A few days ago, at the class reunion, my original goddess was drunk and drunk, and everyone arranged for me to send her home. On the way she hugged me tightly from behind, drunkenly saying to me, "I'm cold, but yes."

A few days ago, at the class reunion, my original goddess was drunk and drunk, and everyone arranged for me to send her home. On the way, she hugged my waist tightly from behind, and drunkenly said to me: "I'm cold, can you shake the lathe glass up?" "I had mixed feelings... How do I shake? How to shake it? What do I shake? I pedaled the bike hard for two steps...

2. The mother always nags that if her daughter finds a boyfriend, there will be a sadness that the cabbage that has been painstakingly planted has been arched by the pig. Fortunately, our family is your sister and brother, so let me balance a little. As a result, since the brother found a girlfriend in college, he did not even come back to live at home, and his mother-in-law made food every day. The mother looked up at the sky at a 45-degree angle with a sad face and said: "I don't know if the cabbage is arched, anyway, the pig that has been raised for more than 20 years must be lost." ”

3. My cousin is a high-achieving student who graduated from Tsinghua University, and she wants to find a rich man with a proud heart. Recently on a blind date, my cousin took a fancy to a boy in order to understand the boy's financial conditions. Then my cousin asked, "What kind of transportation do you take when you go out?" The boy said, "Airplanes, trains." After happily dating the boy for a while, my cousin found that he often rode a bicycle and felt cheated. Then the boy said, "Non-motorized!" ”

4. I do sales at the chain home, and I go out to dinner with the customer with the manager on this day. Because it was my brother who went to a five-star hotel with the boss once, the boss gave me a good explanation before going out. Say that I can only eat the dish in front of me, don't get up and clip the dish far away from me! Later, everyone was there talking about who this woman was, and the pot of turtle soup was all eaten by herself!

5. My sister-in-law didn't cry when she knew that there was someone outside her husband, so I asked her, "What are you going to do?" She enrolled her children in two interest classes, got two beauty cards for herself, bought an accident insurance for two elderly people, and bought her own brand-name bags and clothes! Her husband is not super rich, and this expense cannot be tied to the family, but only to the lover. So the two people broke up unhappily, and the sister-in-law only said a sentence afterwards: "Hmm, spend money with me?" ”

6. A couple goes shopping and comes home and says to their mother: Mom, we are back! Mom asked: How much money is left? The husband said: It all cost! My wife helped explain: Mom, my husband bought me a 999 yuan dress, but it looks good! Mom: That's pretty much it, I'll buy you a pair of shoes tomorrow! The wife kept thanking her, and the mother said: You go first! I'm talking to my son about something! After the wife entered the house, my mother asked: What about the dollar? My husband said: I was too tired to go shopping so I bought a bottle of mineral water! Mom was directly a big mouth, followed by a flying foot and said: You are a loser! There is no water in the house! Also spent money on water!

7. I haven't cut my hair for two months, my hair will be able to tie a small braid in no time, it's really hot on this day, I went to the barbershop. The little brother said while washing: Dude, how long have you not managed your hair? I knew he was hurting the shampoo, so smiled and didn't talk. After washing up, I asked: What hairstyle do you like? I groaned and said, "Bald head, cool."

8. After getting out of work, I stopped a taxi on the side of the road as fast as I could. Take 100 yuan from your pants pocket and hand it to the driver and say: Avoid all the congested routes, take shortcuts, and do whatever you can! I was going to rush to Kimper Square within 10 hours, and the driver started the car without saying a word and drove out like an arrow! A nice left turn came to a screeching stop and then rushed out of the car. I used my mobile phone to sweep a shared bicycle on the side of the road and said to me: Use this handle, remember to lock the car when you arrive.

  #Funny# #搞笑段子 #