Author: Self-Talk (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
On the knowledge, some netizens shared their posts on "what kind of experience it was to be scolded by my mother since I was a child".
His mother could scold him for a small matter, not only scolding loudly, but also "beasts, pigs and dogs are not as good as, let him get out" excessive words, all came out of his mouth.
Although he was bullied by his classmates in middle school, he could only hide his heart for fear of being yelled at by his mother.
Now 19 years old, he feels pain and tiredness in the face of his mother's abuse, and even has the idea of taking his own life, because his mother's years of scolding are a kind of torment and self-esteem trampling on him.
Obviously, he lived under the high decibel scolding of his mother, and the various negative feelings accumulated in his heart silently prompted his psychology to form a negative distorted influence.
Satya, a well-known family psychotherapist, proposed the "iceberg theory" that dissects the individual.
The surface of the iceberg is the surface of human behavior, and the horizontal line is the inner coping posture of people.
However, the larger area under the iceberg is the true feelings, decisions, expectations, desires and true selves hidden in the heart.
Parents are the key to the growth of children, if parents implement high decibel scolding on their children for a long time, it will undoubtedly have a subtle adverse impact on the child's growth.
Over time, children will hide their true selves, bury all kinds of negative emotions accumulated in the depths of their hearts and then precipitate and ferment, gradually becoming a vicious hidden danger in the development of children's mental health.
The higher the decibel of parental scolding, the more introverted and inferior the child is
A 26-year-old man in Guangdong has been repeatedly tortured by pneumonia for nearly 20 years.
In a recent examination, it was found that the "culprit" of pneumonia turned out to be a whistle he swallowed as a child.
When the man was 6 years old, he dissected the whistle inside the toy duck and swallowed it playfully.
Because of the fear of being scolded, he did not dare to tell his parents, and it took 20 years to hide it, but the operation took only 20 minutes to remove the whistle.
Presumably, in the 20 years since men grew up, they have not been scolded less, and there is a shadow of fear in their hearts. So much so that he would rather endure years of repeated tossing and turning lung disease than tell his parents the truth.
An online post: "How are the children who were scolded from childhood to adulthood doing now?" ”
A netizen commented on the message, telling his experience of being scolded since childhood.
Since he remembers, he has grown up in the yelling of his parents, no matter whether things are right or wrong, as long as his parents are in a bad mood, they will scold him.
Now 25 years old, he said that he was not happy at all, felt extremely inferior in his heart, always made a promise to do things, and was afraid of doing something wrong to make his parents angry and scolded.
Parents' high-decibel yelling and scolding will give children an inferiority complex. Over time, children will unconsciously produce self-doubt and self-denial, feel that they can not always satisfy their parents, and live trembling in fear of their parents' yelling and scolding.
The book "Parchment Scrolls for Women" mentions that the younger the child, the less defensive the mind is and the more vulnerable it is.
As a parent, every word and every action you say in front of your child has the potential to deeply affect your child's mental health.
In the program "Mother Has Something to Say", a child wrote his mother's "three deadly sins" on the board with his true feelings.
Two of the "three deadly sins" are: "The mother scolds the child too fiercely, and the parents love to quarrel", and finally the child adds a "crying face" expression.
The child's mother said that when the child was 3 or 4 years old, she quarreled with her husband, causing great harm to the child, and even perceived that the child had a "self-enclosed" situation.
Whether the scolding is directed at the child or the family, the high decibel scolding in the family will have a subtle psychological impact on the child.
For children, every high-decibel scolding bombardment of parents is a mental destruction of children, so that children fall into mental tension, fear and helpless emotional postures, and gradually make children become silent and introverted and self-enclosed.
The higher the decibel of parents' scolding, the more rebellious the child is
In the "Super Nursery" program, the ten-year-old boy Lou Yunpu always "contradicts" his grumpy father, because his father always communicates with his son in a questioning and yelling tone, and when it is serious, his father will also stage "force suppression".
The son became more and more resistant to his father and was unwilling to communicate with his father anymore.
Whenever the father questioned the study situation at dinner, the son either did not squeak, or he shut himself in the door and cried or yelled at the father to resist.
Once, because their son was bedridden and did not go to school, the father and son immediately staged a fierce conflict between them.
The grumpy father simply lifted his son's quilt, threw away the pillow, and forcibly dragged his bare-chested son out of the bed.
However, the son resisted vigorously, and when he was dragged, he grabbed his mother by the hand, and the mother was immediately dragged out of the room by the father and son. The father uses "hostage" to force his son to go to school, and the son "holds" the mother hostage to resist the father's persecution.
