【Motivation】2.2 How to cultivate children's ability to survive

Hello moms and dads who love to learn!

Let's think about a problem first: there are two cups filled with water, one is placed on a stable tabletop, and the other is held in the air, and when the suspended cup is put down, it will fall from the air, generating a huge force that may hurt us; and the cup placed on the stable tabletop, even if it is placed for 100 years, will not produce any force.

The same is a cup of water, put in different positions, the power generated is not the same; just like the children cultivated by our two different families, why some children are very targeted, very energetic, and some children are basically in a state of "dead pigs are not afraid of boiling water", selfish and lazy, completely without a sense of responsibility, to borrow the old Chinese saying, that is, "peace is quiet, danger is moving".

"Tranquility" and "Tranquility" are the peace of peace; "Tranquility" is quiet stillness, which means that peace is very quiet, there is no power, but danger is very powerful.

When we put this cup in a very safe place, the cup has no power, but if we put it in a very dangerous place, the cup will produce great power.

This sentence is also very suitable for raising children.

Many children today are sluggish because their environment is very safe, and he has no sense of survival crisis; while some children are very targeted, because this child is full of crisis awareness in his heart, he will become very powerful!

How to raise a flock of sheep well? Some people have come up with the idea of adding the best feed to the pen, some people have suggested that the best grass should be laid in the pen to give the sheep a good rest, but the owner of the sheep said that such sheep are very dangerous, and they will not grow very well, and the best way is to put a wolf in the distance of this pen, and when the wolf is staring at the sheep every day, the sheep will become very active, very crisis-conscious.

One of the very important things we have in raising children is not to satisfy the child indefinitely, so that he becomes more and more secure, but to break the child's comfort zone and make him have a sense of crisis, so that the child will be very powerful.

The survey found that many young people in first-tier cities in beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou are very easy to succeed in starting a business, and the main reason is that they are far away from their parents. No matter how good and promising the entrepreneurial youth, as long as he leaves the dangerous area and returns to his parents, it is basically difficult to complete his career goals, because his parents will continue to create various comfort zones, so that he becomes more and more safe, and more and more secure, he will lose more and more crisis and morale, morale is worn out, basically it is difficult to achieve his career.

Therefore, the very important thing in front of our parents is that we must cultivate our children's ability to survive!

So how to cultivate children's ability to survive?

The first point is to learn to let go and let the child be independent;

The second point is to delay gratification and let the child cherish it enough.

The first point: learn to let go. The important process of educating children is actually a process of separation.

The child is in the mother's body, and the mother is one, the child gradually grows up is gradually away, and the thing the parents have to do is the process of gradually letting go. However, now anxious parents are the opposite, 0 to 6 years old are not too concerned, put far away, there are a lot of grandparents, grandparents to bring, but the more to the primary school reading stage, the more to the junior high school and high school stage of management is more and more strict, more and more unable to let go.

Therefore, today's children's viability is very weak, we can often see in the newspaper on the Internet that many children can not wash clothes after college, lack of self-care ability to live, etc., which seems to be a very joke behavior, in fact, many parents are very anxious about the results.

There is a book that tells a story about a Korean mother who was diagnosed by the hospital with advanced stomach cancer and learned that she still had about half a year to go, and this mother was very distressed.

When I came home and saw her five-year-old child, I thought: I left, what should my child do? If his father had found him a stepmother, would the child have been miserable? At that moment, she wanted to understand one thing: I could no longer help my child, I had to cultivate my child's independence, because my time was only half a year, and I had to let go in half a year and let the child learn to take care of himself.

Half a year later, when the mother went to the hospital for a review, she found that nothing happened, and it turned out to be a misdiagnosis.

This incident made this mother have a wealth of thinking, she found that the child's real excellence actually began from leaving the mother, when the mother let go, is the moment when the child is truly independent and growing!

Many parents today say: My child has formed a serious dependence on me, what should I do?

Therefore, she has changed from the previous model of managing children every day, and even replacing them, to being sure to let children learn! Because of this change in thinking mode, his children learned to wash clothes, cook, etc. in half a year, have a strong ability to live, become independent and become more confident!

Dear parents, please think about it, when you teach your children, do you let them form dependence? Or do you want your child to learn? These are two completely different ways of cultivating.

For example, if a master wants to teach a disciple something, there are probably several steps:

Step 1: The master himself makes it again and shows it to the apprentice;

Step 2: Disassemble and decompose the action done, and describe the action of each step in detail;

The third step: let the apprentice personally operate, the action will not be or unskilled, the master's hand-in-hand teaching;

Step 4: The apprentice does it himself, and the master gives guidance to the apprentice until he can operate independently.

These four steps are probably needed.

For example, if a mother teaches her child to wash clothes, these four steps are in it:

Step 1: The mother washes it first and shows it to the child;

Step 2: The mother should decompose the action of washing clothes to the child and explain each action to the child;

Step 3: Let the child wash, during which the child will make a lot of mistakes;

Step 4: The mother points out the mistakes to the child, summarizes the experience, and allows the child to improve his skills and operate independently.

Parents think, why doesn't your child wash clothes? Why can't I be independent? For example:

Step 1: Do you have the patience to wash it for your child to see?

Step 2: Will you break apart each action and tell your child about it?

Step 3: Do you have the patience to watch your child make mistakes and endure the process of making them?

Step 4: Will you still point out the child again?

I think for a mother who is very impatient and anxious, these four steps are basically impossible! The way these parents deal with it is basically to do it simpler and more refreshingly, and it is more troublesome to teach their children step by step.

