【Motivation】2.4 How to cultivate children's sense of responsibility?

Hello moms and dads who love to learn!

We will tell you about it from two aspects:

The first: learn to have empathy;

The second: cultivate a sense of responsibility for children, while giving children trust.

Let's start with the first point: learn to have empathy.

As parents, let's reflect on what questions do you ask your child when he comes home from school every day? I think more than 80% of parents often focus on the topic: Is the homework done? When is the exam? How many points are you ready to take? The results are so poor, why do you still think about playing every day? Wait a minute.

When your child comes home, reads a day's book, and goes to a day's class, it should still be quite hard, when you ask these questions, have you ever thought about how your child feels at this moment? Does he find this home warm? Still not warm?

Let's think about it in a different way, when you go to work for a day and come home, it should be very hard. But when you walk in the door, your child asks you: Mom, when are you going to raise your salary? When are you going to get promoted? When will our family change houses? When will Dad change the car? If your child asks you these words every day, do you feel stressed? If you feel stressed, do you still want to go back to this home? Can you still feel warm in this home? If it's not warm, do you still have motivation to return to this home?

Empathetically, our child also doesn't like this feeling, because he doesn't like to be under infinite pressure in this family, and what the child needs is to be understood. For example, when the child comes home, the mother tells the child: The child is hard, first take a rest.

When I was studying on my own, I was very diligent, and every time I came home, my mother told me: The child is tired, take a break first, don't always read a book, take a break. But every time, I worked very hard, why? It's because I feel warm inside. I felt that my mother was particularly kind to me, and I felt guilty, and I had a responsibility to read well to repay her.

But today's Chinese parents are afraid that their children will rest for a while, that their children will be lazy.

Therefore, constantly put pressure on the child, when the child's heart has become more and more unable to feel the warmth of home, the child's heart is not motivated, he will be very resistant to learning from the bones, there is no way to be spontaneous.

Therefore, parents must learn to empathize with your children, and one of the words that is often said in empathy is: Your mother understands you very well, your mother understands that you are more difficult to study in school, and it is more tiring to understand that you have walked so much. When the child is empathetic, he can very well dissolve his emotions, help him to redirect his attention to the goal, and find his responsibility.

Wenzhou has a very good mother, her daughter often participates in various dance training, very hard. Once, when it was the eleventh holiday, the child had arranged various travel activities, but suddenly received a notice from the school to let the child participate in a performance, so that the National Day could not rest, and continued to participate in training. The child's heart is very aggrieved, and he said to his mother: I will not go, I will not go to kill, I have made an appointment to go out with my classmates.

The average mom will say, "Oh, how can you not go?" If you don't go, you have to go and so on. But this teacher has studied here, she knows the same child's emotions very well, in the past hugged the child and said: Mother knows that you are very hard, mother knows that you are very wronged in your heart, but mother also believes in you. Since you choose to be a good person, you must learn to give up a lot of time for entertainment and enjoyment. When the child's inner emotions are understood and satisfied, they begin to silently prepare for the training of the entire National Day holiday.

This child's achievements in dance are very good, and he has won many national and world-class gold medals, and behind it also depends on the mother's good empathy, so that the child has the courage to overcome himself, this sentence is often said: Mother understands you.

The second point I want to talk about is trust, give the child trust, the child has a sense of responsibility.

There are two different company owners:

A boss told the employee: Xiao Li, this matter will be entrusted to you. Then every ten minutes the boss ran over and asked: Xiao Li, how is he doing? Xiao Li, will you do it? Xiao Li, why are you so unserious? Xiao Li, how do you know laziness when you go to work, and so on.

Every ten minutes, the boss has to come and question it! I think after four or five times, this employee wants to say in his heart: Boss, you do it yourself, I don't do it, I am too lazy to do it.

When you keep pushing and nagging, it makes the child lose responsibility in his heart, why? Because the essential logic behind it is that the boss lacks trust in employees.

Another boss said to the employee Xiao Wang: Xiao Wang, this matter is entrusted to you to do, I believe you can do it well!

Xiao Wang said: Boss, but I don't know how to do it yet? The boss said: No, it doesn't matter, I believe you can find a way to solve it yourself! The boss asked again: How long are you going to prepare to finish it? Xiao Wang said: It will take about a day! The boss said: Well, I'll wait for your good news!

As soon as the boss walked away, Xiao Wang began to be anxious, and immediately called his classmates: Help, my boss believes in me so much, I can't do it, what to do?

So when a person is trusted, his heart will be responsible; if he is not trusted, his heart will have no responsibility.

Many of our parents are constantly nagging and urging, and the essential logic behind it is a lack of trust.

If a person is not trusted, he will not feel responsible.

"Believe" is not a mantra, but in your eyes and expressions, let the child read your trust in him, the child will gain great power.

There is a very famous entrepreneur, he wrote in his biography: Every time the grandson goes swimming, he likes to pull his grandfather to the pool, because the grandson can jump into the water very bravely as long as he looks at the eyes of his grandfather before diving.

I think it was because he read trust in Grandpa's eyes.

When everyone encounters a challenge, someone behind them needs to trust and support him, so that he can complete this matter with confidence and strength.

Reflect on what your child reads from the look in your eyes? Especially if your child has poor grades, can he read trust in your eyes when he encounters challenges and hits? Or did you read about worry and fear?

Therefore, the essence behind educating children is the cultivation of parents themselves!

We believe in children, not because the child is very good now, but because we see that even if the child has many problems, there are still many shining points in his body, and such shining points give us reason to believe: as long as he persists and continues to work hard, his future is still excellent!

So, the more we are at a low point, the more we can let the child see our trusting eyes for him, which is very, very important!

When we take the child to the home of relatives and friends, in front of the relatives, we say: My child is just mischievous, he loves to play games, he does not like to read; in other words: my child is very responsible, he is very willing to help others.

After the first sentence, the child's feeling is: Anyway, I am like this, I ran the jar and broke it. So, he'll become more mischievous and mischievous.

When the other sentence is finished, the child will feel: My mother believes in me so much, I must take responsibility.

People who are trusted are responsible!

Dear parents, the important role you take in the growth of your children is the role of the agent, to be a good agent.

How did the agent make the star popular? She takes celebrities to various occasions and tells everyone around her: My star is very good, my star is busy, my star is valuable, etc.; he will not say: My star is bad, no one wants. She will not ruin the reputation of this star, but constantly defend him!

Today's parents are the child's agent, we want the child to be excellent, but often in front of teachers, classmates, relatives and friends to destroy the child's self-esteem, let him lose trust, such a child is impossible to be excellent.

Therefore, it is important for parents to be good agents of their children and cultivate their children's sense of responsibility.

Today's two pieces of content, the first is to be empathetic, and the second is to trust the child. Today's content, if you seriously digest it, will be very helpful for you to change the way you educate and raise your children. I hope to be able to help you very well, and I hope that you will share this knowledge with more people.