The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a problem that has not been solved for thousands of years, men have listened to headaches, women have encountered collapses, and it seems that no matter how hard they try, this problem cannot be solved.
In the TV series "Dear Child", Xiao Lu, played by Qin Hao, is already a very good man in the eyes of netizens, caring for his wife, accommodating his mother, and being very active in dealing with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but he did not expect that the contradiction between Fang Yinuo (played by Ren Suxi) and his mother-in-law was still like tightening the bow string, which was about to erupt! What did Xiao Lu do wrong? What is the root cause of the problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?
In fact, if you think about it, you will find that although Xiao Lu's starting point is good, the ending has not developed in the direction he wants, because he has three things wrong, which is also a mistake that most men will make.
and thin mud to cover up the problem
On the one hand is the mother who has the grace of birth and nurture, on the other side is the wife with love and responsibility, one who accompanies him for the first half of his life, one who will accompany him for the second half of his life, for men, these two women are equally important, so when the problem arises, the first thing he thinks of is to calm down, no one hurts, and even wants both sides to be satisfied, but in the end no one is satisfied, and the contradiction gradually escalates.
In the eyes of men, the things between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are trivial matters, there is no need to worry about it, and it is okay to cover up the past with a fool on both sides. But what they don't know is that women are very good animals, and strong in principle, if they repeatedly declare something, but the man always does not face it, then her opinion will become bigger and bigger, the complaint will be more and more, and the essence of the matter will no longer be the thing itself. At this time, men will feel that women are unreasonable and make trouble, and no one understands anyone!
Therefore, what men are best at is to make mud, while women have to make it clear.
In the play, the mother-in-law likes to smoke and play mahjong, which is not a big deal, a personal hobby, but the daughter-in-law is very concerned about the fact that the mother-in-law smokes, just a word, for the sake of the child!
At first, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have been on the verge of erupting, and both of them have pinned their hopes on Xiao Lu, hoping that he can consider his emotions towards himself. Xiao Lu also actively performed work on his wife and mother, but this work was not authentic, it was purely foolish.
The wife resolutely disagreed with the mother-in-law's smoking, because the harmful substances left on the smoker's body would also affect the child, and Xiao Lu could not change her mother, and could only promise to allow her to smoke outside. After the communication is completed, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law feel that the other party is considerate of themselves, feel that they are excessive, very grateful to each other, but did not expect that the matter was exposed, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law felt that they were too stupid, actually believed in this man, and then the contradiction immediately escalated, full of complaints, small things gradually became principled big things.
Men must remember that do not try to solve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law by thin mud, that is to dig a pit for yourself!
Escape after fruitless communication
What women value most is communication, and what men are most afraid of is communication.
Just as the so-called men are from Mars, women are from Venus, to put it bluntly, the way of thinking and doing things of men and women is completely different, and it is difficult to let them communicate on the same channel, not to mention more complex and trivial family relationships! Both of you will feel that it is a chicken and a duck, you can't get what I want to express, and the result is that there is no way to communicate.
But have to admit that communication is a necessary skill to maintain the stability of the marriage relationship, if you want to be happy in marriage, you must learn to communicate with each other, at this point, Xiao Lu obviously did not do well.
The mother-in-law has an opinion on the daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law is also dissatisfied with the mother-in-law, Xiao Lu chose to escape after communicating several times without results, that is, no one cares, what do you love. Such a man really has no sense of responsibility, so don't expect him.
But the saddest thing about Xiao Lu is that he knows that it is useless to escape, but he still chooses to persist, and even intensifies, further deepening the contradiction between husband and wife.
Xiao Lu is busy at work, but he himself said that the workload of the year after giving birth to the child is three times that of the past, that is to say, he avoids family conflicts by increasing the workload, and even sometimes he has to find something to do, in order not to go home. It was hard to go home early, but he deliberately sat in the car for a while and then went back, he was already afraid to face the family.
Avoiding communication is the most incompetent manifestation of men, nothing is unclear, just a matter of position and attitude.
I am always afraid of hurting my loved ones, but the result is counterproductive
It is always easy for a man to fall into the misunderstanding that taking a clear position with his relatives is a kind of harm to her. At this time, the man's sense of responsibility is bursting, and any bad cannot be confessed in front of his relatives, and he firmly believes that he will find some way to properly solve these problems, so when the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law want to take a stand, men always stand up against it.
I don't want to hurt my loved ones, but it backfires.
In fact, Fang Yinuo wanted to communicate directly with his mother-in-law many times, and his mother-in-law also wanted to talk directly with Fang Yinuo, but Xiao Lu had been obstructing in the middle, afraid that they would escalate the contradiction. But it turns out that Xiao Lu's mother is very reasonable and respectful of her daughter-in-law, and Fang Yinuo is also a kind woman with no opinion on her mother-in-law, and it is Xiao Lu who deepens the contradiction.
It is obvious that the mother-in-law dropped the child, Fang Yinuo's mother retired early to take care of her daughter and granddaughter, at this time the mother-in-law can quit, after all, she is not used to her son's home, nor is it uncomfortable, everyone does not want her to stay, but the mother-in-law feels that she has lost face and has to stay. At this time, if the daughter-in-law came forward to communicate with the mother-in-law, and Xiao Lu treated his mother well in the future, the contradiction was successfully resolved. Even if the mother is not happy, the long pain is not as good as the short pain! Instead of erupting into greater contradictions in the future, it is better to solve them directly now!
At that time, the contradiction between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law was suppressed, but there was a gap in each other's hearts, which could only lay the foundation for the outbreak of contradictions in the future. Sure enough, when the two families quarreled, everyone thought that Xiao Lu could understand himself, but the result was that Xiao Lu cried bitterly, as if in all these relationships, he was the most wronged one!
It can only be said that Xiao Lu did not open up the channel of communication from the beginning, did not face the problem squarely, and did not think of fundamentally solving the problem. He always wants to protect everyone, but in the end it is he who hurts everyone the most!
epilogue:
Marriage is simple and simple, it is difficult to say, everyone has to experience, and it is difficult to escape. Don't always think about avoiding, shouldn't we be brave enough to face and face the problem head-on?
In real life, many people are Xiao Lu, even less than Xiao Lu, don't you want to reflect? In fact, what a woman looks at is really not how many material things you can give her, but your attitude and determination, which is the essence of marital happiness!