Wen | Cheats Jun
As a mother, in addition to childcare, it is inevitable to pay attention to marriage. I also often see readers talking about their marital status in the comments section. Some said that they had been married for more than ten years, and the two went out hand in hand, still sweet. More is the feeling of "love becomes affection".
So, what's the difference?
Why are some people still as sweet as a new marriage after ten years of marriage, while others slowly turn love into affection? There are some mysteries that you don't understand.
First ask a question: Can love really become affection?
◆ "Love becomes affection" is actually a false proposition
Many people will ridicule themselves and their other half of the state of "old husband and wife", saying that "big hands hold small hands, just like left hands holding right hands", and also slowly get used to the feelings that are gradually worn away in marriage, and feel that marriage must go through such a process.
But in fact, will love really be transformed into affection?
Love and affection are two completely different experiences, love is the attraction of both parties to each other, is the heartbeat when approaching, is the feeling that some of each other's behaviors will trigger their adrenaline rush.
But family affection is a mixture of froth, and it is a habit into nature. It is more like the little adaptation and dependence of both parties in their daily lives after love is consumed.
Therefore, in marriage, it is not love that becomes affection, but that love is slowly consumed, and only habits are left.
◆ How to keep love fresh in marriage?
Increase your attractiveness
Whether it is from wealth, or from social status, or even from self-image.
For example, a wife who usually does not pay much attention to body and dress, suddenly appears in front of her husband in bright clothes one day, and her body becomes better, and the other party's first reaction must be "amazing".
In addition, by constantly learning and improving your own ability, and increasing the demeanor and depth of your own conversation, you can increase your social attractiveness. This will also attract each other.
Restrain excessive giving, but also restrain yourself from using your own "pay" to blackmail the other party
We always say that if we want to live happily, we must find someone who loves themselves more than they love. In other words, the more people in the family give, the harder they will have if they don't get the same response.
Therefore, if you want to maintain the freshness of love in marriage, you must restrain yourself and avoid over-giving.
On the one hand, excessive giving will make the other party slowly feel "taken for granted".
A friend of mine complained that when her husband first got married, he would mop the floor, wash dishes, cook his own rice, and his husband could warmly say "hard", and he could also compliment her cooking skills when eating.
But slowly my friend found that she had contracted all the big and small affairs in the family, three hundred and sixty-five days a day, every day. And even if she is uncomfortable during the few days, the work at home is all hers, and if she is not in place, she will cause a complaint.
In fact, this is their own excessive efforts to raise the expectations of the other party.
When you find that you can do a lot of things, the other person expects more from you, and subconsciously thinks that you can do more. As a result, a situation of doing more wrong is formed.
On the other hand, after one party over-pays, if it does not get the expected return, it will complain. This kind of complaint will push the other person away.
If a person over-pays, there will be a sense of grievance. Because I feel that I have not received the other party's understanding and equal response.
So she would complain, she would accuse, she would grumble.
This creates a sense of guilt in the hearts of other family members.
But no one wants to be guilty all the time. So this complaining person has become a "negative emotional garbage can" at home, and everyone avoids it.
My aunt was like that. As the mother of the family, she tried her best to live the whole family, but became the most hated person in the family. Without it, because she always likes to complain, saying that her family is not good for her, not considerate enough, and so on.
As a result, she herself was depressed, and the whole family hid when they saw her. Even the little grandson of the family did not want to stay with her.
It's a shame to think about.
【Topic Discussion: What is the current status of your marriage? 】
Senior nursery, psychological counselor. Understand the parenting and psychology, but also pay attention to the self-growth and family management of baoma, and strive to be the intimate person of mothers.
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