Therefore, in this world, they will do and cultivate others will do these are two completely different things, and most of the more capable people, the more they can not cultivate excellent talents, because training people need patience, and they only need to exert their own ability.

In ancient China, it was said that "there are no weak soldiers under a strong general", but in fact, the phenomenon I see now is that "all the weak soldiers under the strong generals" are all weak soldiers! Because a person with strong ability cannot tolerate the long wait experienced by others from 0 to 1, from constantly making mistakes to meeting, he basically will not raise confident and independent children.

A child's dependence on parents is also because parents have too many things to replace or interfere with their children from childhood to adulthood, rather than learning to let go, and today's parents must learn to let go!

With the help of your parents, your child will take the test with a score of 90, which represents the level of the parents, while the actual level of your child is 40 points! After you let go, he will definitely change back to 40 points, and these 40 points are your child's true level. If you want your child to complete it independently, you have to let go, and after you let go, you have to endure your child falling to 40 points, and he may be paralyzed.

At this time, parents are very anxious, and when they see that their children's grades have declined, there are two ways to choose:

One: lift the child up again, and then continue the previous alternative model;

The real way to have a level is to calm down and wait for the child to grow from 40 to 41, 42, and gradually grow to 90 points. Although these 90 points and the previous 90 points, the score is the same, but one is the 90 points that rely on the parents, and the other is the 90 points that the children work hard to get, and the two are very different!

The second point is to delay gratification and let the child cherish it enough!

The secret of the Jews to wealth is actually to delay gratification!

Because these rich people were actually ordinary people, ordinary people and poor people got 10,000 yuan, ordinary people just want to find a way to spend 10,000 yuan quickly, and then go to eat, drink, buy a bunch of gifts, enjoy life, etc., but excellent people are first to learn the ability to make money, turn 10,000 yuan into 1 million, delay for a year, two years later, and finally consume 10,000 yuan in 1 million, and finally he becomes rich.

Therefore, the most essential difference between the rich and the poor is that the rich know how to delay gratification, while the poor cannot wait.

The child's very patient and very eager to get it determines the difference in his future social level.

For example, the same climbing of Huangshan Mountain:

One way is to take the cable car;

The child was sent to the top of the mountain, because it was easy to get by cable car, so when he reached the top of the mountain, he did not have a very strong feeling, but said: Oh, Huangshan is really high.

But another child climbed step by step for three hours from the foot of the mountain, and finally climbed to the top of Huangshan Mountain; when he reached the summit of Huangshan Mountain, his sigh was: sure enough, it is "when the top of the mountain is at the top, the mountains are small", or "the return of the five mountains does not look at the mountains, and the return of the Huangshan Mountains does not look at the mountains".

Why do you feel different when you are standing on the top of the mountain? Because one kind of getting is too easy, one kind of getting is not easy.

Many children today lose their reverence for everything because it is too easy to get.

There was a senior government leader next to me, and once after listening to my class, he even patted his thigh and said: This is true, I never knew why my children were not motivated, and after listening to your class, I understood.

It turned out that the child's uncle was a high-ranking official of the provincial party committee. In order to let the child rely on in the future, he often took the child to see the uncle and told the child: You see that the uncle is so capable, you can rely on the uncle in the future, and so on. Because it gives the child too much sense of security, so this child has no fighting spirit in learning, the more serious thing is that his uncle is a provincial leader, once this child saw a municipal leader, it was a very indifferent expression, and he wanted to say: My uncle is a provincial high-level official, what do you count as a municipal level?

Parents must be aware that when you leave the stage of this world one day, all your rights, relationships, and status will not be passed on to your children. If your child is obtained by his own efforts, his heart will be full of awe, so that he will know how to cherish, and will rely on his own attitude to obtain more relationships and resources, and such relationships and resources are what your child can really use! So, the best way to help a child is not to be infinitely satisfied, but to learn to delay his gratification!

I myself have a child over three years old, and once I bought him a robot and stipulated: the little red star reaches ten, and the robot can be given to him. As a result, the child always had 8 or 6, because they often made mistakes, the little red star was deducted again, and the whole process lasted for nearly two months.

My mother was very anxious and said: You just give it to him, you see the child thinks! However, I insist on one principle in my heart, that is; it is too easy to get and not to cherish! So, I've always stuck to that principle.

Once I was lecturing in a foreign country, and the child sent a video saying: Dad, I finally got 10 little red stars. He looked very happy, and at that moment he especially wanted to take the robot apart. I said to him: Congratulations on finally waiting for this moment, you can turn on the robot, but if you don't open it now, Dad will come back from the field and bring you another gift. The child said: I want to open, I want to open. I said: Yes, you can open it, but if you choose not to open it, come back Dad can give you another gift, and you can get two gifts. I clearly felt that the child was eager to get another gift, and finally he reluctantly agreed, saying: Okay.

The next day, I arrived home late. Early in the morning of the third day, the child rushed to my bed and shouted: Daddy, Daddy, help me open the present. That morning, I unwrapped the gift for the child and gave him a small gift, and the child's heart was extremely happy, and he raised his index and middle fingers to draw the "Yah" posture. The excitement and joy of this child comes from the fact that he did not get easily.

I don't want my child to be a normal person, I want him to be a good person, so I have to learn to delay his gratification and let him cherish it enough.

The reason why man is ordinary is because the inferiority of his human nature has been fully brought into play; and the reason why he is excellent is because he knows how to avoid the inferior roots of other people's human nature and make his own good qualities stronger and stronger!

The real essence of education is to change the inferior side of human nature.

Our current progress and change will be exchanged for different children.