There is a well-known saying in the Classic of Changes, a classic of traditional Chinese studies: "The house of good deeds will have a remnant of celebration; and the house of the accumulation of bad goodness will have a remnant of disasters." ”
The meaning of this sentence is that if a family does good deeds and accumulates virtue, it will receive more blessings; if it does evil and fail morality, then the family will suffer disasters.
Many people understand "doing good deeds" as doing good deeds to others – this is just a "external" way of doing good. In fact, members of the family must also do good "internally", that is, they must be strict with themselves and not say what they should not say.
Usually, if a family wants to prosper, the couple should not say the following three things to outsiders, and understand and benefit early.
Don't complain to outsiders about your in-laws or father-in-law and mother-in-law
From ancient times to the present, the contradiction between the old generation and the young people has always existed. And because the thinking of some elderly people is solidified, the burden of dealing with the contradictions between the two generations falls on young couples.
If you are treating your parents, there are contradictions and fashions and you can have something to say. But when dealing with the parents of the other half, many times they can only silently bear their grievances and sadness.
As a result, some people can only complain to friends and colleagues about their in-laws or fathers-in-law and mother-in-law. As everyone knows, such complaints are actually not good for themselves.
First of all, outsiders listen to these complaints, usually only as a talking point after dinner, at that time, their own embarrassment and grievances will become other people's gossip;
Secondly, everyone's judgment standards are different, and perhaps their own complaints are in the eyes of others as a manifestation of not knowing how to respect their elders.
Therefore, if you have a grudge against the parents of the other half, you can either negotiate with your partner to solve it, or complain to your parents.
Don't reveal your family's financial situation to outsiders
I once met a couple: when the hostess was shopping outside, even if he only bought a few dozen dollars, he would pull out all the bills in his pocket; when the hostess chatted with others, he always listed the expenses of the family to prove how hard life was.
The couple's approach is actually very inappropriate. Because for most families, whether poor or rich, income and expenditure should be secrets that only couples can know.
Easily revealing one's own family's economic situation to outsiders will only bring unnecessary trouble to one's own family.
As the saying goes, "People's hearts are separated from their stomachs." When we reveal the financial situation at home, we never know what the mentality and mind of outsiders are.
When someone sees that you are doing well, they will come to ask for help, and if you do not help, the other party will fall into the well; some people will see that you are not having a good life, superficially comfort a few words, turn their backs and tell them to more people as a joke.
In this world, there are too few people who sincerely hope that you are good. Therefore, in order to avoid risks, it is better to just keep silent.
Don't tell outsiders about the misfortunes of marriage
There is no absolutely happy family in life, even if the husband and wife love each other no matter how harmonious the family atmosphere is, there must be quarrels and disagreements.
After some people encounter family conflicts, they will find their girlfriends or brothers to tell them about their unhappy marriage.
But just think about it in reverse: most people who can become their girlfriends or brothers are "on their side" after listening to "talking"—which is tantamount to adding fuel to their own marital problems.
When really smart couples face family conflicts, they will adopt the "find problems - face problems - solve problems" model.
If the contradiction between two people can be reconciled, then the problem should be faced and solved; if the contradiction is irreconcilable, then telling outsiders about marital misfortune, in addition to satisfying their own desire to talk, will only increase the laughing stock and add pain.
Except for some cases, many times marriage is not really "unfortunate", but in the days of triviality, there is friction. At this time, the best option is to solve it, not complain.
Conclusion
In the "I Ching", it is said: The world returns to the same place.
The same is true for a family - although the family has a difficult scripture, there are also a considerable number of less happy families, in the face of family conflicts, have adopted the above three ways of dealing with.
The so-called family is like drawing a circle to circle all family members. Even if your relationship with outsiders is good, the other party is an outsider after all, so how can the things in the "family circle" be easily told to outsiders?