A rich man from India came to China to travel, got off the plane and booked a ticket back to India on the way to the hotel, and quietly left China without playing. After returning to India, the rich man's father asked strangely

A rich man from India came to China to travel, got off the plane and booked a ticket back to India on the way to the hotel, and quietly left China without playing. After returning to India, the rich father asked his son strangely, "How did you come back when you first arrived in China?!" The son said with some trepidation: "It's not good, China is going to attack the mainland, the streets and alleys are posted with slogans, writing "print", "laser printing", "fast printing", door-to-door printing, 3D printing." If I hadn't run so fast, I'm afraid I wouldn't have seen you!" Father said: Thanks to the fact that you have learned a little Chinese before, thank you!

2 Do not disturb, the male guest came out and began to introduce himself: "I deal with the land all day!" In an instant the lights went out six. Male guest: "I don't have a stable salary!" Then the lights went out eight more. Male guest: "I'm not going to buy a house yet!" Finally, the lights were all out. The host hurried to round the field: "I think many people look down on our peasant brothers, thinking that they have no money and no house, which is an extremely wrong idea!" Male guest: "Interrupt, I'm not a farmer, I'm a real estate developer." ”

3 Recently in weight loss, and boyfriend to eat breakfast, always used to give him half, today is still the familiar breakfast restaurant, as usual ordered two, but on three, so asked the hostess, is not on the wrong. The hostess said while cleaning up the dishes and chopsticks: Hey, you come to my place for breakfast every day, every time you give half of it to your boyfriend, you eat so much to eat, this aunt sent, don't want money. My heart was moved... If it weren't for the bowl that was sent a little dirty, I would almost believe it.

4 The decoration in the shop is too high-end, the business is not good, the owner arranged for me to greet the guests at the door. I grabbed a big brother and asked, "Big brother, come in and take a shower!" Big Brother: "How much is it once?" Me: "1,000 bucks at a time!" Big brother: "100 yuan at a time is not OK?" I was confused and said, "How to do that, you have to add a zero after that." The eldest brother was immediately excited and said: "That's cheap, 100 yuan 10 times, I will go now, make a lot of money, is it now engaged in promotions?" "Saying that I was dragged into the store, how do I explain it to the boss?"

5 After my ex-girlfriend left me, I went to work at KTV, and now that I'm pregnant, I transferred 8,000 yuan to her to beat the tire. When my wife found out, she got angry, got into a big fight with me, and went to my mother-in-law's house. I calmly took the ID card network loan of 800,000 yuan, and transferred it to my wife's card with a mobile phone text message. After 5 minutes, my wife called and asked if I was still at home and she was back now. My wife said that someone had mistakenly hit 800,000 yuan on her card, and now come back to discuss with me...

6 My mother asked me to marry her distant nephew, and I was so confused by my mother that I smashed the TV in one breath. My mother simply threw me into the kennel at the gate, where I squatted and cried. Grandma came over to comfort me: "Temperament has to be changed, so don't understand things, don't cry, Grandma ordered you takeaway, said what do you want to eat?" Me: "That... Orleans grilled chicken wings, cheese milk sticks, milk tea, grilled gluten, plate squid! Grandma interrupted me: "Forget it, I'll go out and coax my daughter-in-law to go..."

7 A colleague who works at Foxconn got a few free tickets for KTV somehow, and we went to sing together after work. We didn't even have a bottle of water and sang dryly for three or four hours. The waiter walked over to take a look, scared the water hidden in our bags and did not dare to take it out, one by one as long as it was thirsty, they carried the bag to the bathroom. I went out with my bag on my back, met the waiter and asked, "Where is the bathroom, I'm going to drink." ”

8 When buying a car, we wiped the car, and the shopping guide told us to only look at it and not to wipe it. I said angrily, "Isn't it just a car?" Lao Tzu can afford ten cars! The shopping guide sneered and began to greet the people around him: "I put the words here, everyone here, whoever becomes the owner of this car, I will spend the night with whom." "After saying that, he looked at me contemptuously and then I pooled the money with my co-workers and crowdfunded to buy the car, and the shopping guide was green at the time... 

9 A good man caught a turtle and wanted to eat it, but he was hindered by being a good man, so he put an iron plate on the boiling pot and let the turtle climb over. "Whether it is life or death, all heaven is predestined, if you can climb through, then your life should not be extinguished, if you fall on the way, Hugh blames the good man for breaking the vows and opening the meat." The little turtle endured the high temperature and climbed over, which surprised people, looked at the east and west, reached out and grabbed the little turtle, and said: "Little turtle, you are the best, good, let's try again!" Lies can be repeated, shamelessness has no limits! Dedicated to people who speak nicely, but don't keep their word!

#Funny# #搞笑段子 #