money is lost, but it will not be sad and sad, and it will not be able to extricate itself.
The most feared thing is that one party gives all its efforts, and the other party not only does not appreciate it, but also calculates everywhere, if it is really a true heart to meet such a person, it must be hurtful and sad in the end.
02
Xiaoxia is particularly good to her boyfriend when she is in love, during college, it is generally boys waiting for girls downstairs, Xiaoxia is just the opposite, she is waiting for boys downstairs.
A sister in a dormitory often advised her to be a little more reserved, let the boys pay more, and then know how to cherish. But Xiao Xia's emotional road has not been very smooth, talked about the airport love are sloppy ending, Xiao Xia has always felt that the problem is in himself, is that he was too high and cold before, and now it is difficult to meet a favorite, but you have to grasp it well.
Friends can't persuade them not to move, but everyone thinks that Xiao Xia's relationship will not last long, but no one expected that after graduation, they would actually get married.
In fact, the process of marriage is not smooth, and in the end, this marriage can be married, all relying on Xiao Xia's tolerance.
People often have a misunderstanding, that is, they think that the fulfillment of their wishes in stages is an eternal victory. Xiao Xia was no exception, she thought that marriage was the destination of happiness, until later, she understood that marriage is just the beginning.
Xiao Xia's husband found a bad job after graduation, the salary is not much and no less, just enough to spend on his own, so every time he goes out to eat and watch movies, it is Xiao Xia who spends money, and after a long time, Xiao Xia will also complain, saying that he has never seen a husband who does not spend money on his wife.
Every time Xiao Xia's husband righteously replied: "It is you who want to eat, you want to watch a movie, and it is not my request, I can accompany you is already very good, not to mention that when you were in love before, wasn't it like this?" ”
Every time we talk about this, we have to disperse unhappily, and Xiao Xia really can't find any reason to refute her husband.
Before going to college, her husband had been a soldier for several years, and there were many friends in the army, and every once in a while he would go out to get together, Xiao Xia was not unwilling for her husband to go out, but every party was spent by her husband, which made Xiao Xia less satisfied.
And the husband feels that his comrade-in-arms is a very important person, he is willing to spend money, and it is not Xiao Xia's money that is spent, and Xiao Xia has no reason to care.
This sounded awkward, but there was nothing wrong with it, Xiao Xia was unhappy and did not know how to return to her husband. Until one day Xiao Xia went shopping with her husband, saw a dress, and wanted her husband to buy it for herself, but her husband was unwilling, Xiao Xia found that in her husband's heart, she may not be as important as his comrades-in-arms.
This realization made Xiao Xia grumpy for a long time, she began to doubt her husband's feelings for her, and did not know how to verify, directly asking seems not to be very good, Xiao Xia can only hold in her heart.
The days are still the same, and nothing unpleasant happens again, Xiao Xia feels that maybe her husband is such a lukewarm person, wasn't this also the case when he was in school before? There's nothing to be unhappy about.
So Xiao Xia is still as good as ever to her husband, and suddenly one day her husband bought a ticket to other cities, and only said to Xiao Xia that he would not go home for a few days and left.
Confused, Xiaoxia Xiaoxia was worried about her husband and wanted to contact her husband to ask for clarification, only to find that the phone had long been turned off. I contacted many of my husband's friends, and finally learned from a friend of my husband that my husband had gone to find an ex-girlfriend.
"Sister-in-law, I really can't look at it anymore, you are so good to my brother, but he doesn't deserve you to do this to him, he married you because of his mother's urging to marry, he personally said to us, marry everyone the same." 」 The words of his friend were still in his ears, and Xiao Xia's mood could not be calmed for a long time.
The husband's ex-girlfriend, it is said that the husband really loved the person, this time is also because the ex-girlfriend lost love, the husband traveled thousands of miles to visit her, accompany her, the husband has never been so delicate to himself.
Over the years, even if he was sick and hospitalized, his husband never came to the hospital to accompany him, and after getting married, he was embarrassed to even say a word.
In the past, Xiaoxia just felt that her husband did not love to express, until now she understood that her husband did not love, but did not love himself.
Even so, Xiao Xia was still reluctant to do so, so after her husband returned, Xiao Xia did not mention anything about this matter, she did not think about how to deal with the relationship, and she could not face her failed love.
