There is a saying on the Internet that is very good:
"Respect is the talisman of marriage, some people think that they have gone to the city, they are a family, what kind of politeness and respect do they need?" Miss by a mile! You know, before marriage, you were two unrelated people! Even if you are married, you are still two people, two different people. Respecting each other, that is, seeing each other as an independent person, that is, increasing the distance between the two people a little, so that the two people will be more attractive to each other. ”
In fact, most people often make mistakes between people, that is, it is too easy to want to determine the relationship between two people through a marriage certificate, always feel that since they are married, they are a family, but they ignore that feelings are the most important foundation of marriage, and it is also the most solid shield.
If you want to make a relationship continue to develop, if you want to make the feelings between each other more and more real, more and more intimate, the most important thing to do is not only mutual respect, mutual understanding, but also the need to put each other's hearts together, can become better, can become happier, marriage is a matter of two people, is the need for two people to run their own marriage, run their own small family, can be better and better, more and more happy,
Instead of using your own small family to help everyone, you will finally exhaust the enthusiasm of your small family and let the marriage fail.
Lin Lei (pseudonym) married his wife Zhang Yu (pseudonym).
Lin Lei and Zhang Yu have been married for five years, and now the children are obedient and lovely, Lin Lei's business is also very smooth, and the days are getting better and better, which is also the greatest happiness between the two people.
But even if you have an enviable life now, there are still contradictions that make it difficult to resolve each other, and the attitude towards the family and the attitude towards the relatives is the biggest gap between the two people.
When the two people got married, there was a house, which was bought by Lin Lei's family, and it was full payment, because the house price at that time was not very high, and after the family bought it in full, it cost about half a million yuan, because it was the full money, but the conditions at home at that time were relatively good, and Zhang Yu did not make special requests when he got married.
When they first got married, they both loved each other very much, and they also tried to live their lives well, and soon they had children, Lin Lei's business was getting better and better, and Zhang Yu simply quit his job and became a full-time mother at home, perhaps the freshness and enthusiasm at the beginning covered up the inappropriateness between the two people, covering up the gap between each other, so in the first few years of marriage, the two people did not have a particularly many contradictions, and some of Zhang Yu's practices Lin Lei never took it seriously, but after the days went by longer, Lin Lei is increasingly reluctant to tolerate some of Zhang Yu's practices, and he is becoming more and more intolerant, especially in the face of Zhang Yu's attitude towards his mother's family and his attitude towards his in-laws.
Zhang Yu will give money to his parents almost every month, and these money are Zhang Yu's personal deposits, because Lin Lei's money is also enough, and it is handed over to Zhang Yu for safekeeping, so Lin Lei will not interfere too much in his daily life, and the conflict between the two people began to cause from Lin Lei buying a house for his parents.
After marriage, because Lin Lei's business is also doing very well, so I want to buy a two-bedroom apartment with a better environment for my parents, after all, the old house before my parents has lived for a long time, the conditions in all aspects are not very good, and now Lin Lei's savings are also a lot more, it is also an investment, so he also bought a two-bedroom apartment because of this, but Zhang Yu is not satisfied, more or less unbalanced, and also wants to buy a set for his parents, but Lin Lei said that he will have money later. This made the contradiction in Zhang Yu's heart grow bigger and bigger.
In the later days, the contradictions in Zhang Yu's heart were never digested, and finally put forward the idea of changing a new house:
"Our house is also quite long, the children are now growing up soon, let's buy a new house, I looked at the deposit, I may need to borrow some more money, but it's okay, when the children go to school I will work, then some of the mortgages are easy to repay." 」
In the face of Zhang Yu's idea of wanting to change to a new house, Lin Lei chose to refuse for the first time:
"This house is also used to living, and the children are still small, the school thing can be considered later, the most important thing is that I just bought a house for my parents, and now there is no special money to do other things, the business in recent years is also a little difficult to do, so let's change it later."
Zhang Yu was not happy when he heard it:
"Buy a house for your parents and you will have money, the business will be easy to do, and we will have no money to change houses?" That's not impossible for my parents to buy a house. ”
Lin Lei was not happy when he heard it:
"How much savings do you have in the house that you don't know?" What do you know, buying a house for my parents is very early, this house is still bought for me, I should not give them a new house as a son? This matter is not negotiable, and it is impossible to buy a house for the time being. ”
In the face of Lin Lei's decision, although Zhang Yu was very unhappy in his heart and wanted to refute it, he finally put up with it, but Zhang Yu still did not give up on the matter of buying a house, until Zhang Yu's brother was about to get married, and the family wanted to buy a house, Zhang Yu put forward his own ideas:
"Let's sell this house to my brother, so that my brother's marriage will be settled, and we can also buy a new house and kill two birds with one stone, what do you think?"
After Lin Lei listened, he originally wanted to refuse at the first time, but still said:
"It's all a family, it's not appropriate to do this kind of business, and it's hard to say how much money you sell and how much you help."
Zhang Yu said:
"It's all right, I told my brother, we sold him half a million yuan in this house, if he wants to decorate something, he will solve it himself."
Zhang Yu's words made Lin Lei suddenly angry:
"1.2 million house sold to your brother half a million?" You don't know the current house price situation? This house is now selling for at least a million, and you let me sell half a million to your brother? What do you think? ”
Zhang Yu retorted:
"Didn't you just say that?" They are all family, when you bought it, it was less than half a million, you still want to earn the family's money, and this half a million when we change a new house, I will pay off the mortgage with you, and it will be repaid quickly. ”
Lin Lei was also completely angry this time:
"I clearly tell you that it is impossible, it is impossible to sell it to your brother, it is impossible to change to a new house, if you have the ability, you pay for a new house, and then this old house will be given to your brother for free, and I will not say a word."
"The family is your attitude!" When I bought a house for your parents, I said nothing, and now I am not asking you to buy a house for my parents, or pay for a house, and the change of house is still with you, what are you not satisfied with, have money to buy a new house for your parents, no money to change the suite with me? ”
Lin Lei was also very angry, and said very firmly:
"Selling a house and changing houses is never possible, if you have to do it, then get a divorce, enough for you." 」
The couple did not give in to each other, and after a big quarrel, they fell into a cold war.
Lin Lei felt that Zhang Yu was unreasonable, but Zhang Yu felt that Lin Lei was eccentric and did not regard himself as a family, and the two people did not communicate anymore.
Write at the end:
The biggest contradiction between husband and wife is often because of incomprehension, intolerance caused by two people in the treatment of the relationship between the family, if it is not handled properly, it will also lead to a psychological imbalance between each other, and finally lead to estrangement, after a long time will naturally lead to greater contradictions, leading to greater quarrels, so in daily life, husband and wife need to understand each other, need to discuss various things well, so as to avoid the occurrence of contradictions.
And if husband and wife want to be safe and sound, go on happier, more need to be based on the small family, support each other, understand, in order to become better, what do you think? Lin Lei in this matter may not have done anything wrong, using his own actions to honor his parents, and Zhang Yu is also because of the imbalance in psychology, which has led to a contradiction between the two people, and what is most needed should be that the two people should discuss well and communicate well to become better.