Text/Du Yanxin Source: Simple Psychology (xinli01)
The things in the relationship, every inadvertent detail, are the answers.
I guess when you really like someone, you want to know each other better through chat, you will be interested in inquiring about his information, and you will be extra sensitive to what others say about him.
Don't ask me why I know you so well? Because these manifestations are usually subconscious behaviors of people.
If at the beginning of a relationship, you will not be too concerned about the convenience of using your feelings as a game.
Whether it is a husband and wife or a lover, if the other party never asks you these 4 things, it means that he does not have you in his heart at all, and you should reconsider your relationship.
-01-
Never ask your "emotions"
If one never asks you about your emotions, what does that mean?
It shows that he doesn't care about you at all.
A while ago, Ling Ling, who was "in love with the brain", broke up with PengGe.
You must know that LingLing is basically obedient to Pengge, and will make him food after work.
One night, Lingling, who had a heavy cold, was lying on the bed, and PengGe shouted, "I'm hungry, make me a supper." ”
Looking back on the love affair with Pengge, I paid so much, but I couldn't even get a word of care? Ling Ling's emotions fell to the bottom, and tears fell.
"Grinding and rubbing, love to do not do!" Peng Ge was angry.
I would like to say that people who really love you will be pulled by your emotions and are deeply afraid that you will be wronged a little.
And the person who does not have you in his heart, he is afraid to avoid taking care of your emotions. Because for him it's a waste of energy, let alone a sense of your mood changes.
Not being there when you need companionship the most, or being apathetic and apathetic when you need comfort the most, lacking patience and understanding.
He has a hard time noticing your emotional needs, or even rejecting your emotional expressions or intimate behaviors, leaving you tired and disappointed.
What's worse is that some people still treat you as an emotional trash can and pour all the negative energy into you.
A British investigation revealed a poignant truth:
25% of couples spend less than 10 minutes a day communicating; 40% completely ignore their partner because they are too busy at work; and 25% can't remember the last time two people chatted together without panic.
Most people are self-conscious in order to live, and people who can take care of your emotions must care about you.
You are happy he rejoices, you are sad that he is anxious.
When you have a conflict with him, he will not turn a blind eye, and will not be cold and violent to you, but will take the initiative to communicate with you and urgently find a way to solve the problem.
-02-
Never ask about your "past"
"Although I can't participate in your past, I am eager to learn about your past experiences and to know the more complete you." 」
This is the inner OS of the people who care about you.
The American psychology master Satya believes that a person is inextricably linked to his original family, and this connection may affect his life.
Therefore, to accept a person is to accept his past and the influence of his original family.
People who love you must want to know your original family, growth experience and living environment:
What kind of family do you live in, and how do your parents get along?
Are your parents strict with you and what kind of person do you want you to be?
What was the difference between the happiest and saddest thing when I was a child?
Are there any contacts with friends when I was a student, and who have been acquainted with them the longest?
What type of ex is it and why did you break up?
He won't care about your past failures, but he will feel sorry for the hurts you've suffered.
He wants to know why you hurt and why you are crying. In this way, he can avoid making the same mistakes himself, can better care for you, and warm your heart that has been invaded by wind and rain.
There is such a pair of lovers, the boy feels that they hate each other late, so they browse the circle of friends sent by the girl several times.
When he turned to a circle of friends of girls many years ago who "worked hard in a foreign land and worked overtime until the early hours of the morning to miss home", he wrote, "How nice it was that I could be with you at that time."
On the contrary, the person who does not have you in his heart, he is not interested in your past, does not want to ask and listen, he is only with you for a moment of passion, that is, a companion in a lonely and empty time.
-03-
Never ask your "everyday"
I was deeply impressed by the words of a reader: "If you like a person, you always feel that she is the stupidest person under the heavens, and you need to take care of her everywhere." ”
Love, in itself, is a kind of heartache, and it will also make you better.
People who love you will take the initiative to ask you about your daily work and life, what problems you have encountered today, how well you have done your work, whether you have been wronged, and what happy or sad things you have encountered.
In addition to working harder, he will also exchange experiences with you on work, share insights and suggestions, and solve your confusion for you.
Instead of being indifferent to oneself, caring is treated as trouble.
Cai Kangyong said: "My indifference comes from the fact that things that have nothing to do with me are less annoying to me, and I have to leave my energy to solve the things that are important to me." ”
The person who loves you will never be absent from your life.
He will think about you, can't help but care about your daily life, ask long and short questions about your life, try to understand everything thoroughly, and will also take the initiative to help you bear it.
The more a person loves you, the more reluctant he is to let you face difficulties alone, and he will do his best to make you suffer less in life.
And those who do not have you in their hearts will definitely not do anything more.
If he only cares about being ambiguous with you, staying ate and drinking, or only talking about himself, he doesn't care about your work life.
It must not be that he thinks you are independent and powerful, but that you do not have much weight in his heart.
-04-
Never ask your "plan"
The famous American psychologist Sternberg's "love triangle theory" believes that good love is composed of 3 basic elements: passion, intimacy and commitment.
A person who truly loves you will carefully plan your future and give you a steady commitment. As the saying goes, "I can't participate in your past, and I will accompany you to the end of your future."
If a person never asks you about your future plans, it is because he has never thought about developing with you for a long time.
When in love or before marriage, we must pay attention to each other's three views, and we cannot rush to think of solving them after marriage.
Only when two people decide one thing together and participate in one thing together can they feel their place and sense of participation in the relationship.
The more people who love you, the more they know how to respect you:
Regarding the place of residence, where you want to live after marriage, whether you live with your parents, and if it is a long-distance relationship, whether one of them can go away from relatives and friends to live in the other's city.
Regarding work, learn about each other's goals for ten years and see how it will affect their lives. If marriage requires giving up some of its career ideals, whether it is willing to accept it or not, and to what extent it is acceptable to give up.
About children, when you want children, how to take children after marriage, how to arrange the cost of children, what kind of education you hope your children will be in the future...
These are all issues that the two sides need to seriously discuss to see if there are major differences of opinion, how to run in, and so on.
People who love you don't see commitment as a huge pressure, will give you enough security, will put aside unrealistic fantasies, and desire to integrate into each other's families and plan with you to have your future.
All of this is what his heart desires.
There is a saying:
"The most extravagant person in the world is the one who is willing to take the time for you. Whoever has time is valuable, and giving it to you is equivalent to giving you your own world. ”
The two sexes get along, and if they want to know if a person has a place in their hearts, it depends on whether he will seriously ask you these four things.
If the other party never asks you these four things, then you don't have to linger.
Because of good feelings, you need to spend time with each other.
No amount of earthy love words are as deep as the four words "on your heart".
- END -
*Image source: petal net, sugar net
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