The father shouted at his son, "You are my son, and I will educate you." However, the child did not hesitate to directly hit back: "I am not your son." ”
The father's shouts and scoldings and "armed hostages" did not make the son submit, but caused the son to resist vigorously, insisting on "fighting against the father".
"Children's Emotional Psychology" mentions: "Many parents are asking their children according to their own wishes, ignoring the psychological needs of children and ignoring their children's emotional changes.
As a result, the child does not understand the parent's pain, and the parent does not understand what the child is thinking. In this way, the child and the parents are in opposition, which is a great harm to both parties. ”
Many parents always "criticize" their children with the principle of social norms, and when children behave in violation of normal principles, parents will immediately stop their children by directly and rudely yelling and cursing.
In the end, not only can not solve the problem, but also the parent-child relationship becomes rigid.
Guangzhou Daily once published a "self-examination form for qualified parents" on Weibo, which contains a summary of "10 ways of spoiled children" and "18 kinds of unqualified parents".
Among them, "grumpy dad and mom" are on the list.
When many parents face their children's resistance and rejection, they all boil down to the wrong behavior of "children rebelling and disobeying and not understanding".
However, parents transform their accumulated irritability into yelling and verbal repression to force their children to submit.
In fact, the communication method of parents and their children's high-decibel "yelling and scolding" cannot really solve the contradiction between parents and children.
On the contrary, it has nourished the child's rebellious psychology and prompted the child to fall into the "swamp of rebellion" and cannot extricate himself.
Parents with high decibel education replicate high decibel children
In the "Metamorphometer" program, Liu Shan, a rebellious girl who was dropped out of school, is a replica of her high-decibel parents.
All because of the parents' way of educating Liu Shan, it is basically based on yelling and scolding, and even escalates into armed conflict when it is serious.
Such a high-decibel education was properly copied by Liu Shan, often staged in her daily life with her sister.
Once her sister went to her room to find food because she was hungry, Liu Shan not only yelled at her sister when she learned about it, but also pushed her sister to the ground.
Liu Shan's behavior towards her sister is simply a microcosm of her parents' education of her.
In a fierce conflict with her parents, she not only yelled at each other, but also provoked her mother to yell at her to die and her father to slap her.
As the saying goes, "Parents are the mirrors of their children, and children are the shadows of their parents." ”
All because of the innate ability of children to imitate, in the process of growing up, they silently copy the behaviors and deeds of their parents.
In Shanghai, there was a "bloody case caused by a napkin", the victim of the case was an old father in his seventies, and the murderer was the victim's own son.
It is understood that the personalities of the father and son are all temperamental, and the daily life of the father and son is often quarrelsome, and no one will let them quarrel.
This time, the father and son quarreled because they could not pick up a napkin on the ground.
But the quarrel also became more and more intense, and the septuagenarian father even took a chainsaw and slashed at his son, who immediately drew a knife and froze with his father.
But neither father nor son was willing to back down, and in the situation where the quarrel escalated into a physical conflict, it eventually led to "a napkin that triggered the bloody murder of the son's father".
If the parents are originals, the children are photocopies.
Children's lives will take their parents as their own imitation objects, and learn the way of life and the attitude of dealing with the world by imitating the various details of their parents' lives.
It can be seen that every word and deed of parents will have a profound impact on children.
The child's growth posture carries the epitome of parental education behind it.
Parents may wish to adjust the high-decibel education model for their children and experience the charm of low-decibel education.
The charm of low-decibel education can better enter the hearts of children
As an adult, sometimes it is difficult to tolerate the yelling of others on their high decibels, let alone weak children.
Parents may wish to try to do the following at a low decibel volume:
1. Communicate and listen
In the face of children's bad behavior, parents may wish to first restrain their temper and calmly communicate with their children.
Understand the motivations and needs of your child's behavior and listen to your child's true thoughts. Analyze the situation of behavior with the child, patiently make correct communication and guidance, and become a parent who understands the child.
Second, empathy
In the face of differences of opinion between parents and children, parents may wish to look at the problem from the perspective of their children.
Do not use authoritarian communication methods to make children submit, with the purpose of reaching consensus with each other, to resolve the contradictions and differences between parents and children, and to create a family atmosphere of fair handling.
Third, tolerance and encouragement
In the face of children's mistakes, parents teach their children to distinguish between right and wrong, and at the same time, give more tolerance and encouragement.
Understand the motivation of tolerance for children's mistakes, encourage children to actively admit mistakes and correct them, and use tolerance and attention to influence children.
Try the charm of low-decibel education, enter the heart of the child in a gentle way, and become a parent who understands the child better.
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