Depressed in his heart, always to vent, after that day, Xiao Xia, no matter what he looks at, he asks her husband to buy it for herself, and if she doesn't buy it, she will make trouble, so as to fill her inner sadness.
For this reason, she quarreled with her husband many times, and in his eyes, she became mercenary and unreasonable. Just when her husband couldn't stand Xiao Xia, Xiao Xia's mother-in-law fell ill, saying that what was oppressing the nerves of the lumbar spine was suddenly paralyzed and needed to be taken care of for a long time.
This burden naturally fell on Xiao Xia and her husband. The husband calculated that he would have to hire a nurse for three or four thousand a month, and it was difficult to say whether he could take good care of his mother, so he proposed to let Xiao Xia resign to take care of his mother.
Xiao Xia naturally disagreed, not to mention that her relationship with her husband was precarious, and Xiao Xia had to think about it just by resigning. Xiao Xia's hesitation angered her husband, and that day they quarreled again: "Don't you just want money?" Can I give you ten thousand a year? Nor did it make you serve in vain, what are you not happy about? "
Xiao Xia laughed self-deprecatingly, if it was his ex-girlfriend, he must not be willing to say so, right?
Xiao Xia finally chose to divorce, and this marriage should be a dream.
03
Some feelings, from the beginning, are wrong, afraid that we are immersed in the beautiful dreams we have woven, even if we are wrong, we are not willing to wake up.
First: calculation is the greatest harm to the feelings of husband and wife.
We often hear that some people choose to get married for some reason.
For example, when you are old, it is time to have a child; for example, if your parents are too anxious, just find one; for example, you need to find a stepmother for your child; for example, you need to find a daughter-in-law to take care of your parents; for example, if you want to demolish your home, marry a daughter-in-law and have more children; for example, many, many.
If there must be a reason for marriage, then that reason must be love, not all kinds of calculations.
The essence of marriage is that two people with the same three views, have common goals, and love each other spend the rest of their lives together.
The three views determine the attitude of two people in dealing with things, and there will be no contradictions in major matters because of different opinions.
The common goal determines the same planning of two people, and the expectation of the future is a common direction for a long life.
Love is the preservative of marriage, no matter what disputes occur between two people, as long as there is love in their hearts, they can be quickly resolved, and they will not let those contradictions accumulate in their hearts and wait for them to erupt.
But if they get married for a reason, most people can't even do the above one, and the reason why they maintain marriage is only to satisfy their own selfish desires.
If you marry for the sake of children, then the marriage can only rely on the children to maintain, if the children do not obey, the husband and wife will only blame and complain to each other, such a marriage, not only will not be happy, but also hurt the children a lot.
If it is because of the demolition and marriage, then the careful thinking of both husband and wife does not have to guess, such a marriage only has the interest side, and the marriage that is "bought" will not last long.
And if in the marriage, one party pays the truth, but the other party plays a small calculation, such a marriage is most likely to end dismal.
Therefore, if you want to live happily in the second half of your life, you must polish your eyes and never fall into the trap of "emotional cheaters".
Second: Couples who do not know how to empathize are difficult to get happy.
When married, husband and wife are a whole, not only to rely on each other, but also to advance and retreat together.
However, some people, even if they are married, only have themselves in their hearts, and do not put each other in their hearts at all, so that they hurt each other's hearts, and even this marriage cannot be saved.
Speaking of which, couples still have to know how to think in empathy, and those who only think of themselves are mostly not paying real feelings.
Like Xiao Xia's husband above, getting married is not his wish, and naturally he does not want to spend too much effort on his wife, and he never considers his wife's feelings when he does anything.
The mother is more important than the wife, the ex-girlfriend is more important than the wife, the comrade-in-arms is more important than the wife, he never cared about the wife's thoughts, he would only stab the wife again and again.
But whenever he has the slightest affection for his wife, he will not desperately go to his ex-girlfriend, and even his friends can't see what he has done to his wife, but he doesn't know it.
Even if the divorce ends in the end, in his heart, he still feels that it is his wife's problem.
Therefore, in this marriage, Xiao Xia's husband is not happy, not all the harm to others can be exchanged for his own inner joy, he and Xiao Xia are just hurting each other.
So many marriages are wrong from the beginning, many people only cling to themselves from the beginning, never see others pay, always pick the wrong marriage, and what happiness can be said?
Text/No Pen