1, the cousin is very vain, bought a fake watch on the Internet. I asked him: What's wrong? He told me: Very disappointed! I asked: You get what you pay for, right? Is it not of bad quality? I said: No

1, the cousin is very vain, bought a fake watch on the Internet. I asked him: What's wrong? He told me: Very disappointed! I asked: You get what you pay for, right? Is it not of bad quality? I said: No, these days, I raise my wrist when I see someone, my arms are sore, and no one even asks me what brand my watch is!

2, the female colleague of the unit is very short, but found a tall boyfriend, not long after the separation, I asked: "Why?" Could it be that he hates you for being too short? The female colleague wiped her tears and said: "No, it has been raining these days, the door of our unit is full of water, when it comes to the end of work, the men are carrying their wives over, and he directly uses the creaky nest to clip me over!。。。。。

3. Chat with friends and say: Many mythical gods will say when they leave: I will return again to save you. For example, the Mayan feathered serpent god, such as Jesus. In China, there are very few like this, and almost all the gods have collapsed and disappeared into the world and ascended to heaven. There is also little to be agreed upon again. There is a "behind you" feeling of throwing hands. If you do this, our gods are really the type of adult kick-out that does not spoil children.

4, I am tired of the life of part-time work, I want to open a hot pot restaurant. However, there is not enough money in hand, he is not married, and his family does not support it. Today, when we invited a group of our friends to drink, they raised their glasses and said politely, a few brothers who have money to pay, those who have no money, we do not force it! Then a meal came down, the hot pot restaurant was not yet open, the dishes were brushed, the running hall, the waiters and so on were all full... But now it's a bad buck!

5, lunch break, colleague sister put the watch in the cup of water. I asked her curiously, "Sister, what do you do in the cup?" The eldest sister said very calmly: "This watch is waterproof, my husband bought it, tens of thousands!" "I suddenly understood that my mouth was indebted, and she invisibly pretended to be forced... He looked at his watch again and said, "Sister, it seems that something is wrong, your watch has spit bubbles." "The eldest sister looked at the water cup, her face turned white, and then it went black again...

6. The brother-in-law is a graduate of Tsinghua University, works in a foreign trade company, and is favored by the boss lady. The two quickly registered their marriage and lived a sweet life ever since. The brother-in-law's father-in-law's family is very rich, and bought a luxury car BMW Seven Series a few days ago! Go to the new car license plate, a pair of numbers he picked for half a day, and finally picked mn521. Brother-in-law: Why not choose 666 instead of this? His father-in-law: You know what, it's a beautiful woman I love you! Driving home, the mother-in-law was immediately happy: this brand, macho I love you!

7, when the little niece just learned to walk, she often fell down, and when she fell, she cried. It takes a lot of effort to coax. Later, we found that as long as she fell, we looked at the funny things and praised a few words to fall beautifully, she would laugh with her, and she would not cry whether it hurt or not. Later, the whole family also developed a habit. One day I took my little niece to get a haircut, and when I came out, I saw a tattooed big brother who just tripped over his head, and his mouth was broken, and when the big brother got up with a gray face, he saw that we both laughed and said that they fell beautifully... My favorite shoe was one that I lost that day.

8, a brother came back in the middle of the night, turned around in the downstairs of the community, did not find an empty parking space, looked up and shouted into the sky: Your husband is back! Within a few minutes, the lights of several unit corridors came on and a dozen cars drove away. It didn't feel too addictive, and I shouted to the sky that your wife is back! In less than a minute, the parking lot is more than half empty, so as long as the mind does not slip, the solution is always more than difficult.

9, is at work, next to the buddy answered a phone, as if his wife asked him why he changed the WeChat password? The buddy held the phone between his face and shoulders, and said slowly and logically: "It is like this, the number was stolen a few days ago, so I changed it, so let's do it, the phone says that the password is not convenient, I will text you." In just six seconds, he frantically caoed with both hands to delete some things in WeChat.

10, the brother-in-law opened a company and went out of business, and used the remaining funds to buy a Maybach to run Didi. One night, the brother-in-law pulled a total of 5 little, and it cost 125 yuan to reach the destination. Those few wanted to settle the account and said: No money, you can watch and do it yourself! When the brother-in-law saw that he had actually run into a rogue, he thought that more was better than less and drove away. When I went home, I found that there was a color drift on the seat that had not been opened, and when my brother-in-law took this color drift to collect the prize at home, he found that he actually won the lottery! He took this hard-won 2000000 and bought a more expensive Aston Martin Run Didi!

11, I fell in love to confirm the relationship on the day my girlfriend brought a vial, said to spoil her in the future, do not provoke her to be angry, she will drop a few drops of water into the bottle every time she cries, if the bottle is full of heart, it will die. I added two spoonfuls of water to it the other day and it was discovered.

12, daughter-in-law let quit smoking, I hid a box in the corner of the bathroom, each time secretly smoking one. That day I took it out again and found a note she had written inside: Thirteen! I had to put it back in a sad way. After a few days, I was in a hurry, smoked half of it, and then inserted it in front of it with a toothpick, put it in the cigarette box to level it, and sure enough, I didn't see it. Yesterday the old man came, and the daughter-in-law took out the box of cigarettes and went to wash the dishes. The father-in-law took out a cigarette butt with a toothpick in it, and took out a few more, and slammed the box into his pocket. I think men really need tacit understanding...

13. After the sister-in-law graduated from Tsinghua University, she did not go to work in the unit arranged for her by the husband, but went to SF as a takeaway worker. She delivered the courier for three years and earned 1,800,000 yuan. I resigned a few days ago, and my sister-in-law took the money to open a small supermarket. Today an abbot came to the supermarket and bought a bottle of shampoo and two cans of beer. The little sister-in-law was curious and asked the abbot: Wine and meat have passed through the intestines, and the Buddha's heart remains, big!! You don't need this shampoo, right? The abbot nodded: "Of course, this was bought for my wife."

14, the sister-in-law did not want to wrap up a bottle of sleeping pills to eat, in order to pull her back from the shore of death, my wife and I told our own tragic stories, and even humiliated each other, very fierce. Ten minutes later, the sister-in-law finally put down the sleeping pills, and I asked her: "Moved by our story, I see that you have listened to it, what did you think at that time?" Sister-in-law: "I just want to buy melon seeds!" ”