Confused, I felt someone pressing on me, touching my face, I struggled, opened my eyes, was frightened on the spot, and saw a black figure on the window,

In the confusion, I felt someone pressing down on me and touching my face, I struggled so hard, opened my eyes, and was frightened on the spot, and saw a black figure on the window, and my face was dangling around with a long hair......... Open your eyes suddenly, no one! Move your feet, there's nothing around! Only then did I close my eyes in peace and feel like someone was touching my feet again? Frightened, I quickly sat up and turned on the flashlight of my phone, forehead! My son was kicked to the ground by me!

1. After graduation, I worked 14 hours a day in the company to work hard overtime, so that the boss earned 3 million a month. Today the owner was happy and took us to a 5 star hotel for dinner and then to the K song. Sitting on that song, the boss sang hi, I suddenly had a brain twitch and cut it. The boss glared at me, and I quickly patted my ass: "I thought it was the original song!" "The next day, I was promoted to manager because I stepped into the company first with my left foot.

2, the chairman took us a few high-level people to eat hot pot outside, the hot pot shop just had activities, eat hot pot to send green vegetables, the result was too late! The owner told them that there were no more greens in the store. They went to the kitchen to look around, indeed, only eggplant and beans, these guys said that beans are not easy to cook, cut the eggplant into the pot... The lady boss looked helpless: Now the young people can be so frugal and frugal, there is not much to use!

3, last night with great anticipation sent a message to the goddess, asked her to come out for a meal together, the goddess actually promised me.

I said, "There is a new dumpling restaurant downstairs, what kind of stuffing do you like to eat, I call to pre-order." ”

The goddess replied, "Date mud dumplings." ”

I looked for several dumpling restaurants and couldn't find this taste, really, she must be teasing me again, and I blacked her out in one breath...

4, go to the headquarters meeting, come out of the bathroom in the middle, enter the three stations, in front of the mirror, naturally stand in the middle.

As soon as I looked up, I saw the chairman of the group and the general manager walking in together, standing on either side of me, and at that moment, I felt that my life had reached its peak!

5, working in the electronics factory, rushed to the toilet after the meeting this morning. After finishing the matter, I found that I did not bring paper, so I had to send WeChat to my colleagues for help. The goods came in after a while, and asked me to send her a red envelope of 10 yuan, otherwise I wouldn't be given paper. The man had to bow his head under the eaves and had to give her a red envelope of 10 yuan. This product is really too dark, isn't it the last time she went to the toilet forgot to bring paper I five dollars? The sense of revenge is so strong!

6. After marrying the sister-in-law of the factory owner, he immediately became the director of the workshop. That time, the boss arranged for me to go on a business trip. After getting on the train, there was a girl sitting next to me, who fell asleep halfway through. At this time, my wife called and asked me where I was? I said it was still in the car. At this time, the beautiful woman next to me woke up, only to hear her say to me confusedly: "You pressed my hair, is it okay to move?" "Then there was a beeping sound coming from the phone, wife, you listen to my cunning!"

7, the girlfriend is five years older than me, dad does not agree, angry at me. Just as my grandmother entered the door, my father asked, "Mom, what did you do when I was a child and didn't obey you?" My grandmother: "Beat up, and then don't give food!" My dad's eyes lit up, and he turned his head and grabbed me to do it. My grandmother rushed to my dad with lightning speed and the ringing of the bell, grabbed the mop and pointed at my dad and shouted, "You dare to move my eldest grandson to try!" ”

8, my girlfriend's brother Alipay owed 75,000 yuan, and my ex-girlfriend sold my Santana to help her brother pay back.

I broke up with her in a fit of rage and bought a golden retriever to accompany me. It was so hot that I shaved my golden retriever.

I bought a new big vest for it today, and after putting it on, I didn't come home for a day.

When I came back tonight, my mother was counting it down: "How many times have you said that you will go home before 8 o'clock in the evening, wear new clothes and look for your dog daughter-in-law to show off, your daughter-in-law has given birth to children, you see which puppy cub looks like you?" How old is the dog? Let's have a little bit of heart! ”

9. Drink tea at my cousin's house. There was a double-cut stick performance on the TV, and I said, "This is just a show, I don't know how the real attack power of the double-cut stick is?" My cousin pointed to the scar on his forehead and said, "The attack is fierce!" I went head-to-head with someone and was knocked with a double stick to leave a scar. Me: "That guy was too cruel, right?" Cousin: "Don't complain about him, the person who uses the double stick is me!" ”

10, today received a strange phone call, a man, opened his mouth and said: "Hello, congratulations on winning the second prize of 300,000!" ”

Before I could speak, he laughed himself and then said, "I'm sorry, I just entered this business, the first time I lied to people, I didn't hold back." ”

Then he hung up... Hang up! After a while he called again: "Hello, hahaha, sorry I'm still not ready." "Beep beep...

The third time: "Haha, sorry to bother you twice, I am indeed a liar, saying that winning the lottery of 300,000 is a lie, but the supervisor allows a quota of 30,000 as bait, and the two of us cooperate to divide it."

"Is there such a good thing?" "Yes, but you're going to have to hit twenty thousand first." As a result today I was cheated of 20,000.

11. The sister-in-law with excellent grades from childhood was finally admitted to Qingdao University with a high score of 762 points after the college entrance examination. Because our house is near the school, my sister-in-law will come to my house to play as long as she is fine. Eating, living and spending money to nothing, are all family, mainly because she is a very lazy person, never brushing dishes, sweeping the floor and not washing clothes. I have responded to this problem to my daughter-in-law, but my daughter-in-law said that I was stingy. Later, when I had nothing to do, I often bought snacks for my sister-in-law, took her to go shopping, bought her bags, invited her to dinner, and took her to watch movies. When my daughter-in-law asked, I said: This is your own sister, shouldn't it be nice to her? Who is his sister, and are you still not at ease? After I watched the movie with my sister-in-law three times, my daughter-in-law drove her sister away!