2.1 Why is it useless to use your story to motivate children to learn?

Hello moms and dads who love to learn!

Today we come to the core topic of learning motivation.

This topic is also an in-depth analysis and discussion of a very urgent and very painful topic for many parents.

The feedback that many parents have given me is that many big truths have been said, and good words and bad words have been said, but children just have no motivation. Once I went to a friend's house, their family just moved to a new house, the friend did the clothing industry, is a very good entrepreneur.

I saw his son, is a child who is studying in the first year of high school, we chatted together when we were very happy, at this time dad sat on the opposite side of the table, dad began to talk about the past things, said: look at the child, how difficult our conditions were back then, I gave your mother is a tailor in Dongyang, came to Hangzhou to work hard to make clothing, the past 30 years, how much we have suffered, how much grievances, today's little achievements. We can see their family's house, a square of 70,000 pieces, there are nearly 300 houses, the family has several luxury cars, etc., his clothing company has to do a billion assets every year.

After telling the pain he experienced in the process of working hard, he told the child, you see how good your current conditions are, much better than we were then, you should work harder! In the whole process of listening to Dad, I can see that this child's eyes have begun to be in a state of wandering, when Dad said you should work harder, the child's glance at the past is actually a dismissive look, I think this look will definitely make this Dad particularly sad, but also very broken.

This kind of education, I think many families have tried, the fathers often use their own growth experience to educate today's children, educate children you should work harder now, because the current conditions are much better than before. At this time, what is the child's inner state? He must have thought: When you were desperate because you were poor, but now I am not poor, why should I work so hard? This idea is the true voice of the child.

Today's China, in the past 30 years, has transitioned from an era of material poverty to an era of relative material wealth, and has lived a very good life, so our children will never return to the difficult times of that year.

The most important reason why many parents worked hard in those years was poverty, so there was a steady stream of motivation, and today's children are no longer poor, so we have to think about how we should educate our children after our material conditions continue to be rich.

Today's parents and children are in the midst of great changes in the entire era, the era in which parents live is relatively poor in materials, everything has to rely on their own efforts, but today's children and future children, they do not have to worry more and more about their survival problems, so this is a huge conflict between the two eras, if the parents' concept is not well changed, in the education of children, confusion is a common phenomenon.

Let's think about it, what is the biggest difference between these two eras?

In the time of our fathers, our parents went to work in a factory somewhere, and the boss said: If you don't do a good job, I will fire you. Our parents may say, boss, don't fire me, my family has children to study, I still have to earn money to build a house, you let me do whatever I want. Why were people of that era willing to bend their knees to earn money? Because at that time, it was mainly for survival, and people had no dignity in order to survive, and they could let go of everything!

But today, if you are the boss and the manager of the company, and your company has post-90s or post-95 employees, you tell him: If you don't do a good job anymore, I will fire you. You guys go back and try it, and you see what the result is? These young people may shake their hands and say: I really don't want to do it! Why can these people be so arrogant?

Because their parents told them when he first went to work: Children, if you are not happy to come back, your mother will raise you, at least not let you starve to death. In the era of material poverty, man has no dignity; today's people are dignified, so when these people come to work again, there is no crisis of survival, he will pay great attention to feelings, and behind this feeling is called dignity.

And dignity will be more and more important! Especially today's parents, the children you will educate in the future may be post-00s or post-10s, and the children of this era pay more attention to the feeling of respect.

Let's think again, when we were in school, we were often beaten by teachers.

My math teacher stipulated: if you score 60 points on the exam, you don't have to be boarded, you can't get 60 points, you can play a board for every difference of 1 point, I don't have to score 40 points in each exam, and I get more than a dozen boards every time, and my hands are red. When I got home, I said to my mother: Mom, look! I was beaten by a teacher today! My mother said: Play well, not enough for me to add a few more to you. This experience should have been experienced by many parents, and was often beaten by teachers when they were young.

Reflect on it today: Does the school still dare to beat children? Last year's child abuse incidents in Red, Yellow and Blue and Ctrip. The whole country is boiling, and the stock prices of red, yellow and blue have doubled, losing nearly 2 billion US dollars. Since this incident came out, there should be no more schools in China that dare to beat children, and the education of the whole school has undergone tremendous changes. However, there is another place in China where the phenomenon of hitting children happens all the time, and this place is our family. Chinese parents can slap their children to this day.

When I lecture across the country, every time I ask parents who have beaten their children to raise their hands, 70% to 80% of parents have beaten their children, and there are many parents with high quality, high education, and even high value. It seems ridiculous to be respected and very decent on the outside, but to return home and still educate his children in the simplest and most brutal way. Because despite the rapid changes in society, the Chinese family still has not changed the mode of education, and still continues the authoritarian way that the fathers used to rule the entire family.

All the parents who come to me for consultation, the first big question is: Teacher, I am really angry, what should my child do if he is disobedient? Such problems account for at least 70 to 80 percent.

When such a mother was very angry and told me that the child was disobedient, I asked her: Why should the child listen to you? Most mothers are stunned, they have never thought about why their children should listen to me? Some mothers say very smoothly: Because I am a fuck! This sentence should be the voice of many mothers.

How big is Mom? In China, we know that we have to listen to our bosses when we go to work, and if we work within the system, we have to listen to our leaders. Why listen to your boss? Because the boss has the right to raise wages and promotions; the reason why he listens to the leader is because the leader also has the right to dismiss and promote us. They have power in their hands, but parents, the last thing you have is rights, because your children understand from birth that you can't fire me, and you can't not raise me, because I'm your child, I'm your own. So Chinese parents are the least entitled, but Chinese parents are using the simplest and crudest way of power to rule their children. As a result of this, as long as the child reaches adolescence, when it reaches the upper grade of primary school or junior high school, the contradictions in the family are very heavy.

To tell a story, there are a lot of vegetables planted in the greenhouse, there is a tree accidentally planted into this greenhouse, in the warm sunshine and good environment, this tree grows very fast, and soon grows to the top of the greenhouse.

This tree wanted to break through this greenhouse and grow taller, but the greenhouse was very unhappy: I raised you, and you dared to bump into me! Therefore, there was a deadly struggle between the tree and the greenhouse, and the tree was strongly resisted by the greenhouse.

What is the final result of the struggle? As long as the greenhouse does not budge, the number of trees will have two endings:

A kind of ending tree does not grow, it has been stopped there, as if many children have been conquered by their parents, have to be at the mercy of their parents, children to adolescence, some parents are still very happy to say that my children are not rebellious, he has a good relationship with me, very obedient, etc., in fact, the children at this time are like this tree, there is no dream, no fighting spirit;

What about the other ending, this tree still has to grow, since the greenhouse does not let the tree grow on top, the tree can only go to the left, the right, the length of the crooked melon cracked dates, this is what we are talking about rebellion and rebellion.

And wise parents, when the child hits the greenhouse, open a mouth at the top of the greenhouse, so that the child is very good to surpass the level of the parents.

However, in China, many parents use the three words "disobedience" to suppress the direction and morale of their children's growth! Therefore, in today's society, China's talent echelon is very deformed.

China actually has a large number of employed people, but there is a great lack of talents, Chinese the overall quality is relatively low the reason: are low-end, obedient talents, for example, you go to the talent market to recruit administrative, cashier, such talents are particularly many; but high-level innovative spirit, leadership ability of the talent is very lacking. Why? The constraints of the Chinese family are very large, and there has been a huge conflict between the model of cultivating talents in authoritarian families and the demand for high-quality talents in this society.

Because when I myself cultivated talents, I found that many people reached the stage of adulthood is the biggest bottleneck in life development, which actually comes from the education of parents from childhood.

I brought a kid in my 30s and followed me for five years. Once his dad came to see him, just by the West Lake, I took the whole team of the company to meet his dad. This father was very angry when he saw his son, punched and kicked, scolded the child for being useless, humiliated the family, etc., and I saw the child's inferiority look. Even though I took him for five years, I still couldn't make up for the inner damage his parents had done to his long-term education.

So, at that time, I thought with emotion: If I hadn't started to train him when he was in his 20s, but had taught this parent how to raise the child when he was very young, the child's life trajectory would have been completely different. At that time, I had an idea: I want to teach parents how to correctly educate their children when they are young, and when these children go to society, the talent model is completely different!

At that time, this idea was once considered by many people to be a joke, or a ridiculous move, but today Fuying has traveled all over the country, we have cultivated countless talents, and also let many families because I have brought him for five years, the feelings are very deep, seeing him bury his head deeply, my heart is very touched, I am thinking: This kind of behavior, this scene, in the child's growth process from childhood to adulthood, should be experienced countless times, so that this child feels deeply inferior in the heart. The educational model has changed, many children from passive to active, from inferiority to self-confidence, the state has completely changed, and now no one doubts our ideas.

What I especially want to talk about here is: we must study seriously and change your current wrong education model, otherwise our children will really lose at the starting point. The biggest starting point for children is actually the concept and level of parents!